On your Marks.....

We open our Christmas presents on Christmas Eve so let me tell you what I got. I am soooo excited!
I got a success habits book and workbook! I have read a good portion of the workbook and look forward to reading the book. Already, I can see how this can help me get moving as well as be a help with the support group!!! WOW!

I got a book titled "get motivated" helps you set goals and achieve them. An over all kind of goals... not weight related or money related I don't think... just any goals. So that will help me put goals in place and work for them!

Ty gave me two work out dvd's - Biggest Loser Workouts- sculpt and cardio. A six week program. This we will be starting jan 4th and I will only do upper body work for the first time around. After that I will be able to increase what I do as my foot allows. (having the right foot surgery on Dec 29). One of the boys gave me a book from biggest loser- success secrets. I will be using these stories for self motivation as well as in support group.

Another book I received was not weight related, but I am excited just the same. It is a fictional story written by a dear friend of mine. She was even so nice to write a personal message to me inside. She is so awesome. So I guess I will use this as my relaxation time. Perhaps read it next week while I am laid up post surgery!

I have spent a little time online tonight printing some articles on training.... marathon/running training. So reading will be a part of my training as I recover. OH one of the boys gave me a Biggest Loser calendar. I love it. He got me one last year too. I like those calendars. Lots of tips, motivation, places to write notes and goals, as well as check mark exercise and weigh ins.

So I am getting ready to go. I will probably need a new pair of shoes after the surgeries and healing time. Something with some more foot space and different stitching lines to avoid incision lines. That is what I will be asking for those for my birthday!

I just wanted to tell everyone Merry Christmas, and I am working on those marathon goals. Got a lot of work to do, but I AM getting started!!!!!

until I blog again.....

Feeling lots better!!!

WOW- this has been a hard month and a half or so. I have been feeling weaker and weaker as the weeks passed. I wasn't able to drink much or eat any thing. Popcorn and icecream with peanut butter cups has been my main stay for a while. Dec 14th a dr did another scope and stretched out my esophagus and pyloris. Food hasn't been much of a problem since! My biggest problem with it was today - I want to eat!!!! BUT my body needs some nutrition so I won't complain to much!

So - due to weakness- marathon training is on hold for a bit. I made a deal with another patient to try an at home simple 10 minutes a day work out program. So I will be doing that until after the first of the year then I will add the gym. I probably won't be using the gym much for january
due to my foot surgery on Dec 29th but I will work on upper body strength and walk some on the treadmill as I am able. SHHHhhhh Don't tell the dr I said that!

Ty found an eight week training program that puts it so you should be able to walk or run 2 miles in 30 minutes by the end. So that is a starting point!!!! Anything will help! I am hoping to do some short runs this summer and during the relay for life in July- I hope to run some on the track. last year I did ten laps where I ran the curves and walked the straight aways. I would love to run ten -12 straight laps. BUT I know I am asking a lot of my body at this point. I need to suck it up and prepare for this. NO EXCUSES (except my foot!) I need to make time for working out. I can do this. Ty is unsure if he will be able to run but we both have the same goal of losing 40 pounds so even if he can't run the marathon- he can lose weight.

I want to one day do well enough to push my son in his wheelchair while I run. That is a major major goal, but it would be an awesome one to accomplish!!! I was thinking about diaper changes for him during a marathon.... then I wondered about a bathroom for me!!! hmmm.... that would be important to me to know that! =)

Anyway- so I have not begun my training except the at home exercise I challenged someone to do with me. And I failed the first day! (yesterday) so I will do the routine twice today.

until I blog again......

Are you ready for this?

You all know I am a biggest loser fan. Well, I was watching it this week and then the marathon. I looked at Ty and asked if he would want to run a marathon. So after a short conversation it was decided we will begin to train!

Can you believe it!!!??? I wish I could have seen the look on Lacey's face when she read that! Yes- I am going to begin training for a marathon. I am not making any promises at this point that I will run a marathon, but the intention is there for now! Perhaps I will come to my senses!! Perhaps not! HA

So, my training will be starting out slow because I am recovering from left foot surgery and will be having right foot surgery later this month. I will be doing mild stuff to try and get back into a routine. Then as the foot allows, I will increase my work.

Perhaps you are all asking what would make me want to think about doing such a thing. Lacey is sitting there saying "you go girl! you can do it!" She is my running cheerleader, and I think I am really going to need her while I train! HaHa ANYWAY- Why would I do such a thing... Why would I even think about doing such a thing? Here's my logical, psychotic answer: "biggest loser made me do it!" I watch week after week as people who are overweight workout with Bob and Jillian. I watch the work they put into it. I am amazed at their ability to overcome the weight, pain, and suffering as they do the work outs. All I can think is that I am not very much overweight, but I doubt I could workout like they do. How awful is that!? I am so out of shape. It just goes to show that weight and size isn't always the only contributing factors to health.

So, I decided to prove to myself that I can do it. I can accomplish something major. I am not in it to run the whole way - although I would like to. I am not in it to complete it by in a certain amount of time, although I will get to that point where I set a goal. I am not in it to win by being the first person across the finish line. I am in it to show myself I can do it. I can work towards a large goal, and I can make it. I can do this. I am not a big fan of running but I am a fan of meeting goals.

Join with me as I begin to train. It will be including many forms of exercise, eating right, running, blogging, crying, trying to give up, trying to succeed. I can do this.

until I blog again....

Goal

My new goal is to be to my goal weight by May 28th. That is six months away. If someone can figure out my health problems soon and get me feeling better, I might have a chance to meet that goal.

I really don't have a true weight I want to be. I have an idea of where I want to be. My biggest goal is to be able to go to any doctor office and not have the dr tell me I am overweight. I want to be below the radar on the overweight category!!!

I want to feel good and look good. So I have a weight range I want to get to. Then I will decide where I want to stay. So- to get to this range I need to lose 35-45 pounds. Unless I keep living off of popcorn and ice cream... blah!

I want to shrink out of EVERYTHING I own right now and go clothes shopping!!!! I would like to wear single digit pants... but I will be just fine if I stay in 10's. My biggest size goal is to get rid of the stupid muffin top. I look like those big giant muffins from Maverick- not a little muffin top... HA

So any support and encouraging words I can get would be great and appreciated!

until I blog again.....

Halloween

I went as my former self for Halloween. Didn't win any costume contests but it was fun to do. The administrator said no one could appreciate the costume as much as he did. It was strange to be "big" again. I have no idea how I tied my shoes all those years. I tried walking between a desk and wall in the front office and had to really work to get my booty through there. By the end of the day I was so hot- so I shed my extra weight. Couldn't do that when I was truly big. It was an interesting experience. I am so thankful for my band. I do not know how I lived so long being overweight. I don't know what I would do if I ever had to have it removed for medical issues. I would cry and cry and cry. I see band removal as a death sentence. Not that I would just go eat all kinds of junk and such- but the band gives me the ability to feel full! I don't have that with the band being opened or not there. I need that feeling of being full. It is what keeps me from gaining weight, from over eating. Not having the band in place= death sentence. simple as that. I would do my best- I would exercise and everything but no band=death sentence. Nothing scarier in this world to me than the idea of taking my band out.

until I blog again.....

GOALS MET

So - In Orlando I met my goals.
1. eat out at a restaurant alone
2. go to a movie in a movie theater alone
3. go swimming alone

On top of that I ate new foods
1. tuna
2. grouper
3. japanese beef wraps with sea weed

Also- walked up to others and introduced myself and asked to sit with them. Had a Dr befriend me and enjoyed all the people I met on this trip. It was such a neat experience. I stepped out of my comfort zone many times. I met the goals I set for myself and did many other new things as well. The weather was beautiful, the education was wonderful, the experience exhilarating, and I am very pleased with the trip and myself.

until I blog again.....

Wed. in Orlando

Well, Wed was the last full day in Orlando. I got up and went to the summit. I sat with Heather again for breakfast. Then I found Jackie and told her it was nice to meet her. We had a session this day that was split up by job titles basically. It was a good session. Afterwards I went back to my hotel, got changed, and took pictures of the hotel. It really was a fun hotel as far as the decorating outside! Then I went to Epcot.

I walked around and got an idea of the things there. I got my picture taken with chip and dale. Then went and rode the clam shell and watched a short version of Finding Nemo. It was fun. I got the experience of announcing it was just me when they asked how many in my group or family. It's ok. I enjoyed watching some of the reactions.

I went to the area where there were buildings for different countries. I looked in a few of them. I found the Japanese area. I was excited. But then I learned they weren't totally what I was looking for. I thought it would me museum style things to look at. Each area offered a couple of restaurants serving ethnic food and a gift shop where you can buy things from the country.

I bought some Japanese candy for the kids, a set of nice chopsticks for myself, and tea cups for me and Ty with our names on it written in Japanese. Then I went and bought beef wraps from the Japanese kiosk. They were yummy! I went and sat in the concert area and watched Billy Ocean perform. It was hilarious. He walked out on the stage, and everyone started whispering that it wasn't really him. He had gray hair.... I giggled thinking that I am sure everyone that was whispering had aged in the 20 years since he was around so why wouldn't Billy Ocean himself age? Once he started singing everyone knew it was him and enjoyed it.

I went and stood in line to get my picture taken with the Disney characters. I stood among moms and dads with their kids and a couple of young couples enjoying life. I got my picture taken with each one of the characters that were in line. I had a great time!!! Probably one of my favorite moments! HA Then I went on a couple of other things, watched the dancing waters, and went to downtown Disney. Walked into a few stores I didn't go to the other times I was there. Got a treat and went back to my hotel.

My shuttle bus for the airport was picking me up at 4:15AM!!! ugh. So I packed my bag, made sure I was ready to go, and took a nap. I was exhausted, but happy, relaxed, and proud of myself. It was a good few days.

until I blog again....

Tues Night in Orlando!

The summit was great! I learned so much while I was in class. I learned a lot about the band, fills, other illnesses, support groups, etc. It was a wealth of information!!! Some of the information is leading to the discovery of some of my problems! So that is great!!!

I invited myself to sit with a lady named Heather the first morning for breakfast. And then with Jackie at lunch. They were nice ladies. I was proud of myself for not hiding in a corner alone. I did a lot with my time away! lots of new things for me!!

I even answered a question during class!! They wanted to know our opinion of future lapbands and what we would want to see from them. Some of the ideas talked about was a self adjusting band- one that would adjust as your body changes, hormonal swelling, tight in the morning, etc. The other big idea was to make it so patients can adjust their own band. SO I raised my hand and voiced my opinion. Told them my name and hospital. Told them my role in the clinic but told them I also come as a lapband patient. I said that as a band patient I would love to see a self adjusting band. I am typically tight in the morning and suffer from the hormonal swelling so a band that adjusts to my body is a great idea. And then I said how I would never agree to a band that the patients adjust themselves. I said that would lead into anorexia issues as well as the other direction... too much opening it for parties and that allows for cheating the band. I do not believe that a patient doing their own adjustments is something that should ever happen. It was after my comment that they actually asked how many people there were patients. There was 8 of us. Another lady spoke and said she was a coordinator and is now a consultant... I can't remember what she said but I knew I wanted to ask her the difference in a coordinator and consultant but when I tried to head over to her at the end a nice gentleman came up to me and introduced himself. Kevin. He has lost 100 pounds with the band. looks amazing. I got to see his before pic. We talked for a bit. He was very nice.

Tuesday night was a reception, dinner, dancing, dessert, mickey and minnie, fireworks. It was a neat experience. I wasn't sure I would like doing this alone but I wasn't going to back down. Classes went late so I didn't go back to the hotel, I just walked around and waited until it was time for the party. I walked up to someone and asked if I could sit at their table (there weren't many people there yet). I am getting better at this!! A dr walked up and started talking to us. She knew the lady I had talked to but not me. We walked away together to get food and drinks. I came back and the table I was going to sit at seemed full so I sat at a small table alone. The dr came back and asked if she could sit with me! I said "sure" she was a presenter at the summit so I felt good to have her want to join me. Then another presenter came up and talked to us. She invited the dr to join her at her table and the dr looked at me and said "should we join them" WOW. She is a neat lady! So I sat at a table with presenters and drs. I introduced myself and a lady named Marsha was sitting next to me and when she heard my name she said "you are SHERRI?! I was suppose to talk to you. Heather said I needed to talk to you about support groups" I was shocked. We had a nice talk. It was a great night!!! Mickey and Minnie came and I got my pic with Mickey- Kevin saw and asked it it would be on my blog! I told him it sure would be!! He said his would be too! I waited for the fireworks and finally they went off. like four rounds. then nothing. so we all gave up and headed to our rooms/buses/ etc....

It was still pretty early... it was extra chilly and windy though. On the trip back to my hotel I was thinking about the rest of my time there. I decided if I was to make my swimming pool goal tonight would have to be the night. So I got back to the hotel- walked past one swimming pool and no one was there. I went and changed to my swimsuit and by the time I got done on the phone and out the door it was 1130! It was way chilly!! I went to the closest pool and stepped in..... All I could think was- is this goal really worth it? If I just step in and go again did I accomplish it? Then a voice said "it will warm up once you are in just go for it" It was a sweet girl from Russia. I did as she said. Then she and I walked/swam up and down the pool for half an hour talking. It was very nice. She married an American and has a child. They were there on vacation. She talked of her home in Russia and some of the ways there. Then we got cold and said good night. SO goal number 3 accomplished and was a pleasant time despite the cold.

Oh and I tried tuna- not like in the can... but tuna!! It was good! It was an eventful day! And I am feeling good about myself, my progress, my goals, my accomplishments!!!

until I blog again....

The rest of the night

After I had my dinner, I walked around Downtown Disney. It was fun. All the shops, the scenery. I loved the lego shop. It was too fun! All the lego options. I am going back one day and buying lots of legos for my future grandchildren.

Anyway- it was time for me to go for goal number 2. A movie. I couldn't decide what movie to see. There were a few that I wanted to wait until I could go see them with my son. And there was two others that I was debating from. It came down to Couple's Retreat. I got my ticket, my popcorn, a drink, and I was off to the movie. I sat in the last row (typical of where Ty and I sit) then I wondered if I should sit somewhere different. But then three other couples came and sat in the back row as well. It was a great movie. I love when the crowd laughs and gets involved in the story. I laughed out loud. Not hiding the fact I was there or the fact that I was alone. It was great. I felt good about meeting two goals in the same night.

Ok - so why the goals? Perhaps some of you are wondering that... well, as an overweight person these are things I would never have done alone. I always imagined people staring, people laughing, people thinking "look at that fat girl- can't get a date" or "look at that fat girl- look at what she is eating no wonder no one wants to go out with her" probably in some cases there are those people who would think that but mostly it was probably just my insecurities and fears. My low self-esteem.

It was so important to me to meet these goals. I wanted to ride a ride in Denver alone and never did it. So I couldn't fail at another goal. I am so happy that I met these goals. It was a great night. I enjoyed the time alone, watching the people around me, learning about myself- facing some fears. I was pretty tired by the end of the day though! =) I was proud of myself.

So down to goal number 3- the swimming pool...

until I blog again....

quick note

I am not feeling well. Life has been a little ugly for me. I am tired and worn out right now. BUT I wanted to let everyone know I was still here.

I went to Orlando Florida for a gastric band summit!! It was the best thing I could have done! It was awesome. I went alone- no one else from the clinic went and neither did my hubby. It was me. I had three main goals with my bit of free time... to go to a movie alone, out to eat alone, and go to the swimming pool alone. I DID THEM ALL!!! My waiter at the restaurant probably thought I was nuts. Let me touch on this topic tonight, and I will work on the rest of my trip this weekend.

The first night I had free time, I was going to go to the hotel and change my clothes then go to Down Town Disney. I had already looked at the options there and decided that the Rainforest Cafe would be a nice entertaining place to eat. I was waiting for my shuttle bus and the next bus I saw was for DownTown Disney- so I decided I would just go straight there. SO I DID. Checked out a few shops then went to the cafe. They ask at the first stop how many in your party... one I quietly said. Then you get in line and wait to be seated. So then they call your name and confirm how many are in your party. I clearly said ONE. The guy takes me to my seat. Bless his heart. He was almost apologetic when he took me to a table and asked "is this ok for you tonight" sounding all sad for me. I kind of giggled. Next a lady walked by and asked if i was alone or something to that affect. I said yes. and she took the extra set of silverware. She LEFT the extra napkin but she took the silverware. I thought that was the sad pathetic move done in a movie to make the viewers sympathetic to the character. sigh. SO my waiter comes, and I ask for a children's menu! too funny. and then proceed to order from it! It was tasty, but I couldn't eat it all. At one point I asked the waiter to please take my picture. I told him he needed to show the other chair to prove I was eating alone. He kind of chuckled. I told him it was a long story and laughed. So that was my first night alone.

I walked around DownTown Disney. My favorite place was the lego shop!!! AWESOME!!! Will share more of this night later. thanks to my waiter for taking my pic and laughing along with me and not at me.

until I blog again....

my bittersweet moment

Well, so much has gone on and so many things going on in my head. I wished I had time to get on here each time I had a thought that I wanted to share. Because then I get on here and forget what I was going to say?
But this I remember. I have had a couple of hard days.... bad news - kids making bad choices. So last night after receiving some of this news, hubby and I went to the grocery store. I walked by the donuts... oh I wanted one of those white iced rings!! Then I thought- no ice cream will satisfy this upset better Then I thought BOTH will help me feel better!! THEN I thought- NO WAY... Now is the time to break some bad habits. I am NOT going to eat my feelings away. I am going to do something different. I got home, put on my exercise clothes, and I went for a walk. I put on my head phones, turned the music up and I walked. and walked and walked. and cried and cried and cried..... by the time I got done walking I had walked 4.7 miles.... I was pretty proud of myself for the choices I made. OK- let me say this... I did buy a pb cup package and I ate one and hubby ate the other. I was so pleased with my decisions!! Today I weighed in and I lost 4 pounds. YIPPEEE. So the work I put in this week was successful. I am so thankful. I followed my lapband rules, got away from sweets and bread, and I exercised. I feel pretty good. so the bitter part was the bad news I got and the feelings I had.... the sweet part is my choices as to how to handle it.

I am going to a gastric band summit in November. I am so excited. I can't wait. There is so much potential for good learning in this summit based on the titles. I hope it proves to be a good learning experience. I think it will. I am going completely alone... so here is my chance to really be out of my comfort zone!!! I am planning on going swimming, eating, and to a movie alone. totally out of my comfort zone. I intend to make a friend at the conference. perhaps one that wants to keep in touch after the fact. perhaps just one to talk to while we are there. I am excited. I can't wait.

until I blog again.....

coasters!

Ok- we took a couple of our kids and went to denver for my son's sernior trip. One activity we are doing is Elitch Gardens (used to be Six Flags Elitch Garden) The first ride we went on was a wodden roller coaster. I will have to say that two years ago- I would have been so embarrassed cause I don't think I would have fit in the seat!! I was squeezed into it as it was!! So that was pretty cool.

The other part of the park is a water park. I wore a swim suit. I have a tankini- the shorts and tank. well, I needed to buy a new pair of shorts cause last years was too big. so I bought a size smaller and then when i went to wear them I realized that there wasn't any underwear part in the shorts. I don't tlike that! SO- i went a bought a pair of bikini bottoms (not sponge bobs home) and THEN i wore them without the shorts!!! So out of my comfort zone- but I haven't stepped outside my comfort zone very much lately.

Anyway- new things for me. I am having a good time, but honestly- haven't been sunburned on my shoulders and back for over 20 years!! So that is a new adventure as well!! HA I am not sunburned too badly- just stings a bit.

until I blog again

Well, I am in Illinois. My uncle passed away after a brief but ugly illness. We are thankful he went quickly and didn't have to suffer from the illness for long. We are all very shocked at the fact that he is gone though, age 53. What a man. I can hear him laughing in my mind though. He had quite the laugh. the kind that makes you know he is in the crowd if you didn't see him! It's like a recording playing over and over again in my head. A pleasant memory.

I flew into chicago yesterday and then waited there for my aunt connie to arrive from her flight. While I waited I got to thinking... I hope she and I recognize each other. She had the gastric and has lost a lot of weight. We have seen pics of each other but not seen each other face to face. She got off the plane and we hugged and she said "I was afraid we wouldn't recognize each other" ha! too funny!

She and I have shared some stories. Things like how fun it is to fit in an airplane seat!!! That is so wonderful!!! She said she was next to two big men and she offered to scoot over a bit... one guy said he was glad there weren't three big people and she was thinking "i used to be" then she was telling me about going to the chiropractor and he said her hips were out of line and after seeing her cross her legs said it might be due to sitting like that for a long time. She told him she couldn't do that until recently! What fun! My chiropractor called me a little petite housewife.... i don't know what else he said in that sentence!! HA I shared my shadow dancing story.

We shared with each other the foods we can eat and can't eat. Shared our hiccup habits. Shared some other stories. We have been sharing stories of drs, kids, uncle paul, looking at pictures.... found a picture of my grandma flying her kite. that is my favorite memory of her. You can see her and the kite string... i am going to hang it on my wall and put a small kite up too i think!!

next week I am going to get on the climbing wall!! Something I wanted to try but figured I was too fat to do until now. So I am going to give it a try! Hope I can make it to the top!!! that would be awesome! (I have no arm strength!! HAHA) Will try to post pics next week!!!

until I blog again....

hmmmm.......

Well, I am no further along in my motivational speech. Having a hard time concentrating. A bit scatterbrained. I think some side effects from the injections I have had to fix the medical problems have now set in. I am not really thrilled over this but I understand it is temporary.

I bought a pair of jeans a couple of weeks ago and was surprised to find they came with a fortune cookie like message on the tag... embrace your independence. this is your life, put all of your energy into it and show off your intelligence to the world. You are unique and beautiful so...."

so it is up to me to finish that sentence right? I am unique, and I am beautiful. So now what.... the world is open to me. what do I want to do?

I want to build up the weight loss clinic, I want to help others to be their best and to love themselves, I want to reach my goal weight one day. I want to raise my kids and know they are happy. I want to do something good with my life.

confidence to be me

Well, I have been thinking about doing some motivational speaking. My theme- the confidence to be me. I have it started in my head but can't seem to get it out on paper. I want to practice in toastmasters. I want speak to high schoolers. Any suggestions and support is greatly appreciated!

The idea behind my talk is to love yourself as you are. No matter what - we have something we don't like about ourselves. After losing most of my weight, I don't like my arms or inner thighs. We are hard on ourselves. We take what other people think to heart and also condemn ourselves to a life of criticism. I want to use the line "the world will tell you who you are until you tell the world" in my talk.

So like I said- suggestions and support is much appreciated. Not sure the length of speech - I think I want to make it 30-60 minutes with variations so if I am asked to speak for 15 minutes I have it covered and ready to go. I don't know. perhaps I wouldn't do well with this. But I guess I won't know unless I try!

Until I blog again.....

biggest loser finale

I loved the finale!!! This was so awesome. I screamed, cheered, and cried!! Of course Mike went on to the finals. I wanted Mike to win! BUT I have to give credit where credit is due- Helen looked amazing. It was close!

When Jerry walked out on stage- Ty and I were pretty sure he had the at home prize in the bag. To see this man-passes out in the first hour of the season- takes an ambulance to the hospital, goes home at the end of the first week, COMES BACK to the finale- lost 177 pounds and won 100,000 dollars! I cheered and clapped every time they mentioned his name. He looked amazing. He had a couple of people come close to beating him but pretty much untouchable.

For the most part, everyone did a great job and looked amazing! It is so motivating to me. I need a push- please send me encouragement to get my hind end exercising! I want to make it to my goal but after all those health issues and solutions, I just haven't been motivated to work out! I am doing a GREAAATTTTTT job maintaining! I lose a pound gain the pound, lose the pound, gain the pound!! If I would lose a new pound every time instead of the same pound, I would be to my goal! HA

I will get there. Slow and Steady wins the race!!!! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.... if at first you don't succeed, try try again.... feel free to send me your own cliche motivations!! HAHAHA

I am feeling better every day, and more like myself. It has been a long 5 months, and I have a few more months of uncertain side effects from the injection I received, but life is progressing! I am gaining energy and this past weekend with time away-I know I will be ok!

until I blog again.....

Life passing you by?

The biggest loser last night- WOW

Four people left, sent home for 30 days, find out they are going to run a marathon for their last challenge, and despite their worries about it, they all plan to do it and finish. Ron knows his knees aren't doing well but says right off that he will be walking it and intends to walk the whole 26 miles!!

So the contestants learn a little bit about balancing their lives and how to relax and enjoy without over doing on the calories. They learn a little bit more about themselves. I liked when Jillian pointed out that looking at Mike and his brother Max side by side was like a real live before and after photo.

Ron knows that he was not a good example to his kids and wants to change that - that was his driving force. He may have been a big game player but it was all in efforts to help his kid succeed- as a parent I understand that. I am proud of him for his level of understanding in his role in his kids' health. I was shocked that he intended to do the marathon!

Mike- bless his heart, he wants his brother to succeed. He and Ron spend some of their time in that 30 days at home to help Max get started! Bob and Jillian even help Max. I was so touched by that. Max showed such a level of dedication himself.

So onto the marathon. Just a couple of days before the challenge Mike hurts his hip somehow and is forced to walk the marathon. He is bummed out of course but resigns himself to walking. And so Tara and Helen start off running and the men walk. Their prize for the challenge is IF they finish they will get 10,000 dollars for a charity of their choice! Awesome!!!

At one point on the marathon they see a friend or family member waiting for them and that person joins them for a while. Max is there!!! He walks with Mike and makes it quite far for someone of his size. This allowed Mike to walk a bit faster and leaves his dad behind. The ladies finish is under 6 hours. Mike finishes in 9 hours, and they wait for Ron. That man is amazing!!! he set his mind to finishing that marathon- he has to stop a handful of times and even take time to be checked out by the dr. AND YET HE KEEPS GOING!!!!! some 13 hours later that man walks across the finish line-several people walking with him- other contestants, past contestants, etc!! Mike, Max, and Ron embrace - I am crying like a baby- and all four contestants get a check for $10,000. Weigh in takes place, Mike and Ron are below the yellow line and America gets to vote who makes the finale. Ron, of course, pleads for America to vote for his son.

So- let me tell you- this show has me feeling a little bummed out. To see Ron push himself and do what he did. WOW- I think about my own progress at the moment and overall really. I see Helen lifting 25 pounds in ONE hand over her head!!! WOW! A co-worker of mine pointed out to me one day that I wasn't suppose to compare that kind of stuff to myself (I felt silly at the idea of lifting my little 5 pounds on a bench next to someone lifting 50 pounds), he is right. BUT what I am thinking about right now is the fact that I am not doing things I should be doing. I am not exercising right now, I am not pushing myself beyond my limits! I see these contestants, especially ones bigger than I am, and think "I cannot do that even now!!!" A marathon! Ok so a level of humilty has set in. I can do better than I have been doing.

I used my exercise to push myself through the pain after surgery and all, but after my last trip to the hospital I was worn out. I was frustrated, tired, and fed up with being sick and no answers. My level of energy was dimished greatly from it all. Now I am feeling better but not very driven to get back to the gym. I am going to be getting my hind end moving!!! I have 30 pounds to go. (I gained some back in this whole ordeal but that is ok) I want to get to my goal weight. I can't get to that if I don't start working for it. I have slipped in some of my food choices as well. I need to refocus and get back on track. That is my goal. I am not beating myself up over this- it will only bring me down. I am just going to use that marathon to drive me to do better. Motivation

So my goal is to get moving! and not just to the fridge!!! I am going to make a list of the things I want to do- the things I didn't do because of my weight. A bucket list if you will. I am going to work on doing those things on my list!!! Parasailing was something I passed up (there were other reasons behind that than just my weight). bike riding, sports, wearing a swim suit and enjoying the water! Not sure a marathon would be on my list of things I want to do, but I am going to work on getting the things done I passed up because of my weight. It is time to live. honestly- big people don't pass up everything just because of our weight. We pass it up because we are afraid that others will make fun of the fat person sailing in the sky, or afraid the gear won't fit and have to face the embarrassment of hearing the poor person helping you say "it just won't fit you are too big" oh the shame of it all. Some it falls into the self confident level! Who cares if someone sees a fat person flying around parasailing... did I want to do it- YES then why do I care what someone thinks. Why did I give up my chance to do something I thought would be fun cause I worried what someone would think!?

No more- It is time to do what I am interested in despite what others might think, despite what size I might be. I am going to push through and accomplish whatever goals I set for myself. I am going to push myself to reach my potential and then some. It is time to live- time to stop letting life pass me by. Time to do those things I dreamed about- time for a change.

until I blog again.....

A GOOD DAY!!!

I am so excited. I love my job. Earlier today I saw our first surgery patient. She has lost 20 pounds (that is the two week diet before surgery plus post surgery weight loss!) She was so cute! I know this patient outside the clinic- she is a sweetheart but many people don't see that. She doesn't smile a lot. It is hard to know if she is joking or not due to that. But rest assured she is a kind hearted woman! She came in today and was such a different person! She is smiling. She had rosey red cheerful cheeks. Her attitude was so different- awake- alive- excited! It brings tears to my eyes to see this change in her! It is so wonderful!

I am so happy and proud to be a part of a program that will bring about these kinds of changes for someone. This patient was SOOOO Ready for this surgical tool! She is going to be a success! She is beautiful inside and out! I think this is going to be my favorite success story! She is going to do great!

I wonder if I changed so much so quickly like she has. How fun for me to see this transformation in her! I look at my before pics and how I look now- I can see some of that in me as well. It isn't about the looks for me- that was just a bonus! It was about my health- being alive for grandkids, being able to take care of my son with special needs, feeling better.... but to be honest- I am enjoying the looking better part as well. It is so nice not to cringe when looking in the mirror. I think I have said it before but I actually take some time in the mirror!!! do a little posing- and many time: I EVEN SMILE!!!!

I cannot even begin to express how much this program means to me. How great it is to offer this tool to others. How great it is to be a small part of their journey. And how honored I am that I was chosen to be a part of the clinic. The clinic- your loss, your gain..... my loss was my gain.... in more ways than I ever thought possible!

until I blog again......

Life

The first 2 surgeries for the hospital went well! My port revision surgery went well too! I went home that same afternoon. BUT before I left I was hurting so I had the dr give me a nerve blocker. It took care of most of the pain but not all of it. I went home and took a nap.

When I woke up I was in so much pain! That same pain that put me in the hospital in January and Febuary- I went to the emergency room for a shot. The dr ordered a cat scan with an IV contrast. I am so tired of the iv's!

They were going to send me home after the test but the pain shot made me pretty sick. I was nauseated and dizzy. So instead of wheeling me out to the car- they wheeled me into a hospital room! UGH I slept most of the night. Had another shot around 3 or 6 or something.... not sure. I slept most of the day - the ob/gyn dr came in and talked to me. He said that the endometriosis they found when they removed the ovaries had probably created an implant - I guess where it breaks off and embeds itselt in the tissue walls. Then once a month there is bleeding into the walls and that all causes pain. So the solution is to kill of my estrogen. So I have two injections of Lupron. One now and one in three months. This all makes sense since the worst of the pain has been once a month about the same time of month.

So the pain is under control. I have not taken anything for it for a week. I got the lupron injection Thursday. It should kill of the estrogen and that will kill off the endometriosis- if I am understanding everything correctly! So it is a faster progression into full menopause. The dr told my husband that I would be kind of grouchy for a while but I would be back to my old self soon. That would be nice!!

I was so totally worn out this past week. I was thinking I will never be my old self again. In addition to everything else- I have a lump on the palm of my hand. There was some concern that it might be cancerous. So Thursday morning I went to the hand specialist. He said the chances of cancer is lower then the basement of the building. He said he can remove the lump if it I wanted it removed- the fact that it is growing and painful is why I should have it removed. They will still send the lump to pathology to have it tested to see what it is. The surgery is outpatient, they put my arm to sleep not my whole body! I will have a big bandage like a boxing glove he said. Then after a week just regular bandaids. The surgery will be done out of town - the dr is also going to remove a cyst on my index finger of the same hand. This is my left hand- my writing hand!!! so if they are going to work on it they might as well take care of all of it. I can still do my hospital work. I can type one handed!! The writing part will slow me down!! guess I will practice using my right hand! =)

Ty talked to me into taking the whole day off Thursday to rest. I was so tired- so I did. I came home and spent the rest of the day in bed. I spent most of yesterday in bed as well. I am feeling better and have more energy. I hope I am reaching the end of all of this!!! Some days I feel like it is about over and other days I feel like there is so much more to come! So I am just trying to stay as healthy as I can otherwise and regain all the strength I can so I can face the next day.

Until I blog again....

update

Life is improving for me- finally- knock on wood. The surgeon decided that it was possibly a nerve issue. So he tried a nerve blocking injection. IT WORKED- I was pain free for a bit. I had another one the next day and that lasted about 5 days. I had another one 4 days after that one wore off (he was out of town- finally tracked down someone who could administer the same injection). I was concerned because the next day I was pretty miserable again- so at that point I decided I was never going to be pain free again so I might as well live with it and not let it stop me. SO off to the gym I went with my husband. I got on the elliptical thinking I would just move slowly- that hurt! The faster I moved -the less pain I had. The cool down was the most painful part of it!! I was hurting pretty good when I went to work that day (thank goodness it was Saturday and I don't have to work 8 hours nor do I have to move a lot). That was March 7- Sunday morning I woke up feeling pretty good! We went to a baby blessing for my great niece and then to her house for lunch. I was able to enjoy the whole event and then go home and enjoy time with my kids and hubby. It was probably one of the best days I have had since this whole ordeal started January 14. Yesterday was a pretty good day as well! I am so happy to feel so good! I just worry it won't last!!

Yesterday was a busy busy day trying to get ready for this Friday! Those first lapband surgeries!!! I am so excited. We have just about all the supplies we need- have the last item on its way from another hospital per courier. I need to work on my radio ad, get the dr to sign off on his radio ad, get the bill board worked out with our public relations department, and about a hundred other things! Thank goodness I am feeling better! My port revision is still going to happen- thank goodness. And if the pain continues after this week- I am going to see a pain specialist. She can inject the nerve with something to kill it so there is no more problems. I can live with that. I can't wait to have my band filled again as well. I have gained some weight since January.

Until I blog again....

Frustrating times

Well, Let's give a quick run down of my past month. When all was said and done from my hospital trip in January- the dr decided I needed a colonoscopy! OK not my idea of a good time! I am only 35 and shouldn't be needing one of those!! I had to go out of town for it though. So Feb 9th was the big day! I did that wonderful prep that goes along with the scope. The scope itself wasn't bad. I slept through it all. The last thing I remember was the dr turning on the radio, and me thinking that was nice and pretty cool that some drs actually do that! Right now while I am thinking about it- I don't remember leaving the place!!

I remember Ty telling me that they didn't find anything wrong and me crying. We came back to town and straight to the hospital. I knew that the dr that ordered it (my surgeon) would be there. I also knew he was considering exploratory surgery if the results of the scope showed nothing. So I told him. He said let's do surgery friday. OK. Meanwhile- the scope set off a whole new world of pain for me. I had a pain shot Monday afternoon and Tuesday evening. I was suffering Wed. and Thursday! Friday the 13th came and I had surgery! The people I work with were so fun! It was also my birthday so they left me a teddy bear, coloring book, crayons, and story book on my bed before I got there. After the surgery (in the recovery room) they painted my toenails, tattoed me in two spots, and wrote happy birthday plus drew a cupcake with a candle in it on my bandage!! They wrote it so I could read it when I looked down! The dr told me I was going to spend the better part of a week in the hospital. I told him no way. I was home Sunday afternoon! Two days later! Anyway -they found my ovaries connected to my intestines with the right one being larger than the left one and had cysts on it. The dr also took my appendix out. I felt really good! All my pain was gone! I was so happy! The incision hasn't bothered me at all! I was up and moving a couple hours after I woke up.

Saturday EARLY Saturday Feb 21st I woke up and had some pain. I took a lortab and it let me rest for a bit. At 7am I was in more pain. I had to get up to use the bathroom and that was it. I knew I better go to the hospital. I called my mom (we all run to our mommies don't we), and I was trying to sound cheerful but then she asked me how I was, and I lost it. I started crying. I was in worse pain than when I went to the ER in January! I was so mad because that surgery was suppose to have solved the problem. I felt stupid because I figured it was horrible constipation. Although things seemed to be moving along just fine the day before. I am tired of being in the hospital, IV's which take 3-4 sticks to get going, being in pain, being a wimp about the pain, and I hurt!!!! OH MAN DID I HURT!!! I just cried and cried. But it hurt so badly to cry too! I couldn't take a deep breath in. The ride to town was painful. My husband found EVERY bump from our house to the hospital and hit them!!! I couldn't sit down or lie down.

So blood tests showed I might be fighting an infection and that I was full of stool (sorry!) The medical emergency surgery comes on with 10 inches in the bowel and I had 7.5 - I would glad have let them open me up and cut out the stool and that part of the intestines!!! The pain was unbearable! The dr offered to let me go home last night if I felt up to it with knowing if it got worse I would need to come back. I pointed out to him that it takes 3-4 tries to get the IV going so we decided I would stay the night. I came home this monring. My white count was back down this morning though so that is good! I had a bit of a fever last night to so I was worried.

The surgery last week was needed though- I don't think anything else. I believe that was important to have done. They found some problems, and I believe that they are problems that contributed to some of the pain I had this last month (especially after the scope!!!) and problems that would have created worse issues in the future. I am not sorry I had the surgery. I am upset that it wasn't the whole problem. Now I have to make sure I don't get into this situation again. I am not sure I would live through another one of those!!

I am so frustrated. I have worked so hard to get off the medicines and fix the health issues the weight brought on and now I have a whole new set of problems. I have been wondering if it was a good trade. I know they aren't related. I know that is just how things are.... but I am still frustrated! UGH I hate feeling frustrated and not looking on the bright side of things. but this has been a rough month for me. I NEVER take pain pills unless it is horrible, this last month I have been so lost- either the high level of pain or the pain meds has really kept me out of it. II came home from the hospital this morning with 4 different kinds of pills! none of them long term but I hate having to take any of them!!!

On the good side of life- the clinic is doing great, and we are on track to do our first surgeris on March 13 (one of them being me for my port revision- which means ANOTHER IV!!) but this will be worth it! The bands, port, and fill kits have been ordered!!! We are kind of to the point of no return! I am so excited about that all! I can't wait! This is such a wonderful surgery! A way to help someone! I am so blessed to be a part of it!

Until I blog again.....

down and out

I have been down and out for the last month. I have been dealing with the same pain I went to the emergency room with January 14 for this past month. Finally had surgery feb 13th (yes a friday the 13th- but also my birthday so it balances out right?) Anyway- I haven't forgotten I started this blog- just too tired to update it.

I will do so soon. Sorry

MILESTONE!

Well, I have lost 100 pounds! How awesome is that!? I can't believe that I have lost that much! That is a person! Let me tell you the coolest part! My husband- bless his heart- emailed my family and friends asking them to help me celebrate. He asked them to send cards, cash for clothes- whatever they wanted to show their support. It was so touching.

So as I sit in the hospital (yes the hospital- will explain in a minute) excited about my goal, my husband reads me his email. Then he pulls out this package of cards that he has collected. There were cards from my dear co-workers in the lab. Some chipped in together and got me a month of the local gym. One of them gave me a card from his family and a subway gift card. I got a neat skinny quilt from my sister. I thought it was great because if was perfect to cover my lap, and since I freeze at work on the weekends I thought was perfect. Then I found out that it was made with a 100 squares (I knew there had to be some meaning in it somewhere!) and my siblings all got me a necklace- an amethyst journey necklace. The signaficance there is my birthday feb so amethyst, my surgery was feb. and it has been quite the journey! I got some pumpkin scented body and hair care set, a gift certificate to the local salon for a haircut, and a gift certificate for 6 tanning sessions. I was TOTALLY surprised! I was touched by my hubby, and his creative idea and his sweet email to everyone. I was touched also by the love, care, and support of everyone. It means so much to me to have that kind of support. Thanks to everyone! and Ty! What a wonderful handful of moments reading my cards and everything. I got sweet letters too. All of it means so much to me! I asked Ty to print out his email so I had that to keep as well. He didn't get many pics and what he did get he got on his cell phone. So we will see if we can get it online somehow! He felt bad he didn't have the camera but he didn't want to wait to give me the package, and the camera was at home and we were at the hospital!

Ok- quick run down of the hospital trip- Dr (the one that will do the lapband surgeries once certified-the dr I will be working with in the clinic) tried to access my port to empty some fluid out since I was having acid reflux. He was unable to do so- later that night (wed) I show up at the emergency room in severe - I mean SEVERE- pain! I was sure it was my appendix. The dr on call had to call the lapband dr since he is the surgeon and when he showed up and saw it was me - he was so worried that he had caused it! So we did a cat scan and he put me in the hospital to get fluids, get my band emptied, and watch me! he ordered antibiotics and stomach xrays and lab tests. I still have some pain but I am feeling better. We had someone come empty my band and in the process of all of this- we have learned that the port is sitting on its side. I think - believe- that it has been that way since another dr changed it to a low profile a year ago. It totally explains the swelling and tenderness in that area. So my band is empty! And after hitting that 100 pound mark! ugh. I will be really careful and exercise and eat well (I work at both daily anyway- exercise and eating well) But the 100 pound care package will help me to stay on track! Thinking of all that love and support from everyone! and I if I go buy clothes I want them to fit and stay that way!! So- the diagnose- NONE. I have another test in the morning. A cat scan with contrast. They are going to double check on the appendix and make sure I don't have a bowel blockage. Then hopefully if the test comes back well, the dr will let me go. BUT he has been very cautious with me and caring.

What did I learn from this?! A lot actually!! First off- I learned that the reason I had c-sections is that I would never handle labor and child birth!!! If that pain is anything like Wed night- wow I am glad I had no part of that!! Why would women do that more than once!!? I am impressed by women!

But seriously- I learned that the dr is very compassionate. Let me tell you- He is a big guy- intimidating somewhat. I have never thought badly of him, mind you, but to learn that the dr you are going to be working for and telling patients "trust him he does good work" has such a tender heart and compassion is a huge plus! I learned a lot about him and the kind of dr he is (he is fairly new to our hospital) I also learned how much my co-workers are my family. I am so thankful for all of them! They have been so caring and wonderful and I couldn't ask for a better group of co-workers! The hospital administrator is such a great person! He came in several times to check on me. Then he left to go out of town for meetings and called me from there to check on me! It brought tears to Ty's eyes to see the love and care I have received. Mine too, for that matter. We are both very touched by it all!

I also think it was a great learning experience for the dr. So it all happened as it should - We learn something from everything if we stop and take time to absorb the lesson.... I am thankful this happened. Not so happy about the amount of pain I had to go through!! Or the metallic taste in my mouth from all the antibiotics... but thankful for the lessons we have all learned and the discovery of my port being in wrong so we can get it fixed.

until I blog again....

New adventures

Well, let's see - since the beginning of the year my husband and I have been to the gym several times. We attended our first spinning class. Everyone know what that is? It is a 45 minute class on bikes- not the typical exercise bike- this is totally self powered! If you watch Biggest Loser, you have seen these bikes! I have watched contestants and thought to myself "NO WAY!"

So we attended a class. It was a butt kicker! I couldn't do all the stand up parts. It was hard on my knees, BUT I survived. I even went and lifted some weights then walked half a mile on the treadmill. After that class I dropped a few pounds right away. then stayed at that loss all week! So I decided to go to spinning class again. It wasn't as bad. I did the whole program just as it was! I did all the standing up and everything! I was very pleased with this. And since I have gained 3 pounds!

I am okay with this. I know that I have been pushing my body the last couple of weeks. I am sure I am working on building more muscle. So the plan is to just keep plugging away and not get frustrated. Not always easy to do- especially when my husband is dropping pounds quickly! I am so proud of him though. He is working hard and doing great! It won't be long before he is to his goal.


The other new adventure- we have recently learned about geocaching. This seems like such a great adventure- a neat family activity that we can do with the kids even when they leave the house to go to college or get married...We are really excited and talked about how if we get into this that we will get cross country skiis to go hiking in. Well, someone suggested snow shoes instead for the winter time. So we took our wal-mart gift cards from Christmas and ordered snow shoes from sam's club. We got them Saturday.

Sunday after I got home from work we had limited time before it got dark outside so we just went up to the orchard above our house. I used the trekking poles for balance and for arm work. Let me tell you! I LOVED IT!!! It was a wonderful walk! If you have ever walked in the deeper snow- you know that it is hard and tiring- the snow shoes makes it easier! We walked down the road that is closed in the winter. As we were walking though- we noticed it was getting darker, it was snowing in the mountains ahead of us, and the animal tracks we walked next to was a big topic of discussion! We finally decided it was mountain lion tracks! So with this combination of factors we didn't go very far. We walked just over a mile round trip! But it was a blast!! I can't wait until Saturday- we are going to go out early and hike all the way up to the orchard!! (we will be taking something to protect ourselves with incase that mountian lion is lurking about though!!)

It is the start of a new year. I have no new years resolutions except that losing weight will not be on my list of resolutions ever again! But I guess if I were to make one right now- it would be to try the things I never tried before because of my weight. Some of the things I never tried-I cheated myself out of. I could have done so much more even with the weight but I let what people might think stop me. I let what I thought stop me. I could have done several of the things I passed up- okay maybe not easily for some of them but I could have done it! So here goes nothing! I have shattered my comfort zone- I don't know what my comfort zone is anymore- which is really a great thing! My goals for the year- do the things I wanted to try but never did!

January- spinning class never thought I would survive and I have done two classes!!
Snow Shoeing (winter outdoors) - I love it! I can't wait to go out again!!! I am a little worried what the mountain lion is thinking of me but otherwise- I love it!! I intend to do a lot of snow shoeing! Now I just have to figure out a way to take my special needs son out with me- he loves the outdoors! He would love to go with us!

So my challenge to you is to try something new! Leave your comfort zone. Don't be afraid- don't let anything stop you! Try what you want to try-

until I blog again.....

The Biggest Loser Finale! WOW!!! What a big change in all of them!! Jerry is probably my favorite followed by his daughter Colleen! He turned his health around- looks great, and his daughter was so proud. My favorite part was when she was excited that she didn't lose more than he did!! I was watching and to me it was that she wanted him to have the moment!! How amazing!!

I was shocked to hear Vickie say she took the advice Phil gave her during a phone conference while they were not on the show! Phil is the one that she hated so much!! Vickie did grow some! I was kind of pleased to hear that! I even hit rewind to see if I heard her correctly!!!

The previews for next season - which starts Jan 6th!- were great! I cannot wait until Tues!!! The contestants for this new season seem sincere in the commercials!! One of the ladies says "I am taking my life back!" I know she will make it far and learn as she goes!

My husband has decided he wants to lose his extra pounds (he doesn't have a lot- about the same amount I have left to go) . So he wanted a membership to the new local gym. For Christmas I got us both the membership, him some new shoes (I got a pair from him!), tshirts, shorts, socks, and a sweat towel! We went twice this week!! We are planning on going to a spinning class tomorrow!! I am scared. I watch those contestants on the biggest loser, and I am sure I can't do the things they do!!! Not even now being where I am at!! I want to lose the rest of my weight!!!

We are plugging away at getting the program up and going at the hospital. I have a lot of things to prepare still. We need a name for the clinic - so if anyone has any suggestions- please send them to me!!! I am a bit overwhelmed with all that it takes to start a whole new program! BUT I am so excited and proud to be a part of it! I will survive! There are so many fun aspects of the whole project! I can't believe that after almost two years since the administrator and I first talked about it- we are getting the program going now!! WOW.

I want to provide an awesome program, for an amazing price, and help each patient get to their goal properly! I want them to succeed. I want to be a part of that! For those of you who don't know- I am the first one in our area to have had the lapband and now there are almost 20 of us in the valley to have had it! So I started something- now I want to continue. I feel very dedicated to those who followed me and those who are going to go through our program. I don't want anyone to assume the will succeed because I have, and I don't want anyone to worry they will struggle like I did. I want everyone to succeed with the fewest amount of struggles! sigh....

Today I learned that I want low riders for the front of my jeans and butt covers for the back!! I bought a pair of jeans that fit great in the front but when I sit down they barely cover my fanny! of course a size bigger would help cause the legs were tight as well. But that is the first pair of jeans I have put on my body in forever that the crotch of the jeans was actually in my crotch instead of hanging six inches down!!! (that is one of the 'promise of honesty' comments!!)

until I blog again...