Along the way

Along the way to becoming the new me- I learned some things! The surgery doesn't fix all my weight issues! Yes- it helped me to lose weight but you know what- it doesn't change that emotional eating need. It limits how much I can take in but by dang- I still had to learn to change things! I had to face the reasons why I ate- I had to change feeding my emotions. I ate when I was bored, I ate when I was stressed, angry, etc. I ate at family gatherings- isn't that the way it is at those things- eat and talk- talk and eat!

So why did I gain the weight to begin with? Well, a few reasons- First, I had gotten really sick in the 7th grade: a condition called pseudo tumor something - acts like a brain tumor but is not one. also- this same school year I had money and the ability to buy snacks at the snack bar at school! Well, the tumor condition caused me a headache for three months. Seriously, one headache for three months straight. They finally figured out what it was and did a lumbar tap which in turn started migraine headaches. I could not be physically active or spend even 10 minutes in the sun without getting a horrible headache that put me down for hours if not days. puking, crying, head pounding, blinded by the dimmest light, knife piercing my skull migraines. I was married several years before this went away. So I had to give up my sports, no PE and still food coming in!!
Second, I could control food. Obviously that isn't entirely the case. but when life was out of control and emotions high - I could make my own choices in what I ate. I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. And I did. When the one I cared about was stuck in his world and closed his bubble to keep me and others out- I ate... among other things.

So that was the vicious cycle I created for myself! FOOD = CONTROL = FAT
Why did I keep the weight? Same thing- the headaches for years, when life seemed out of control I could still eat what and when I wanted. Boredom eating set in as life went on. Not that raising 6 kids is boring but there are those moments. Like when the kids are all in school, husband at work, and I am home alone.

So I learned all the reasons I ate. I am STILL working on fixing these things. Food is an addiction- truly. Some people need to drink or smoke when upset...others eat. I have learned to stop and ask myself why I am eating or wanting to eat. Of course- sometimes I am eating when I stop! But I am a lot better about controlling my emotional eating instead of "controlling" my food.

The surgery doesn't fix anything but how much you can eat at once! YOU HAVE TO FACE YOUR DEMONS!!! You just have to! If you don't - you might cheat around the band and have little to no success! The band is NOT an easy way out! I think I have learned more about myself going with the band than I ever did trying anything else.

Until I blog again....