Thursday and Friday we went to watch my son perform in "Oklahoma" for school. I usually have enough caboose padding that sitting in those hard auditorium seats doesn't bother me. Thursday night- My fanny hurt so badly! So Friday night I sat on Ty's coat! Still painful. But at the same time it was neat to notice the difference.
In church today- I was sitting on the end seat. My 17 year old special needs son was sitting next to me. Well, he tends to push himself into me when he wants to snuggle. Normally this is not a problem. It has been awhile since he and I have sat next to each other like that. Today he threw himself into me to snuggle and just about pushed me right off the seat onto the floor! He did that three times! It was strange to have him move me so much physically. One time I would have landed on the floor for sure had I not grabbed the chair in front of me! I am thinking we need to sit on a bench with an arm rest to hold me in my seat.
Later today I had to go to town and get something from the store. While Ty and I were walking into the store I noticed a lady struggling with her car. Her driver door doesn't open, and she locked the passenger door with the keys inside. We tried to help her, then gave her an idea of who to call. When we were done shopping she was waiting for help to arrive. We stayed with her. The guy showed up and got the window down a little bit. He looked at me and asked if I had skinny fingers!? No one has ever looked to me for help cause I am skinny!! So I stepped around him and tried to put my arm in the window - couldn't quite do it. He got the window down just a little more, and I was able to reach my arm in and roll down the window just enough to reach the indoor handle! WOW! The window was only down maybe three inches. Who would have guessed that one day I would be able to help someone out cause I was skinny!!!!
I love that my husband can pick me up off the couch and carry me to bed when I am not feeling well. I love that he can give me a piggy back ride. I love that he boots me off his lap cause my butt is too boney! I love the differences in my body, my attitude, my confidence, my self-esteem.
until I blog again....
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Self-Esteem is such a fragile thing....
It is amazing to me how fragile one's self-esteem can be. I am watching "Front of the Class" again. Brad was pulled over by a police officer and during the conversation with him, the officer learned that Brad wanted to be a teacher. He just gave him a look of disbelief because of the sounds Brad was making. He narrates how he gets that look often but he never lets it get to him. HOW? This guy has unbelievable self-esteem.
I keep thinking of what I could have done with self-esteem like that. Would I have gained all that weight? Would I have needed food like I did? Self-esteem is so easy to break down but so very difficult to build up. Kind of like trust.... such a fragile state at all times but you have to treat it like it is solid- unfailing- strong.
Self-esteem can take you so far. How do you build it? How do you repair it? How do you protect it? It comes back to me- I have to learn to be confident in who I am. A confidence that is hard when you are fat. People treat you differently- friends don't- people do. And sadly- we lay too much claim in the people and not enough in our friends. Why do we seek the approval of others above the approval of friends and family?
You are probably thinking "it is easy for you to say this now that you are skinnier, you are forgetting what it is like to be fat. To be treated badly, differently, like a freak. And how it is to be teased to be fat and then teased when you try to work on it in a gym." I haven't forgotten. I know all to well how it feels to be treated that way. I know that it isn't impossible to maintain self-esteem throughout it all. I understand how difficult it is, but look at this teacher from the movie! His tourettes is hard to ignore- his ticks and uncontrollable sounds would draw attention to him. BUT he retained such confidence despite the way people treated him. What credit that is to his mom and his character. As a fat person- I could hide. I could remain quiet and withdrawn and do things to keep attention off of myself. That is what starts breaking down the confidence and self-esteem. I wish I had been strong enough to be me at all times. But I can't go back and change that.
Now it is up to me to build up my confidence and self-esteem. I am in control of that- we are all in control of that for ourselves. It is ok to be fat and confident! It is POSSIBLE to be both. I am not trying to say all fat people have low self-esteem either. I knew a girl in high school that was so unbelievably shy. She was bigger than I was at the time. And I will never forget the year she became my hero- I was so impressed by her and the fact that she tried out to be a cheerleader! Shy, big, and she tried out! I NEVER could have done that! It became too painful for her knees, and she was unable to continue but she tried out!! I will never forget that!
Building self-esteem is like taking one step forward and two steps back. It can be a slow and painful process. It can also be rewarding. I wish I had the answers - but I am guessing it is something we all have to learn how to do for ourselves. How I build self-esteem and protect it will be different than how you do so. Feeling stupid comes easily for me.... I know I am not a stupid person but I can be made to feel so by the simplest comments from someone. It is a flaw- it is a programmed reaction. One I am working on constantly.
Learn to be confident in yourself as you are today. It is ok to be any kind of different and have confidence! It is your right as a person to feel confident and have high self-esteem.
until I blog again....
I keep thinking of what I could have done with self-esteem like that. Would I have gained all that weight? Would I have needed food like I did? Self-esteem is so easy to break down but so very difficult to build up. Kind of like trust.... such a fragile state at all times but you have to treat it like it is solid- unfailing- strong.
Self-esteem can take you so far. How do you build it? How do you repair it? How do you protect it? It comes back to me- I have to learn to be confident in who I am. A confidence that is hard when you are fat. People treat you differently- friends don't- people do. And sadly- we lay too much claim in the people and not enough in our friends. Why do we seek the approval of others above the approval of friends and family?
You are probably thinking "it is easy for you to say this now that you are skinnier, you are forgetting what it is like to be fat. To be treated badly, differently, like a freak. And how it is to be teased to be fat and then teased when you try to work on it in a gym." I haven't forgotten. I know all to well how it feels to be treated that way. I know that it isn't impossible to maintain self-esteem throughout it all. I understand how difficult it is, but look at this teacher from the movie! His tourettes is hard to ignore- his ticks and uncontrollable sounds would draw attention to him. BUT he retained such confidence despite the way people treated him. What credit that is to his mom and his character. As a fat person- I could hide. I could remain quiet and withdrawn and do things to keep attention off of myself. That is what starts breaking down the confidence and self-esteem. I wish I had been strong enough to be me at all times. But I can't go back and change that.
Now it is up to me to build up my confidence and self-esteem. I am in control of that- we are all in control of that for ourselves. It is ok to be fat and confident! It is POSSIBLE to be both. I am not trying to say all fat people have low self-esteem either. I knew a girl in high school that was so unbelievably shy. She was bigger than I was at the time. And I will never forget the year she became my hero- I was so impressed by her and the fact that she tried out to be a cheerleader! Shy, big, and she tried out! I NEVER could have done that! It became too painful for her knees, and she was unable to continue but she tried out!! I will never forget that!
Building self-esteem is like taking one step forward and two steps back. It can be a slow and painful process. It can also be rewarding. I wish I had the answers - but I am guessing it is something we all have to learn how to do for ourselves. How I build self-esteem and protect it will be different than how you do so. Feeling stupid comes easily for me.... I know I am not a stupid person but I can be made to feel so by the simplest comments from someone. It is a flaw- it is a programmed reaction. One I am working on constantly.
Learn to be confident in yourself as you are today. It is ok to be any kind of different and have confidence! It is your right as a person to feel confident and have high self-esteem.
until I blog again....
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Life isn't about finding yourself....
I found the quote "life isn't about finding yourself, its about creating yourself", and I got to thinking about just how true that is. So many people leave their lives to go find themselves. Maybe they feel lost in the hustle and bustle of life, but it isn't about finding yourself. As we face things in life we might forget who we are or who we want to be. Why go find yourself- create yourself!
I lost myself in emotions, food, single parenthood, marriage, more children, etc. I lost myself in my fat-my constant companion. I lived there for years, despite trying to get out. The people who mattered loved me -fat and all. I am so blessed in that knowledge. Then one day I heard about the lapband. I knew instantly that it was the answer. So it was time to create myself!
If you look at my before picture you can see how miserable I look. Then look at my June picture. I look a lot happier. I remember when that second picture was taken- I was actually wondering just how much different I looked because I was wearing the same outfit I wore in the before picture still fit and didn't fall off my body. I was thinking I hadn't made much progress at all. But looking at them now- WOW! I was quite different.
So I am creating this new smaller me.... and I am more outgoing (I thought I used to be pretty outgoing- unless I was intimidated). I don't get intimidated as easily as I used to. I have learned that I am me -take me as I am or do without me. Your choice- your gain or your loss. I am good enough just as I am- I always want to improve things but if I am my best person today; tomorrow will take care of itself. I want to be friendly, kind, courteous, (you know- be a boy scout!) and an all around good person. I want people to know that I care about them, and how I feel about them- no time like the present to let them know! I work in a hospital and see some sad things. I always wonder when someone dies what their last moments were like.... were they kind to their loved ones, were their loved ones kind to them. I want my last moments to always be remembered as good ones. So I think I may have scared a few people in this quest to let them know how I feel, but I feel good knowing I was open and honest.
You know what- in creating myself (becoming the person I want to be on the inside and out) I have found myself. I have had some hard times this last year with the whole process and hurt a few people for which I have apologized. But I am a better person for the lessons I learned. I am more the person I want to be. I know that I am worth having as a friend or family member.
Don't go find yourself... create yourself! Decide who you want to be, what you want to be, and start working at it! BE CREATIVE!!! BE THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE TODAY!!!
until I blog again...
My Constant Companion
Did anyone get to watch the Hallmark movie on TV Sunday night? What an amazing story! It was about a teacher who has tourettes syndrome. It is not all about swearing uncontrollably- it is twitches and sounds and other involuntary body movements. He was 12 before someone (his mom actually) figured out what was wrong. She took him to a support group with the belief that they would learn how to live with it. When they got to the meeting, they found that there was no support and people were just hiding from the world and suggesting they do the same. The mom apologized to the boy (Brad) and said they needed to just forget they were ever there. Brad said he didn't want to forget. He said those people let tourettes win, and he was never going to let it win. He talks constantly throughout the movie about tourettes being his constant companion, but he never let it win. He learned the strengths and weaknesses of his companion. The mom talked about how the school kept blaming bad parenting for Brad's outburst. Let me tell you - that mom had to be the best mom! Brad was so confident and held his head high no matter where he was and no matter how much his companion was yelling out. He was open and honest about it and had a great self esteem. He broke down a couple of times, but when he would confide in his mom she would always point out that he was going to let his companion win if he didn't follow through or if he kept feeling bad about whatever it was that was going on. Those words were great motivators! He was determined to never let it win- in the end he was awarded teacher of the year and during his speech he thanked his constant companion for being his greatest teacher. just amazing-
So why am I writing about a movie? It made me think... fat was my constant companion. It was my disability-my handicap. It IS my disability- my handicap. Anything I wanted to do in life, but didn't was because of my fat. I let my fat be the silent excuse for not trying new things. I let my fat be the silent excuse to keep me in the house and not be social. I assumed people didn't like me because of my fat. I wonder how many friends I missed out on by assuming this.
Is fat still my constant companion? YES - and it will always be a part of me. I will always remember the things I went through, gave up, missed out on, etc. being fat. Fat- my constant companion- my disability- my teacher......
until I blog again...
So why am I writing about a movie? It made me think... fat was my constant companion. It was my disability-my handicap. It IS my disability- my handicap. Anything I wanted to do in life, but didn't was because of my fat. I let my fat be the silent excuse for not trying new things. I let my fat be the silent excuse to keep me in the house and not be social. I assumed people didn't like me because of my fat. I wonder how many friends I missed out on by assuming this.
Is fat still my constant companion? YES - and it will always be a part of me. I will always remember the things I went through, gave up, missed out on, etc. being fat. Fat- my constant companion- my disability- my teacher......
until I blog again...
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Worried
I watched the biggest loser last night. I am worried that Vickie (the mean game player) learned nothing about herself! Twelve weeks - 70 pounds lighter and had learned nothing about herself!!? How is that possible!? All the challenges, the things they teach you, the people she watched on the ranch, and having time away from her husband...... and she learned NOTHING!!!????? Seriously how can she learn nothing. By the end of the show, she said she knew she was unhappy in the beginning and now she was happy. Where is the growth? Maybe she is a reserved person, but I really don't see that. She learned nothing as to why she gained the weight! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!!!??
I learn something everyday about myself. I learn that there are things I don't like about myself! I learn there are things I do like about myself! I am shocked by the things that spring up on each side of that coin, and sometimes scared. I learn about my strengths and weaknesses. I learn about my limits and boundaries and also learn to push those limits.
Seriously- how can you lose that kind of weight and learn nothing of yourself? How can you spend that much time on the ranch and not learn something about yourself? Is it all part of the drama for ratings or is this Vickie seriously that hard headed or that focused on winning the game that she isn't using the opportunity to her best advantage? I predict she will gain her weight back- I hope she proves me wrong, but I worry about her no matter what.
until I blog again...
I learn something everyday about myself. I learn that there are things I don't like about myself! I learn there are things I do like about myself! I am shocked by the things that spring up on each side of that coin, and sometimes scared. I learn about my strengths and weaknesses. I learn about my limits and boundaries and also learn to push those limits.
Seriously- how can you lose that kind of weight and learn nothing of yourself? How can you spend that much time on the ranch and not learn something about yourself? Is it all part of the drama for ratings or is this Vickie seriously that hard headed or that focused on winning the game that she isn't using the opportunity to her best advantage? I predict she will gain her weight back- I hope she proves me wrong, but I worry about her no matter what.
until I blog again...
Sunday, December 7, 2008
WOW!!
Well, Friday a co-worker and I went to another hospital to learn more about the program that they put their patients through for the lapband. We got to town about an hour early so we went to Wal-mart. The pants I had on were a size 14 and were quite baggy. I haven't bought much in the way of new- I have been buying from the DI or thrift store. I was in desperate need of a different style pants though due to my shape and the way my stomach feels after the tummy tuck. I tried on a 12 and they were baggy too. I tried on a 10 and they were baggy! I tried on an 8!!! They were great. I of course had to try the size 6!! They fit too but my legs needed a bit more room.... SO I BOUGHT A SIZE 8!!!!! WOW!!! The largest size I wore was a 26/28, and I know there were days when they were tight! The day of my surgery though I was wearing a size 22.
In preparing this new clinic, we have been talking about pics for a billboard. We want something different than the traditional hold up the before pants. I had been thinking of that picture though and truly wondered if there was a drastic difference between me and my fat pants. I took them out of the closet yesterday- THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE!! It seriously shocked me! I sometimes don't feel or see myself as that different. A couple of my teenage boys were around and saw me do this... they shook their heads in disbelief. My husband couldn't believe it either.
There are days that I seriously don't feel different. If I am sitting, and I look down and can see my little spare tire I feel like I am still the huge person I used to be. I feel as though I have made it nowhere! Isn't that silly!? That is why I am so glad I kept some of the big clothes. I put them on if I am feeling like that. It reminds me just how far I truly have come.
I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am to have bought a size 8 pair of pants. It is amazing! I have come so far! This excitement for myself is something I can't wait to see others experience! To help others on their journey, to see their accomplishments, their excitement as they notice their shadow change or realize that they don't recognize themselves in the reflection they see in the freezer section.... to hear them excitedly tell me they just bought a size 18, 14, 8 - whatever size they never thought they would see! Or like me- a size they don't ever remember seeing! I know I had to have seen a size 8 once- but I don't remember it!
Until I blog again....
In preparing this new clinic, we have been talking about pics for a billboard. We want something different than the traditional hold up the before pants. I had been thinking of that picture though and truly wondered if there was a drastic difference between me and my fat pants. I took them out of the closet yesterday- THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE!! It seriously shocked me! I sometimes don't feel or see myself as that different. A couple of my teenage boys were around and saw me do this... they shook their heads in disbelief. My husband couldn't believe it either.
There are days that I seriously don't feel different. If I am sitting, and I look down and can see my little spare tire I feel like I am still the huge person I used to be. I feel as though I have made it nowhere! Isn't that silly!? That is why I am so glad I kept some of the big clothes. I put them on if I am feeling like that. It reminds me just how far I truly have come.
I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am to have bought a size 8 pair of pants. It is amazing! I have come so far! This excitement for myself is something I can't wait to see others experience! To help others on their journey, to see their accomplishments, their excitement as they notice their shadow change or realize that they don't recognize themselves in the reflection they see in the freezer section.... to hear them excitedly tell me they just bought a size 18, 14, 8 - whatever size they never thought they would see! Or like me- a size they don't ever remember seeing! I know I had to have seen a size 8 once- but I don't remember it!
Until I blog again....
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
People Can Surprise You
I watched the Biggest Loser tonight. If you remember I told you there was one person who wasn't maturing at all. Well, tonight I think she made some progress!! FINALLY! I still think she is a game player but I believe she is making some changes. She freaked out during a contest that was 12 feet above water. It took someone she trusted in the water below her to help her jump down. Bob told her that the person she needed to trust in is herself. She actually showed some human emotions- a soft side to her. YEAH - I was worried for her.
I think that Bob is so right. I think that in this adventure of weight loss- we have to trust in ourselves. WHY? Because no one else can do this for us. Others can motivate us, help keep us going, but it is ultimately up to us. It is our doing- make it or break it- it is up to us. There may be reasons behind our reasons for being overweight, but when you break down all the excuses; it is still all our own doings.... I encourage anyone trying to lose weight to make sure they be completely honest with themselves. Face the demons- seriously examine those excuses: pick them apart. How well do they stand up to a full examination? Have you ever noticed that when you point your finger at something that three others are pointing at you?
Learn about yourself. Learn to accept yourself as you are today- not as you want to be and learn to trust yourself. That is a key part- ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE TODAY!!! Learn to like yourself now - no matter what. Be proud of who you are- there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself, but always be proud of you today!!!
Until I blog again...
I think that Bob is so right. I think that in this adventure of weight loss- we have to trust in ourselves. WHY? Because no one else can do this for us. Others can motivate us, help keep us going, but it is ultimately up to us. It is our doing- make it or break it- it is up to us. There may be reasons behind our reasons for being overweight, but when you break down all the excuses; it is still all our own doings.... I encourage anyone trying to lose weight to make sure they be completely honest with themselves. Face the demons- seriously examine those excuses: pick them apart. How well do they stand up to a full examination? Have you ever noticed that when you point your finger at something that three others are pointing at you?
Learn about yourself. Learn to accept yourself as you are today- not as you want to be and learn to trust yourself. That is a key part- ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE TODAY!!! Learn to like yourself now - no matter what. Be proud of who you are- there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself, but always be proud of you today!!!
Until I blog again...
Monday, December 1, 2008
EXCITING NEWS!
yahoo!! I am so excited! I just was offered a job as "business office coordinator for the weight loss clinic" at the hospital I work at. This clinic is going to offer the lapband! This is an awesome adventure for our hospital and for me!!!
I had my interview today and was offered the job this afternoon. I will help patients to learn and understand the program, be with them every step of the way, encourage them, motivate them, run the support group, and help with promoting and advertising!! WOW I am so excited!!!
We are all very excited! The dr and nurse are going to a training this weekend, and I will be visiting the hospital I had my surgery at for some information and extra education.
There are three of us in this weight loss clinic, the dr, a nurse (has a full title but I can't remember it!- clinical coordinator or something) and me! We will be brainstorming and creating an awesome program for an awesome price! After listening to some of the ideas the other two have and the hospital administrator has and the ideas I have- I really think this is going to be an amazing program!!!
If anyone has suggestions- things they liked about the program they went through- anything they didn't like- please pass them along!!
I can't believe that after almost two years of talking with the administrator- that this is becoming a reality and I GET TO BE PART OF IT!!! WOW! What an opportunity for me!!
I want to be motivating to others. I want to help others feel as good as I do. I want to help this program to be the best in the area! This is a program that is dear to my heart, and I am so thankful to have the chance to be a part of it!
Until I blog again....
I had my interview today and was offered the job this afternoon. I will help patients to learn and understand the program, be with them every step of the way, encourage them, motivate them, run the support group, and help with promoting and advertising!! WOW I am so excited!!!
We are all very excited! The dr and nurse are going to a training this weekend, and I will be visiting the hospital I had my surgery at for some information and extra education.
There are three of us in this weight loss clinic, the dr, a nurse (has a full title but I can't remember it!- clinical coordinator or something) and me! We will be brainstorming and creating an awesome program for an awesome price! After listening to some of the ideas the other two have and the hospital administrator has and the ideas I have- I really think this is going to be an amazing program!!!
If anyone has suggestions- things they liked about the program they went through- anything they didn't like- please pass them along!!
I can't believe that after almost two years of talking with the administrator- that this is becoming a reality and I GET TO BE PART OF IT!!! WOW! What an opportunity for me!!
I want to be motivating to others. I want to help others feel as good as I do. I want to help this program to be the best in the area! This is a program that is dear to my heart, and I am so thankful to have the chance to be a part of it!
Until I blog again....
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thankful, Thankful, Thankful
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Wow- so much to be thankful for! I have a wonderful family, my mom, dad, siblings and their spouses, my husband and kids and a couple of the girlfriends! and my husbands family! WOW- I was blessed with wonderful people in my life. They all come to with different qualities, talents, personalities... but they all carry love with them. I am so lucky!
I am thankful for my health! The lapband helped me to lose the weight I needed to lose to be free of my blood pressure medicine and my diabetes medicine!! I take nothing! The hysterectomy I had last December was great! All the suffering I had for the past 10 years is over! I am thankful my husband put up with my little bit of craziness those first few months after the surgery! (um- I guess I should say "extra craziness those first few months!"- I have always been a little crazy!!)
My goal weight is in reach! I am so thankful for that! I am thankful for all the friends and family that have supported me through this journey. Without their support- I wouldn't be as far as I am today! My co-workers are great! I work for one department, but my desk is in another department and they include me as one of them!! They are all wonderful!
I have had wonderfully skilled drs taking care of me. I have a great dr as my regular dr. I work for an amazing hospital. The things that this hospital offers is unbelievable considering how small it is! People come to our hospital over their own because of the care they receive from our hospital! My husband has a good job as well!
My kids are terrific! My daughter- learning her way in the adult world, becoming engaged and then realizing it wasn't a good situation and getting out! My oldest boy- just turning 18- working two jobs and doing sports plus a senior in high school! My 17 year old son has severe mental retardation- he had seizures for the first time ever in May and has only had one that we know of since. He teaches us everyday to accept those who are different! Next in line works at the local fast food place and is a very responsible young man- bought a car and then traded it in for a truck- he will be 17 in December. The other 16 year old has had a girlfriend for over a year now, and they are just the cutest couple. He works and just had surgery on his shoulder from a football injury. My youngest has diabetes and is waiting to get his insulin pump- next week he starts drivers ed.
So how can I not be thankful everyday of the year? I have a good life. love, family, friends, health- I am blessed.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
Until I blog again....
Wow- so much to be thankful for! I have a wonderful family, my mom, dad, siblings and their spouses, my husband and kids and a couple of the girlfriends! and my husbands family! WOW- I was blessed with wonderful people in my life. They all come to with different qualities, talents, personalities... but they all carry love with them. I am so lucky!
I am thankful for my health! The lapband helped me to lose the weight I needed to lose to be free of my blood pressure medicine and my diabetes medicine!! I take nothing! The hysterectomy I had last December was great! All the suffering I had for the past 10 years is over! I am thankful my husband put up with my little bit of craziness those first few months after the surgery! (um- I guess I should say "extra craziness those first few months!"- I have always been a little crazy!!)
My goal weight is in reach! I am so thankful for that! I am thankful for all the friends and family that have supported me through this journey. Without their support- I wouldn't be as far as I am today! My co-workers are great! I work for one department, but my desk is in another department and they include me as one of them!! They are all wonderful!
I have had wonderfully skilled drs taking care of me. I have a great dr as my regular dr. I work for an amazing hospital. The things that this hospital offers is unbelievable considering how small it is! People come to our hospital over their own because of the care they receive from our hospital! My husband has a good job as well!
My kids are terrific! My daughter- learning her way in the adult world, becoming engaged and then realizing it wasn't a good situation and getting out! My oldest boy- just turning 18- working two jobs and doing sports plus a senior in high school! My 17 year old son has severe mental retardation- he had seizures for the first time ever in May and has only had one that we know of since. He teaches us everyday to accept those who are different! Next in line works at the local fast food place and is a very responsible young man- bought a car and then traded it in for a truck- he will be 17 in December. The other 16 year old has had a girlfriend for over a year now, and they are just the cutest couple. He works and just had surgery on his shoulder from a football injury. My youngest has diabetes and is waiting to get his insulin pump- next week he starts drivers ed.
So how can I not be thankful everyday of the year? I have a good life. love, family, friends, health- I am blessed.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
Until I blog again....
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Accepting a compliment
I couldn't decide what to talk about tonight. I still need to read my journal from last year and see what I should share. I know there is some pretty funny stuff. It is a good thing I can laugh! or that I am not too shy to share!
My goal for my journal and for this blog is to be completely open and honest about what the band has done for me! So that others can see how awesome the choice to get a band is! Kind of a support to others.
So tonight- accepting a compliment. WOW it is hard. I am human- I like a compliment! but it isn't easy! Some days the compliments are plenty! My dad had the gastric bypass, and he told me- "it is hard when the compliments stop- just always know you are doing great- you did great"
I never accepted a compliment well. I would get embarrassed and not know what to say. Pretty common I think, but frustrating. I learned quickly how to smile and say Thank you! There is nothing wrong with taking a compliment. Nothing at all!! I appreciate them all and cherish them all and use them for motivation- why not?!? Again- not to sound vain but I deserve my compliments. Everyone who receives a compliment on anything obviously deserves the compliment! They must have done something that caught the eye of another!
be gracious- say thank you. Hold your head high and be happy someone noticed! Accept it! Live outside that comfort zone!! Heck- pass along the good feelings and dish out a few compliments of your own to others! It is a wonderful feeling! I love to see someone smile or even shy away when I give a compliment! I know I maybe brightened someone's day!
And thanks for your support in reading my blog. You are AWESOME!!!!
Until I blog again.....
My goal for my journal and for this blog is to be completely open and honest about what the band has done for me! So that others can see how awesome the choice to get a band is! Kind of a support to others.
So tonight- accepting a compliment. WOW it is hard. I am human- I like a compliment! but it isn't easy! Some days the compliments are plenty! My dad had the gastric bypass, and he told me- "it is hard when the compliments stop- just always know you are doing great- you did great"
I never accepted a compliment well. I would get embarrassed and not know what to say. Pretty common I think, but frustrating. I learned quickly how to smile and say Thank you! There is nothing wrong with taking a compliment. Nothing at all!! I appreciate them all and cherish them all and use them for motivation- why not?!? Again- not to sound vain but I deserve my compliments. Everyone who receives a compliment on anything obviously deserves the compliment! They must have done something that caught the eye of another!
be gracious- say thank you. Hold your head high and be happy someone noticed! Accept it! Live outside that comfort zone!! Heck- pass along the good feelings and dish out a few compliments of your own to others! It is a wonderful feeling! I love to see someone smile or even shy away when I give a compliment! I know I maybe brightened someone's day!
And thanks for your support in reading my blog. You are AWESOME!!!!
Until I blog again.....
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
motivation
I just watched the Biggest Loser show. I love this show. When I first started watching it - it was so motivating. Then I would get frustrated that I wasn't losing weight like they were. I had to stop and realize that the people on the show are able to dedicate EVERYDAY ALL DAY to their goal. I can't do that. So then I had to think about how to use this show as motivation and not feel frustrated.
I watched the contestants exercise, I watched the change, I watch them push themselves. They live outside their comfort zone and get yelled at along the way!! They grow, mature, blossom as the season progresses. It is wonderful to watch. The differences are amazing physically!! I like to listen to their comments throughout the season though- it is awesome how much weight loss success can affect someone.
So- I use the weight loss as motivation, but I use the changes in personality as motivation as well. Watch it sometime- this season is hard because there is one girl on there that hasn't matured much at all. She is methodical and a true game player.
Makes me wonder sometimes what people see in me for differences. What kind of personality changes have I gone through and not realized it? Are the changes for the better? I hope that I haven't offended anyone with my changes, but I am me. I hope that I am not vain, I hope that I am not rude, I hope that I am not snooty. I hope that the caring person I have always been is even more pronounced cause I am not afraid to show I care. (at least not as afraid!! I still fear rejection!!! Old habits die hard?)
My husband told me of someone he knew that lost weight and got wild and left her husband. I think that always worried him cause I would start to have success, and he would bring me a treat. I have heard of that happening-women go wild. I can see where that is a possibility for anyone who loses this kind of weight. Losing 5 pounds is great- losing large amounts of weight is life changing! How can it not be?
Until I blog again....
I watched the contestants exercise, I watched the change, I watch them push themselves. They live outside their comfort zone and get yelled at along the way!! They grow, mature, blossom as the season progresses. It is wonderful to watch. The differences are amazing physically!! I like to listen to their comments throughout the season though- it is awesome how much weight loss success can affect someone.
So- I use the weight loss as motivation, but I use the changes in personality as motivation as well. Watch it sometime- this season is hard because there is one girl on there that hasn't matured much at all. She is methodical and a true game player.
Makes me wonder sometimes what people see in me for differences. What kind of personality changes have I gone through and not realized it? Are the changes for the better? I hope that I haven't offended anyone with my changes, but I am me. I hope that I am not vain, I hope that I am not rude, I hope that I am not snooty. I hope that the caring person I have always been is even more pronounced cause I am not afraid to show I care. (at least not as afraid!! I still fear rejection!!! Old habits die hard?)
My husband told me of someone he knew that lost weight and got wild and left her husband. I think that always worried him cause I would start to have success, and he would bring me a treat. I have heard of that happening-women go wild. I can see where that is a possibility for anyone who loses this kind of weight. Losing 5 pounds is great- losing large amounts of weight is life changing! How can it not be?
I mean seriously- How can it not be!?
It doesn't have to be destructive! I think when making weight loss goals one must also think about the kind of person they think they are, the kind of person they want to be, and then think of the package they want to present that personality in! Someone who loses weight can still end up not being happy if they lose the person they want to be mentally -be prepared for more changes than just the size of your body. It really is an amazing adventure! The Biggest Loser is about so much more than weight loss- if you look for the other lessons - the other developments. It is motivating and eye-opening! Educational in many, many areas. Until I blog again....
Monday, November 24, 2008
Shadow Dancing and other silly things
As promised: the story of me shadow dancing-
One day I was walking back to the hospital (where I work) from the dr's office. I looked down, and I was really rather shocked that my shadow had lost weight!!! WOW! That's pretty cool I thought. So I was getting ready to do some poses and turning and checking out my shadow, but then realized that my co-workers in the lab would probably be looking out the window just then and catch me!!
So low and behold- not only was I losing weight but my shadow was looking pretty good! It might seem like a simple little thing- but it was one of the first moments I realized that my body was changing. That I was having success losing weight FINALLY!
Shadow dancing is not the only thing I did. I would be shopping and catch my reflection in the freezer aisle doors. I would have to stop and look- I couldn't believe it was me so I had to make sure: Almost to the point of standing there and seeing if the reflection really mimics the actions that I do!! INCREDIBLE! It was me in the reflection!!
One day I was walking into the hospital from the parking lot and noticed that my shadow had changed a little more! There was day light between its legs!!! When did that happen!! My shadow is usually just one big black blob! And now it has legs and A NECK! hmmmmm I seriously have to find time to dance with my shadow where no one is watching me make a fool of myself!
I never thought of myself as good looking let alone attractive or sexy. But I have to tell you that I catch myself looking in the mirror.... I am embarrassed by that- I try not to get caught! I spent years avoiding a mirror- even before the weight- and now, I take time to look. I am not appalled at what I see. I am fairly good looking! I am not trying to be or sound vain, I don't think that I am vain. I just like myself! I like the changes the band has helped create in me! Not just physically but mentally as well.
This whole process has been challenging, fun, rewarding, and down right scary sometimes. I have lived outside my comfort zone so many times that I don't even know what my comfort zone is anymore!! You know what- living outside that comfort zone is amazing! It is liberating. It creates a feeling of "I can do anything" I am stronger for that. I can let my light shine easier because of it! I am comfortable just being me. I don't need someone else's approval or acceptance. If someone doesn't care for me- they are missing out! I am a terrific person who cares about others. If you don't accept me- you may miss out on just how great of a person I can be. I am sorry for you! Me- I will be ok. I don't have to have everyone like me. I like me and that is enough right now. I haven't liked me in so long and that was wrong. I have always been a terrific person who cares about others.
Love yourself- no matter what. Learn to be yourself. Trust me- I know how hard that can be, but give it a try!
Until I blog again....
One day I was walking back to the hospital (where I work) from the dr's office. I looked down, and I was really rather shocked that my shadow had lost weight!!! WOW! That's pretty cool I thought. So I was getting ready to do some poses and turning and checking out my shadow, but then realized that my co-workers in the lab would probably be looking out the window just then and catch me!!
So low and behold- not only was I losing weight but my shadow was looking pretty good! It might seem like a simple little thing- but it was one of the first moments I realized that my body was changing. That I was having success losing weight FINALLY!
Shadow dancing is not the only thing I did. I would be shopping and catch my reflection in the freezer aisle doors. I would have to stop and look- I couldn't believe it was me so I had to make sure: Almost to the point of standing there and seeing if the reflection really mimics the actions that I do!! INCREDIBLE! It was me in the reflection!!
One day I was walking into the hospital from the parking lot and noticed that my shadow had changed a little more! There was day light between its legs!!! When did that happen!! My shadow is usually just one big black blob! And now it has legs and A NECK! hmmmmm I seriously have to find time to dance with my shadow where no one is watching me make a fool of myself!
I never thought of myself as good looking let alone attractive or sexy. But I have to tell you that I catch myself looking in the mirror.... I am embarrassed by that- I try not to get caught! I spent years avoiding a mirror- even before the weight- and now, I take time to look. I am not appalled at what I see. I am fairly good looking! I am not trying to be or sound vain, I don't think that I am vain. I just like myself! I like the changes the band has helped create in me! Not just physically but mentally as well.
This whole process has been challenging, fun, rewarding, and down right scary sometimes. I have lived outside my comfort zone so many times that I don't even know what my comfort zone is anymore!! You know what- living outside that comfort zone is amazing! It is liberating. It creates a feeling of "I can do anything" I am stronger for that. I can let my light shine easier because of it! I am comfortable just being me. I don't need someone else's approval or acceptance. If someone doesn't care for me- they are missing out! I am a terrific person who cares about others. If you don't accept me- you may miss out on just how great of a person I can be. I am sorry for you! Me- I will be ok. I don't have to have everyone like me. I like me and that is enough right now. I haven't liked me in so long and that was wrong. I have always been a terrific person who cares about others.
Love yourself- no matter what. Learn to be yourself. Trust me- I know how hard that can be, but give it a try!
Until I blog again....
Sunday, November 23, 2008
A Return To Love
Who I am to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented? Who am I not to be? Exactly!!! Whether I am fat, skinny, short, or tall- I am brilliant, gorgeous, and talented! Why be afraid of that? Why let someone tell me or make me feel like I am any different? I am a Child of God! I am a good person. Is my heart any different now that I lost weight? No- I am still the same kind, caring, decent person I always was--- ok maybe some people never thought me to be that, but I am those things. I am still those things! Shrinking away from that does not help the world! I should have embraced my good qualities- flaunted them- made the bright and easy for anyone to see!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
How true is that? We need to stand up for ourselves- shine our light- be proud of it! If we let the belittling of small minded people get to us- we are the ones making us feel inferior! I know it is easier to listen and feel bad about ourselves then it is to stand up for ourselves and stand proud.
No matter how you look - or think you look- stand proud for the person you are inside! Let go of the fear that it isn't enough to be somebody. When we do that- we will help others! Letting ourselves feel inferior will only take others down with us!
Be somebody- not some BODY-
There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself in looks- but remember who you are on the inside- remember that is the part of you that counts.
until I blog again.....
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
How true is that? We need to stand up for ourselves- shine our light- be proud of it! If we let the belittling of small minded people get to us- we are the ones making us feel inferior! I know it is easier to listen and feel bad about ourselves then it is to stand up for ourselves and stand proud.
No matter how you look - or think you look- stand proud for the person you are inside! Let go of the fear that it isn't enough to be somebody. When we do that- we will help others! Letting ourselves feel inferior will only take others down with us!
Be somebody- not some BODY-
There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself in looks- but remember who you are on the inside- remember that is the part of you that counts.
until I blog again.....
Along the way
Along the way to becoming the new me- I learned some things! The surgery doesn't fix all my weight issues! Yes- it helped me to lose weight but you know what- it doesn't change that emotional eating need. It limits how much I can take in but by dang- I still had to learn to change things! I had to face the reasons why I ate- I had to change feeding my emotions. I ate when I was bored, I ate when I was stressed, angry, etc. I ate at family gatherings- isn't that the way it is at those things- eat and talk- talk and eat!
So why did I gain the weight to begin with? Well, a few reasons- First, I had gotten really sick in the 7th grade: a condition called pseudo tumor something - acts like a brain tumor but is not one. also- this same school year I had money and the ability to buy snacks at the snack bar at school! Well, the tumor condition caused me a headache for three months. Seriously, one headache for three months straight. They finally figured out what it was and did a lumbar tap which in turn started migraine headaches. I could not be physically active or spend even 10 minutes in the sun without getting a horrible headache that put me down for hours if not days. puking, crying, head pounding, blinded by the dimmest light, knife piercing my skull migraines. I was married several years before this went away. So I had to give up my sports, no PE and still food coming in!!
Second, I could control food. Obviously that isn't entirely the case. but when life was out of control and emotions high - I could make my own choices in what I ate. I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. And I did. When the one I cared about was stuck in his world and closed his bubble to keep me and others out- I ate... among other things.
So that was the vicious cycle I created for myself! FOOD = CONTROL = FAT
Why did I keep the weight? Same thing- the headaches for years, when life seemed out of control I could still eat what and when I wanted. Boredom eating set in as life went on. Not that raising 6 kids is boring but there are those moments. Like when the kids are all in school, husband at work, and I am home alone.
So I learned all the reasons I ate. I am STILL working on fixing these things. Food is an addiction- truly. Some people need to drink or smoke when upset...others eat. I have learned to stop and ask myself why I am eating or wanting to eat. Of course- sometimes I am eating when I stop! But I am a lot better about controlling my emotional eating instead of "controlling" my food.
The surgery doesn't fix anything but how much you can eat at once! YOU HAVE TO FACE YOUR DEMONS!!! You just have to! If you don't - you might cheat around the band and have little to no success! The band is NOT an easy way out! I think I have learned more about myself going with the band than I ever did trying anything else.
Until I blog again....
So why did I gain the weight to begin with? Well, a few reasons- First, I had gotten really sick in the 7th grade: a condition called pseudo tumor something - acts like a brain tumor but is not one. also- this same school year I had money and the ability to buy snacks at the snack bar at school! Well, the tumor condition caused me a headache for three months. Seriously, one headache for three months straight. They finally figured out what it was and did a lumbar tap which in turn started migraine headaches. I could not be physically active or spend even 10 minutes in the sun without getting a horrible headache that put me down for hours if not days. puking, crying, head pounding, blinded by the dimmest light, knife piercing my skull migraines. I was married several years before this went away. So I had to give up my sports, no PE and still food coming in!!
Second, I could control food. Obviously that isn't entirely the case. but when life was out of control and emotions high - I could make my own choices in what I ate. I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. And I did. When the one I cared about was stuck in his world and closed his bubble to keep me and others out- I ate... among other things.
So that was the vicious cycle I created for myself! FOOD = CONTROL = FAT
Why did I keep the weight? Same thing- the headaches for years, when life seemed out of control I could still eat what and when I wanted. Boredom eating set in as life went on. Not that raising 6 kids is boring but there are those moments. Like when the kids are all in school, husband at work, and I am home alone.
So I learned all the reasons I ate. I am STILL working on fixing these things. Food is an addiction- truly. Some people need to drink or smoke when upset...others eat. I have learned to stop and ask myself why I am eating or wanting to eat. Of course- sometimes I am eating when I stop! But I am a lot better about controlling my emotional eating instead of "controlling" my food.
The surgery doesn't fix anything but how much you can eat at once! YOU HAVE TO FACE YOUR DEMONS!!! You just have to! If you don't - you might cheat around the band and have little to no success! The band is NOT an easy way out! I think I have learned more about myself going with the band than I ever did trying anything else.
Until I blog again....
Saturday, November 22, 2008
After Surgery
After surgery is that wonderful liquid diet, soft foods, and then progress to regular food! I cannot even begin to tell you how delicious mashed potatoes are after two weeks of a 700 calorie diet and the a liquid diet!!! WOW!!!! And I was so amazed at how fast I got full! I seldom hit that Full Feeling all my fat years! And I ate so little and was Thanksgiving day stuffed!!! I couldn't believe it!
I lost weight pretty fast. That was awesome! But come August I had to have my band emptied. I then had it emptied a couple times after that. When I called in November with problems - they decided I better have it checked so they did the barium swallow to make sure all was well. The band was so tight that just a trickle of fluid was going through. Final decision was made that my female side of life was affecting my band. When my hormones kicked in my stomach would swell. SO - a hysterectomy became my option (not just due to the band issues- I had a lot of problems and I had tried other ways to fix it- a hysterectomy was my last option). I was so relieved to know my band was ok and to know I would finally have relief of the female issues! I had been feeling like a failure- I led so many people into this surgery and now I was having problem. I was feeling bad...hoping others wouldn't worry- I made sure I shared everything with the others. I wanted them to know what caused the problems and not to worry. And it would also help them to watch for problems with their bands. Which turned out to be a good thing because another bander ended up with similar issues- and it was due to female life.
So anyway- not even a year after the lapband I was having surgery again. I had a great idea though- as long as they were cutting me open - why not make it a longer incision and have a tummy tuck! So everyone agreed and that is what I did! Second best surgery I ever had. (although somewhat painful) The surgery went well- I had a lot of staples and the pain was bearable. The part I worried about was having the drains removed. The staples coming out didn't worry me at all! It turned out to be the opposite- the staples hurt like HE** and the drains- I didn't feel a thing!! go figure. The staples coming out was the worst part of the whole surgery!! Seriously! The second worst part was the back ache I had from limited sitting/sleeping positions. The rest wasn't a problem for me. I had surgery on Thursday - came home Saturday (I was kind of miserable and tired by the time we got home -it is a two hour drive) but then Sunday - I went to the store so I could walk around and while I was there I decided I would make fudge for my co-workers. I made fudge that day and wrapped some Christmas presents. Then the next day I went to the hospital to deliver my fudge. Going places like that gives me more space to move and walk and stretch without walking outside on the slippery sidewalks and without the boredom of walking on a treadmill- which I did a lot of that for recovery as well. So the surgery was a success. My recovery was quite easy for the kinds of surgery I had.
A friend of mine asked me if I would do the band again- I told him that if anything happened and my band had to be removed- I would pay to do it again! Even with the problems I have had- I am 100% thankful I made the choice to do it! I am so thankful for this wonderful option- it is truly a safe life saving option!!! I recommend it!!!
I used to worry that people would think "she took the easy way out" I used to think that is what I was doing- REST ASSURED- THIS IS NOT AN EASY WAY OUT!!!! It has been work- it is not easy- It is a tool- a great tool! BUT there is still work involved. You will learn more about yourself and your body then you ever thought you would want or need to know!
That first time I had my band emptied-wow- I really could tell the difference in having my band working for me and not... I told the dr "if anyone ever says they don't think the band is working for them- empty it for them and tell them to come back in two weeks and see what they learned!" It works! It is a tool though- still leaves a lot of work to the patient! But don't let that scare you off! It is definitely a work to be proud of!
Until I blog again....
I lost weight pretty fast. That was awesome! But come August I had to have my band emptied. I then had it emptied a couple times after that. When I called in November with problems - they decided I better have it checked so they did the barium swallow to make sure all was well. The band was so tight that just a trickle of fluid was going through. Final decision was made that my female side of life was affecting my band. When my hormones kicked in my stomach would swell. SO - a hysterectomy became my option (not just due to the band issues- I had a lot of problems and I had tried other ways to fix it- a hysterectomy was my last option). I was so relieved to know my band was ok and to know I would finally have relief of the female issues! I had been feeling like a failure- I led so many people into this surgery and now I was having problem. I was feeling bad...hoping others wouldn't worry- I made sure I shared everything with the others. I wanted them to know what caused the problems and not to worry. And it would also help them to watch for problems with their bands. Which turned out to be a good thing because another bander ended up with similar issues- and it was due to female life.
So anyway- not even a year after the lapband I was having surgery again. I had a great idea though- as long as they were cutting me open - why not make it a longer incision and have a tummy tuck! So everyone agreed and that is what I did! Second best surgery I ever had. (although somewhat painful) The surgery went well- I had a lot of staples and the pain was bearable. The part I worried about was having the drains removed. The staples coming out didn't worry me at all! It turned out to be the opposite- the staples hurt like HE** and the drains- I didn't feel a thing!! go figure. The staples coming out was the worst part of the whole surgery!! Seriously! The second worst part was the back ache I had from limited sitting/sleeping positions. The rest wasn't a problem for me. I had surgery on Thursday - came home Saturday (I was kind of miserable and tired by the time we got home -it is a two hour drive) but then Sunday - I went to the store so I could walk around and while I was there I decided I would make fudge for my co-workers. I made fudge that day and wrapped some Christmas presents. Then the next day I went to the hospital to deliver my fudge. Going places like that gives me more space to move and walk and stretch without walking outside on the slippery sidewalks and without the boredom of walking on a treadmill- which I did a lot of that for recovery as well. So the surgery was a success. My recovery was quite easy for the kinds of surgery I had.
A friend of mine asked me if I would do the band again- I told him that if anything happened and my band had to be removed- I would pay to do it again! Even with the problems I have had- I am 100% thankful I made the choice to do it! I am so thankful for this wonderful option- it is truly a safe life saving option!!! I recommend it!!!
I used to worry that people would think "she took the easy way out" I used to think that is what I was doing- REST ASSURED- THIS IS NOT AN EASY WAY OUT!!!! It has been work- it is not easy- It is a tool- a great tool! BUT there is still work involved. You will learn more about yourself and your body then you ever thought you would want or need to know!
That first time I had my band emptied-wow- I really could tell the difference in having my band working for me and not... I told the dr "if anyone ever says they don't think the band is working for them- empty it for them and tell them to come back in two weeks and see what they learned!" It works! It is a tool though- still leaves a lot of work to the patient! But don't let that scare you off! It is definitely a work to be proud of!
Until I blog again....
Friday, November 21, 2008
Surgery Day
Surgery day- I was so excited. I don't remember being nervous at all! I was so excited to start my new life! I got to my little room, and the lady that was heading up the program came to see me. She even brought a gift to me - bath and body lotion and shower gel. The dr came in too. I remember getting gowned up and ready to go. Next I remember them trying to talk to me to wake me up! I was irritated cause I was tired and wanted to sleep! Then I was back to my room and up walking as much as I could do!
My son was wrestling in the state tournament that night. My husband found a internet site that was broadcasting so we got to watch him wrestle! I was yelling and cheering! It was a great night!
They keep you over night so they can do a test in the morning to check for any complications from the surgery. I was out of the hospital by 1- the next morning. The drive home was a little rough but I survived. My surgery was Thursday, and I was back to work on Tues. AWESOME!
It was an easy recovery! Seriously the best thing I ever did!!! Surgery day isn't anything to worry about and nothing too exciting went on! Except me yelling in my room at night at the wrestling tournament.
Until I blog again.....
My son was wrestling in the state tournament that night. My husband found a internet site that was broadcasting so we got to watch him wrestle! I was yelling and cheering! It was a great night!
They keep you over night so they can do a test in the morning to check for any complications from the surgery. I was out of the hospital by 1- the next morning. The drive home was a little rough but I survived. My surgery was Thursday, and I was back to work on Tues. AWESOME!
It was an easy recovery! Seriously the best thing I ever did!!! Surgery day isn't anything to worry about and nothing too exciting went on! Except me yelling in my room at night at the wrestling tournament.
Until I blog again.....
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Pre-Surgery
I was so excited to be faced with an option of losing weight that would help me! I had tried a lot of self diets, Richard Simmons, TOPS, weight watchers at home, working out with friends, etc. NOTHING worked!! I saw the Lapband as my answer! The best answer I had ever found!
I have family members who have had the gastric bypass surgery. I knew about that surgery. The lapband is so much a better option in my opinion. I love the fact that if there are problems (always a possibility however small) the band can be removed and my body is as it should be! All the body parts as they were- nothing cut, nothing removed. And the part that helps me lose weight- is adjustable!!! Changed as my body changes.... used the way my body needs it! No dumping syndrome, and I can drink water!! YAHOOO! I love my water! I know many gastric bypass patients, and they have to sip their water!! I don't have to sip my water usually- there are days but most often I get my water in easily!
So the program I participated in was pretty good. I went to a seminar and learned about the pros and cons (the pros definitely weighed heavier!!- the cons were nothing for me to worry about). Then it was on to the process- I saw the dr, I did a psych eval (and PASSED!), saw the various people they have you visit with- dietician, physical therapy, respiratory therapy, and of course I had to face those darned dreaded scales!!! 244!!!
Everything was approved, and I started a 700 calories a day diet - dr approved- for the two weeks before the surgery! I lost 17 pounds in that time! Someone asked me how come I couldn't just do that and lose the weight instead of surgery! HAVE YOU EVER EATEN 700 CALORIES A DAY FOR TWO WEEKS!!!????? UGH it is physically draining!! Which is WHY you can't just do that and survive. Once you get to your goal weight (if you did survive) you will be rather sick and go back to eating cause you made your goal and go RIGHT BACK TO THE BEGINNING!!! It is a vicious ugly cycle we put ourselves on and for whatever reason we don't learn our lesson!
OH things I had to learn to live without- bread! rice! drinking during a meal!!! WOW I was worried- those are things that I knew would be so hard on me!!! You know what- don't really miss it! I did it! I left them behind! It has been worth it!!! But I was so worried about the bread and drinking at meal time that I started to work on those things from the first moment I learned of it!! (Ok not the first moment!- after that first appointment I went to Golden Corral and of course enjoyed some of those wonderful delicious dinner rolls!!! YUMMMMMmmmmMMM) Ok sorry- lost my head for a minute!! I don't miss those to often either. =)
Well, it is time for me to head to the support group and since I am in charge- I better not be late. Next I will take you through the surgery day! Think I will go through my journal I kept back then so I can share my thoughts from then as well.
Until I blog again.....
I have family members who have had the gastric bypass surgery. I knew about that surgery. The lapband is so much a better option in my opinion. I love the fact that if there are problems (always a possibility however small) the band can be removed and my body is as it should be! All the body parts as they were- nothing cut, nothing removed. And the part that helps me lose weight- is adjustable!!! Changed as my body changes.... used the way my body needs it! No dumping syndrome, and I can drink water!! YAHOOO! I love my water! I know many gastric bypass patients, and they have to sip their water!! I don't have to sip my water usually- there are days but most often I get my water in easily!
So the program I participated in was pretty good. I went to a seminar and learned about the pros and cons (the pros definitely weighed heavier!!- the cons were nothing for me to worry about). Then it was on to the process- I saw the dr, I did a psych eval (and PASSED!), saw the various people they have you visit with- dietician, physical therapy, respiratory therapy, and of course I had to face those darned dreaded scales!!! 244!!!
Everything was approved, and I started a 700 calories a day diet - dr approved- for the two weeks before the surgery! I lost 17 pounds in that time! Someone asked me how come I couldn't just do that and lose the weight instead of surgery! HAVE YOU EVER EATEN 700 CALORIES A DAY FOR TWO WEEKS!!!????? UGH it is physically draining!! Which is WHY you can't just do that and survive. Once you get to your goal weight (if you did survive) you will be rather sick and go back to eating cause you made your goal and go RIGHT BACK TO THE BEGINNING!!! It is a vicious ugly cycle we put ourselves on and for whatever reason we don't learn our lesson!
OH things I had to learn to live without- bread! rice! drinking during a meal!!! WOW I was worried- those are things that I knew would be so hard on me!!! You know what- don't really miss it! I did it! I left them behind! It has been worth it!!! But I was so worried about the bread and drinking at meal time that I started to work on those things from the first moment I learned of it!! (Ok not the first moment!- after that first appointment I went to Golden Corral and of course enjoyed some of those wonderful delicious dinner rolls!!! YUMMMMMmmmmMMM) Ok sorry- lost my head for a minute!! I don't miss those to often either. =)
Well, it is time for me to head to the support group and since I am in charge- I better not be late. Next I will take you through the surgery day! Think I will go through my journal I kept back then so I can share my thoughts from then as well.
Until I blog again.....
The beginning
The heaviest I ever remember seeing the scales hit was 275. I am sure I weighed more at one time but I don't remember weighing after seeing that horrifying number! I started gaining weight in late jr high. Reasons? I suffered migraines that kept me from being physically active, I found freedom in choosing and buying food at school (own money), I became a teenager who ate her feelings.
I met my husband just out of high school. I weighed 200 plus at this time and was a single mom. He loved me for me though, and I am thankful for that. We went on to have a second child and adopt four others. My weight piled on as I stayed at home to take care of the kids - they are very close in age so I stayed very busy - too busy to tend to myself (not that I would have really - but excuses are nice).
We moved from Illinois to Idaho, and I lost 30 pounds pretty quick and that was it. I hovered around 250 for years. I ate out of boredom, depression, stress, anger, and I was a midnight grazer. I would get up in the middle of the night (bathroom break- didn't sleep well ever) and I would almost always stop at the fridge- okay- I would go out of my way to get to the fridge- it really wasn't a stopping point from my bed to the bathroom! It was an addiction- a habit. Horrible and deadly....
I tried everything I could afford. Eat healthier, Richard Simmons videos (your giggle here) but that's what I had, and they really weren't THAT bad! I struggled- like most people - when I tried to lose weight. I would get so excited when I lost two pounds in three weeks! Then I would think about how long it would take to lose the rest and that was it. TOO LONG! TOO HARD!
So 5 years ago- my husband lost his job- laid off- and with an amazing benefit! We were sent to school! Paid for! downfall? We had to drive an hour and a half one way every day to go! BUT we did it- of course what did we eat... fast food. So no weight loss going on there- However- I got a great job at the local hospital.
How does that fit in to my story of Lapbanding? Well, in 2006 our Human Resource person pushed to get our insurance to pay for weight loss surgery! Where the insurance wouldn't cover anything for weight loss! Hello? don't they know it is a disease!? ANYWAY- She told me she was working at it, and I called my husband. I said "I am having surgery ASAP" I told him about the lapband, and that night he saw a commercial for the first time about the same surgery! Jan 2007 our insurance started covering the lapband. Not great coverage but enough.
I didn't just jump into the surgery- I researched all that I could. I compared the surgery with past weight loss surgery options and the popular gastric bypass. This was a wonderful option! For many many reasons! I saw the Dr in January and had my surgery set for Feb. 22 (just after my birthday!!)
I hope that this blog will help others decide whether or not this surgery is for them, make them comfortable in the fact that they are not alone in this battle against weight, and find a little humor in life. I intend to post more of what I learned about myself, weight, people, and share the experiences I have had. Most people laugh at my shadow dancing! Which I will share with you in the future!
Until I blog again....
I met my husband just out of high school. I weighed 200 plus at this time and was a single mom. He loved me for me though, and I am thankful for that. We went on to have a second child and adopt four others. My weight piled on as I stayed at home to take care of the kids - they are very close in age so I stayed very busy - too busy to tend to myself (not that I would have really - but excuses are nice).
We moved from Illinois to Idaho, and I lost 30 pounds pretty quick and that was it. I hovered around 250 for years. I ate out of boredom, depression, stress, anger, and I was a midnight grazer. I would get up in the middle of the night (bathroom break- didn't sleep well ever) and I would almost always stop at the fridge- okay- I would go out of my way to get to the fridge- it really wasn't a stopping point from my bed to the bathroom! It was an addiction- a habit. Horrible and deadly....
I tried everything I could afford. Eat healthier, Richard Simmons videos (your giggle here) but that's what I had, and they really weren't THAT bad! I struggled- like most people - when I tried to lose weight. I would get so excited when I lost two pounds in three weeks! Then I would think about how long it would take to lose the rest and that was it. TOO LONG! TOO HARD!
So 5 years ago- my husband lost his job- laid off- and with an amazing benefit! We were sent to school! Paid for! downfall? We had to drive an hour and a half one way every day to go! BUT we did it- of course what did we eat... fast food. So no weight loss going on there- However- I got a great job at the local hospital.
How does that fit in to my story of Lapbanding? Well, in 2006 our Human Resource person pushed to get our insurance to pay for weight loss surgery! Where the insurance wouldn't cover anything for weight loss! Hello? don't they know it is a disease!? ANYWAY- She told me she was working at it, and I called my husband. I said "I am having surgery ASAP" I told him about the lapband, and that night he saw a commercial for the first time about the same surgery! Jan 2007 our insurance started covering the lapband. Not great coverage but enough.
I didn't just jump into the surgery- I researched all that I could. I compared the surgery with past weight loss surgery options and the popular gastric bypass. This was a wonderful option! For many many reasons! I saw the Dr in January and had my surgery set for Feb. 22 (just after my birthday!!)
I hope that this blog will help others decide whether or not this surgery is for them, make them comfortable in the fact that they are not alone in this battle against weight, and find a little humor in life. I intend to post more of what I learned about myself, weight, people, and share the experiences I have had. Most people laugh at my shadow dancing! Which I will share with you in the future!
Until I blog again....
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