I loved the finale!!! This was so awesome. I screamed, cheered, and cried!! Of course Mike went on to the finals. I wanted Mike to win! BUT I have to give credit where credit is due- Helen looked amazing. It was close!
When Jerry walked out on stage- Ty and I were pretty sure he had the at home prize in the bag. To see this man-passes out in the first hour of the season- takes an ambulance to the hospital, goes home at the end of the first week, COMES BACK to the finale- lost 177 pounds and won 100,000 dollars! I cheered and clapped every time they mentioned his name. He looked amazing. He had a couple of people come close to beating him but pretty much untouchable.
For the most part, everyone did a great job and looked amazing! It is so motivating to me. I need a push- please send me encouragement to get my hind end exercising! I want to make it to my goal but after all those health issues and solutions, I just haven't been motivated to work out! I am doing a GREAAATTTTTT job maintaining! I lose a pound gain the pound, lose the pound, gain the pound!! If I would lose a new pound every time instead of the same pound, I would be to my goal! HA
I will get there. Slow and Steady wins the race!!!! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.... if at first you don't succeed, try try again.... feel free to send me your own cliche motivations!! HAHAHA
I am feeling better every day, and more like myself. It has been a long 5 months, and I have a few more months of uncertain side effects from the injection I received, but life is progressing! I am gaining energy and this past weekend with time away-I know I will be ok!
until I blog again.....
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Life passing you by?
The biggest loser last night- WOW
Four people left, sent home for 30 days, find out they are going to run a marathon for their last challenge, and despite their worries about it, they all plan to do it and finish. Ron knows his knees aren't doing well but says right off that he will be walking it and intends to walk the whole 26 miles!!
So the contestants learn a little bit about balancing their lives and how to relax and enjoy without over doing on the calories. They learn a little bit more about themselves. I liked when Jillian pointed out that looking at Mike and his brother Max side by side was like a real live before and after photo.
Ron knows that he was not a good example to his kids and wants to change that - that was his driving force. He may have been a big game player but it was all in efforts to help his kid succeed- as a parent I understand that. I am proud of him for his level of understanding in his role in his kids' health. I was shocked that he intended to do the marathon!
Mike- bless his heart, he wants his brother to succeed. He and Ron spend some of their time in that 30 days at home to help Max get started! Bob and Jillian even help Max. I was so touched by that. Max showed such a level of dedication himself.
So onto the marathon. Just a couple of days before the challenge Mike hurts his hip somehow and is forced to walk the marathon. He is bummed out of course but resigns himself to walking. And so Tara and Helen start off running and the men walk. Their prize for the challenge is IF they finish they will get 10,000 dollars for a charity of their choice! Awesome!!!
At one point on the marathon they see a friend or family member waiting for them and that person joins them for a while. Max is there!!! He walks with Mike and makes it quite far for someone of his size. This allowed Mike to walk a bit faster and leaves his dad behind. The ladies finish is under 6 hours. Mike finishes in 9 hours, and they wait for Ron. That man is amazing!!! he set his mind to finishing that marathon- he has to stop a handful of times and even take time to be checked out by the dr. AND YET HE KEEPS GOING!!!!! some 13 hours later that man walks across the finish line-several people walking with him- other contestants, past contestants, etc!! Mike, Max, and Ron embrace - I am crying like a baby- and all four contestants get a check for $10,000. Weigh in takes place, Mike and Ron are below the yellow line and America gets to vote who makes the finale. Ron, of course, pleads for America to vote for his son.
So- let me tell you- this show has me feeling a little bummed out. To see Ron push himself and do what he did. WOW- I think about my own progress at the moment and overall really. I see Helen lifting 25 pounds in ONE hand over her head!!! WOW! A co-worker of mine pointed out to me one day that I wasn't suppose to compare that kind of stuff to myself (I felt silly at the idea of lifting my little 5 pounds on a bench next to someone lifting 50 pounds), he is right. BUT what I am thinking about right now is the fact that I am not doing things I should be doing. I am not exercising right now, I am not pushing myself beyond my limits! I see these contestants, especially ones bigger than I am, and think "I cannot do that even now!!!" A marathon! Ok so a level of humilty has set in. I can do better than I have been doing.
I used my exercise to push myself through the pain after surgery and all, but after my last trip to the hospital I was worn out. I was frustrated, tired, and fed up with being sick and no answers. My level of energy was dimished greatly from it all. Now I am feeling better but not very driven to get back to the gym. I am going to be getting my hind end moving!!! I have 30 pounds to go. (I gained some back in this whole ordeal but that is ok) I want to get to my goal weight. I can't get to that if I don't start working for it. I have slipped in some of my food choices as well. I need to refocus and get back on track. That is my goal. I am not beating myself up over this- it will only bring me down. I am just going to use that marathon to drive me to do better. Motivation
So my goal is to get moving! and not just to the fridge!!! I am going to make a list of the things I want to do- the things I didn't do because of my weight. A bucket list if you will. I am going to work on doing those things on my list!!! Parasailing was something I passed up (there were other reasons behind that than just my weight). bike riding, sports, wearing a swim suit and enjoying the water! Not sure a marathon would be on my list of things I want to do, but I am going to work on getting the things done I passed up because of my weight. It is time to live. honestly- big people don't pass up everything just because of our weight. We pass it up because we are afraid that others will make fun of the fat person sailing in the sky, or afraid the gear won't fit and have to face the embarrassment of hearing the poor person helping you say "it just won't fit you are too big" oh the shame of it all. Some it falls into the self confident level! Who cares if someone sees a fat person flying around parasailing... did I want to do it- YES then why do I care what someone thinks. Why did I give up my chance to do something I thought would be fun cause I worried what someone would think!?
No more- It is time to do what I am interested in despite what others might think, despite what size I might be. I am going to push through and accomplish whatever goals I set for myself. I am going to push myself to reach my potential and then some. It is time to live- time to stop letting life pass me by. Time to do those things I dreamed about- time for a change.
until I blog again.....
Four people left, sent home for 30 days, find out they are going to run a marathon for their last challenge, and despite their worries about it, they all plan to do it and finish. Ron knows his knees aren't doing well but says right off that he will be walking it and intends to walk the whole 26 miles!!
So the contestants learn a little bit about balancing their lives and how to relax and enjoy without over doing on the calories. They learn a little bit more about themselves. I liked when Jillian pointed out that looking at Mike and his brother Max side by side was like a real live before and after photo.
Ron knows that he was not a good example to his kids and wants to change that - that was his driving force. He may have been a big game player but it was all in efforts to help his kid succeed- as a parent I understand that. I am proud of him for his level of understanding in his role in his kids' health. I was shocked that he intended to do the marathon!
Mike- bless his heart, he wants his brother to succeed. He and Ron spend some of their time in that 30 days at home to help Max get started! Bob and Jillian even help Max. I was so touched by that. Max showed such a level of dedication himself.
So onto the marathon. Just a couple of days before the challenge Mike hurts his hip somehow and is forced to walk the marathon. He is bummed out of course but resigns himself to walking. And so Tara and Helen start off running and the men walk. Their prize for the challenge is IF they finish they will get 10,000 dollars for a charity of their choice! Awesome!!!
At one point on the marathon they see a friend or family member waiting for them and that person joins them for a while. Max is there!!! He walks with Mike and makes it quite far for someone of his size. This allowed Mike to walk a bit faster and leaves his dad behind. The ladies finish is under 6 hours. Mike finishes in 9 hours, and they wait for Ron. That man is amazing!!! he set his mind to finishing that marathon- he has to stop a handful of times and even take time to be checked out by the dr. AND YET HE KEEPS GOING!!!!! some 13 hours later that man walks across the finish line-several people walking with him- other contestants, past contestants, etc!! Mike, Max, and Ron embrace - I am crying like a baby- and all four contestants get a check for $10,000. Weigh in takes place, Mike and Ron are below the yellow line and America gets to vote who makes the finale. Ron, of course, pleads for America to vote for his son.
So- let me tell you- this show has me feeling a little bummed out. To see Ron push himself and do what he did. WOW- I think about my own progress at the moment and overall really. I see Helen lifting 25 pounds in ONE hand over her head!!! WOW! A co-worker of mine pointed out to me one day that I wasn't suppose to compare that kind of stuff to myself (I felt silly at the idea of lifting my little 5 pounds on a bench next to someone lifting 50 pounds), he is right. BUT what I am thinking about right now is the fact that I am not doing things I should be doing. I am not exercising right now, I am not pushing myself beyond my limits! I see these contestants, especially ones bigger than I am, and think "I cannot do that even now!!!" A marathon! Ok so a level of humilty has set in. I can do better than I have been doing.
I used my exercise to push myself through the pain after surgery and all, but after my last trip to the hospital I was worn out. I was frustrated, tired, and fed up with being sick and no answers. My level of energy was dimished greatly from it all. Now I am feeling better but not very driven to get back to the gym. I am going to be getting my hind end moving!!! I have 30 pounds to go. (I gained some back in this whole ordeal but that is ok) I want to get to my goal weight. I can't get to that if I don't start working for it. I have slipped in some of my food choices as well. I need to refocus and get back on track. That is my goal. I am not beating myself up over this- it will only bring me down. I am just going to use that marathon to drive me to do better. Motivation
So my goal is to get moving! and not just to the fridge!!! I am going to make a list of the things I want to do- the things I didn't do because of my weight. A bucket list if you will. I am going to work on doing those things on my list!!! Parasailing was something I passed up (there were other reasons behind that than just my weight). bike riding, sports, wearing a swim suit and enjoying the water! Not sure a marathon would be on my list of things I want to do, but I am going to work on getting the things done I passed up because of my weight. It is time to live. honestly- big people don't pass up everything just because of our weight. We pass it up because we are afraid that others will make fun of the fat person sailing in the sky, or afraid the gear won't fit and have to face the embarrassment of hearing the poor person helping you say "it just won't fit you are too big" oh the shame of it all. Some it falls into the self confident level! Who cares if someone sees a fat person flying around parasailing... did I want to do it- YES then why do I care what someone thinks. Why did I give up my chance to do something I thought would be fun cause I worried what someone would think!?
No more- It is time to do what I am interested in despite what others might think, despite what size I might be. I am going to push through and accomplish whatever goals I set for myself. I am going to push myself to reach my potential and then some. It is time to live- time to stop letting life pass me by. Time to do those things I dreamed about- time for a change.
until I blog again.....
Sunday, March 22, 2009
A GOOD DAY!!!
I am so excited. I love my job. Earlier today I saw our first surgery patient. She has lost 20 pounds (that is the two week diet before surgery plus post surgery weight loss!) She was so cute! I know this patient outside the clinic- she is a sweetheart but many people don't see that. She doesn't smile a lot. It is hard to know if she is joking or not due to that. But rest assured she is a kind hearted woman! She came in today and was such a different person! She is smiling. She had rosey red cheerful cheeks. Her attitude was so different- awake- alive- excited! It brings tears to my eyes to see this change in her! It is so wonderful!
I am so happy and proud to be a part of a program that will bring about these kinds of changes for someone. This patient was SOOOO Ready for this surgical tool! She is going to be a success! She is beautiful inside and out! I think this is going to be my favorite success story! She is going to do great!
I wonder if I changed so much so quickly like she has. How fun for me to see this transformation in her! I look at my before pics and how I look now- I can see some of that in me as well. It isn't about the looks for me- that was just a bonus! It was about my health- being alive for grandkids, being able to take care of my son with special needs, feeling better.... but to be honest- I am enjoying the looking better part as well. It is so nice not to cringe when looking in the mirror. I think I have said it before but I actually take some time in the mirror!!! do a little posing- and many time: I EVEN SMILE!!!!
I cannot even begin to express how much this program means to me. How great it is to offer this tool to others. How great it is to be a small part of their journey. And how honored I am that I was chosen to be a part of the clinic. The clinic- your loss, your gain..... my loss was my gain.... in more ways than I ever thought possible!
until I blog again......
I am so happy and proud to be a part of a program that will bring about these kinds of changes for someone. This patient was SOOOO Ready for this surgical tool! She is going to be a success! She is beautiful inside and out! I think this is going to be my favorite success story! She is going to do great!
I wonder if I changed so much so quickly like she has. How fun for me to see this transformation in her! I look at my before pics and how I look now- I can see some of that in me as well. It isn't about the looks for me- that was just a bonus! It was about my health- being alive for grandkids, being able to take care of my son with special needs, feeling better.... but to be honest- I am enjoying the looking better part as well. It is so nice not to cringe when looking in the mirror. I think I have said it before but I actually take some time in the mirror!!! do a little posing- and many time: I EVEN SMILE!!!!
I cannot even begin to express how much this program means to me. How great it is to offer this tool to others. How great it is to be a small part of their journey. And how honored I am that I was chosen to be a part of the clinic. The clinic- your loss, your gain..... my loss was my gain.... in more ways than I ever thought possible!
until I blog again......
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Life
The first 2 surgeries for the hospital went well! My port revision surgery went well too! I went home that same afternoon. BUT before I left I was hurting so I had the dr give me a nerve blocker. It took care of most of the pain but not all of it. I went home and took a nap.
When I woke up I was in so much pain! That same pain that put me in the hospital in January and Febuary- I went to the emergency room for a shot. The dr ordered a cat scan with an IV contrast. I am so tired of the iv's!
They were going to send me home after the test but the pain shot made me pretty sick. I was nauseated and dizzy. So instead of wheeling me out to the car- they wheeled me into a hospital room! UGH I slept most of the night. Had another shot around 3 or 6 or something.... not sure. I slept most of the day - the ob/gyn dr came in and talked to me. He said that the endometriosis they found when they removed the ovaries had probably created an implant - I guess where it breaks off and embeds itselt in the tissue walls. Then once a month there is bleeding into the walls and that all causes pain. So the solution is to kill of my estrogen. So I have two injections of Lupron. One now and one in three months. This all makes sense since the worst of the pain has been once a month about the same time of month.
So the pain is under control. I have not taken anything for it for a week. I got the lupron injection Thursday. It should kill of the estrogen and that will kill off the endometriosis- if I am understanding everything correctly! So it is a faster progression into full menopause. The dr told my husband that I would be kind of grouchy for a while but I would be back to my old self soon. That would be nice!!
I was so totally worn out this past week. I was thinking I will never be my old self again. In addition to everything else- I have a lump on the palm of my hand. There was some concern that it might be cancerous. So Thursday morning I went to the hand specialist. He said the chances of cancer is lower then the basement of the building. He said he can remove the lump if it I wanted it removed- the fact that it is growing and painful is why I should have it removed. They will still send the lump to pathology to have it tested to see what it is. The surgery is outpatient, they put my arm to sleep not my whole body! I will have a big bandage like a boxing glove he said. Then after a week just regular bandaids. The surgery will be done out of town - the dr is also going to remove a cyst on my index finger of the same hand. This is my left hand- my writing hand!!! so if they are going to work on it they might as well take care of all of it. I can still do my hospital work. I can type one handed!! The writing part will slow me down!! guess I will practice using my right hand! =)
Ty talked to me into taking the whole day off Thursday to rest. I was so tired- so I did. I came home and spent the rest of the day in bed. I spent most of yesterday in bed as well. I am feeling better and have more energy. I hope I am reaching the end of all of this!!! Some days I feel like it is about over and other days I feel like there is so much more to come! So I am just trying to stay as healthy as I can otherwise and regain all the strength I can so I can face the next day.
Until I blog again....
When I woke up I was in so much pain! That same pain that put me in the hospital in January and Febuary- I went to the emergency room for a shot. The dr ordered a cat scan with an IV contrast. I am so tired of the iv's!
They were going to send me home after the test but the pain shot made me pretty sick. I was nauseated and dizzy. So instead of wheeling me out to the car- they wheeled me into a hospital room! UGH I slept most of the night. Had another shot around 3 or 6 or something.... not sure. I slept most of the day - the ob/gyn dr came in and talked to me. He said that the endometriosis they found when they removed the ovaries had probably created an implant - I guess where it breaks off and embeds itselt in the tissue walls. Then once a month there is bleeding into the walls and that all causes pain. So the solution is to kill of my estrogen. So I have two injections of Lupron. One now and one in three months. This all makes sense since the worst of the pain has been once a month about the same time of month.
So the pain is under control. I have not taken anything for it for a week. I got the lupron injection Thursday. It should kill of the estrogen and that will kill off the endometriosis- if I am understanding everything correctly! So it is a faster progression into full menopause. The dr told my husband that I would be kind of grouchy for a while but I would be back to my old self soon. That would be nice!!
I was so totally worn out this past week. I was thinking I will never be my old self again. In addition to everything else- I have a lump on the palm of my hand. There was some concern that it might be cancerous. So Thursday morning I went to the hand specialist. He said the chances of cancer is lower then the basement of the building. He said he can remove the lump if it I wanted it removed- the fact that it is growing and painful is why I should have it removed. They will still send the lump to pathology to have it tested to see what it is. The surgery is outpatient, they put my arm to sleep not my whole body! I will have a big bandage like a boxing glove he said. Then after a week just regular bandaids. The surgery will be done out of town - the dr is also going to remove a cyst on my index finger of the same hand. This is my left hand- my writing hand!!! so if they are going to work on it they might as well take care of all of it. I can still do my hospital work. I can type one handed!! The writing part will slow me down!! guess I will practice using my right hand! =)
Ty talked to me into taking the whole day off Thursday to rest. I was so tired- so I did. I came home and spent the rest of the day in bed. I spent most of yesterday in bed as well. I am feeling better and have more energy. I hope I am reaching the end of all of this!!! Some days I feel like it is about over and other days I feel like there is so much more to come! So I am just trying to stay as healthy as I can otherwise and regain all the strength I can so I can face the next day.
Until I blog again....
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
update
Life is improving for me- finally- knock on wood. The surgeon decided that it was possibly a nerve issue. So he tried a nerve blocking injection. IT WORKED- I was pain free for a bit. I had another one the next day and that lasted about 5 days. I had another one 4 days after that one wore off (he was out of town- finally tracked down someone who could administer the same injection). I was concerned because the next day I was pretty miserable again- so at that point I decided I was never going to be pain free again so I might as well live with it and not let it stop me. SO off to the gym I went with my husband. I got on the elliptical thinking I would just move slowly- that hurt! The faster I moved -the less pain I had. The cool down was the most painful part of it!! I was hurting pretty good when I went to work that day (thank goodness it was Saturday and I don't have to work 8 hours nor do I have to move a lot). That was March 7- Sunday morning I woke up feeling pretty good! We went to a baby blessing for my great niece and then to her house for lunch. I was able to enjoy the whole event and then go home and enjoy time with my kids and hubby. It was probably one of the best days I have had since this whole ordeal started January 14. Yesterday was a pretty good day as well! I am so happy to feel so good! I just worry it won't last!!
Yesterday was a busy busy day trying to get ready for this Friday! Those first lapband surgeries!!! I am so excited. We have just about all the supplies we need- have the last item on its way from another hospital per courier. I need to work on my radio ad, get the dr to sign off on his radio ad, get the bill board worked out with our public relations department, and about a hundred other things! Thank goodness I am feeling better! My port revision is still going to happen- thank goodness. And if the pain continues after this week- I am going to see a pain specialist. She can inject the nerve with something to kill it so there is no more problems. I can live with that. I can't wait to have my band filled again as well. I have gained some weight since January.
Until I blog again....
Yesterday was a busy busy day trying to get ready for this Friday! Those first lapband surgeries!!! I am so excited. We have just about all the supplies we need- have the last item on its way from another hospital per courier. I need to work on my radio ad, get the dr to sign off on his radio ad, get the bill board worked out with our public relations department, and about a hundred other things! Thank goodness I am feeling better! My port revision is still going to happen- thank goodness. And if the pain continues after this week- I am going to see a pain specialist. She can inject the nerve with something to kill it so there is no more problems. I can live with that. I can't wait to have my band filled again as well. I have gained some weight since January.
Until I blog again....
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Frustrating times
Well, Let's give a quick run down of my past month. When all was said and done from my hospital trip in January- the dr decided I needed a colonoscopy! OK not my idea of a good time! I am only 35 and shouldn't be needing one of those!! I had to go out of town for it though. So Feb 9th was the big day! I did that wonderful prep that goes along with the scope. The scope itself wasn't bad. I slept through it all. The last thing I remember was the dr turning on the radio, and me thinking that was nice and pretty cool that some drs actually do that! Right now while I am thinking about it- I don't remember leaving the place!!
I remember Ty telling me that they didn't find anything wrong and me crying. We came back to town and straight to the hospital. I knew that the dr that ordered it (my surgeon) would be there. I also knew he was considering exploratory surgery if the results of the scope showed nothing. So I told him. He said let's do surgery friday. OK. Meanwhile- the scope set off a whole new world of pain for me. I had a pain shot Monday afternoon and Tuesday evening. I was suffering Wed. and Thursday! Friday the 13th came and I had surgery! The people I work with were so fun! It was also my birthday so they left me a teddy bear, coloring book, crayons, and story book on my bed before I got there. After the surgery (in the recovery room) they painted my toenails, tattoed me in two spots, and wrote happy birthday plus drew a cupcake with a candle in it on my bandage!! They wrote it so I could read it when I looked down! The dr told me I was going to spend the better part of a week in the hospital. I told him no way. I was home Sunday afternoon! Two days later! Anyway -they found my ovaries connected to my intestines with the right one being larger than the left one and had cysts on it. The dr also took my appendix out. I felt really good! All my pain was gone! I was so happy! The incision hasn't bothered me at all! I was up and moving a couple hours after I woke up.
Saturday EARLY Saturday Feb 21st I woke up and had some pain. I took a lortab and it let me rest for a bit. At 7am I was in more pain. I had to get up to use the bathroom and that was it. I knew I better go to the hospital. I called my mom (we all run to our mommies don't we), and I was trying to sound cheerful but then she asked me how I was, and I lost it. I started crying. I was in worse pain than when I went to the ER in January! I was so mad because that surgery was suppose to have solved the problem. I felt stupid because I figured it was horrible constipation. Although things seemed to be moving along just fine the day before. I am tired of being in the hospital, IV's which take 3-4 sticks to get going, being in pain, being a wimp about the pain, and I hurt!!!! OH MAN DID I HURT!!! I just cried and cried. But it hurt so badly to cry too! I couldn't take a deep breath in. The ride to town was painful. My husband found EVERY bump from our house to the hospital and hit them!!! I couldn't sit down or lie down.
So blood tests showed I might be fighting an infection and that I was full of stool (sorry!) The medical emergency surgery comes on with 10 inches in the bowel and I had 7.5 - I would glad have let them open me up and cut out the stool and that part of the intestines!!! The pain was unbearable! The dr offered to let me go home last night if I felt up to it with knowing if it got worse I would need to come back. I pointed out to him that it takes 3-4 tries to get the IV going so we decided I would stay the night. I came home this monring. My white count was back down this morning though so that is good! I had a bit of a fever last night to so I was worried.
The surgery last week was needed though- I don't think anything else. I believe that was important to have done. They found some problems, and I believe that they are problems that contributed to some of the pain I had this last month (especially after the scope!!!) and problems that would have created worse issues in the future. I am not sorry I had the surgery. I am upset that it wasn't the whole problem. Now I have to make sure I don't get into this situation again. I am not sure I would live through another one of those!!
I am so frustrated. I have worked so hard to get off the medicines and fix the health issues the weight brought on and now I have a whole new set of problems. I have been wondering if it was a good trade. I know they aren't related. I know that is just how things are.... but I am still frustrated! UGH I hate feeling frustrated and not looking on the bright side of things. but this has been a rough month for me. I NEVER take pain pills unless it is horrible, this last month I have been so lost- either the high level of pain or the pain meds has really kept me out of it. II came home from the hospital this morning with 4 different kinds of pills! none of them long term but I hate having to take any of them!!!
On the good side of life- the clinic is doing great, and we are on track to do our first surgeris on March 13 (one of them being me for my port revision- which means ANOTHER IV!!) but this will be worth it! The bands, port, and fill kits have been ordered!!! We are kind of to the point of no return! I am so excited about that all! I can't wait! This is such a wonderful surgery! A way to help someone! I am so blessed to be a part of it!
Until I blog again.....
I remember Ty telling me that they didn't find anything wrong and me crying. We came back to town and straight to the hospital. I knew that the dr that ordered it (my surgeon) would be there. I also knew he was considering exploratory surgery if the results of the scope showed nothing. So I told him. He said let's do surgery friday. OK. Meanwhile- the scope set off a whole new world of pain for me. I had a pain shot Monday afternoon and Tuesday evening. I was suffering Wed. and Thursday! Friday the 13th came and I had surgery! The people I work with were so fun! It was also my birthday so they left me a teddy bear, coloring book, crayons, and story book on my bed before I got there. After the surgery (in the recovery room) they painted my toenails, tattoed me in two spots, and wrote happy birthday plus drew a cupcake with a candle in it on my bandage!! They wrote it so I could read it when I looked down! The dr told me I was going to spend the better part of a week in the hospital. I told him no way. I was home Sunday afternoon! Two days later! Anyway -they found my ovaries connected to my intestines with the right one being larger than the left one and had cysts on it. The dr also took my appendix out. I felt really good! All my pain was gone! I was so happy! The incision hasn't bothered me at all! I was up and moving a couple hours after I woke up.
Saturday EARLY Saturday Feb 21st I woke up and had some pain. I took a lortab and it let me rest for a bit. At 7am I was in more pain. I had to get up to use the bathroom and that was it. I knew I better go to the hospital. I called my mom (we all run to our mommies don't we), and I was trying to sound cheerful but then she asked me how I was, and I lost it. I started crying. I was in worse pain than when I went to the ER in January! I was so mad because that surgery was suppose to have solved the problem. I felt stupid because I figured it was horrible constipation. Although things seemed to be moving along just fine the day before. I am tired of being in the hospital, IV's which take 3-4 sticks to get going, being in pain, being a wimp about the pain, and I hurt!!!! OH MAN DID I HURT!!! I just cried and cried. But it hurt so badly to cry too! I couldn't take a deep breath in. The ride to town was painful. My husband found EVERY bump from our house to the hospital and hit them!!! I couldn't sit down or lie down.
So blood tests showed I might be fighting an infection and that I was full of stool (sorry!) The medical emergency surgery comes on with 10 inches in the bowel and I had 7.5 - I would glad have let them open me up and cut out the stool and that part of the intestines!!! The pain was unbearable! The dr offered to let me go home last night if I felt up to it with knowing if it got worse I would need to come back. I pointed out to him that it takes 3-4 tries to get the IV going so we decided I would stay the night. I came home this monring. My white count was back down this morning though so that is good! I had a bit of a fever last night to so I was worried.
The surgery last week was needed though- I don't think anything else. I believe that was important to have done. They found some problems, and I believe that they are problems that contributed to some of the pain I had this last month (especially after the scope!!!) and problems that would have created worse issues in the future. I am not sorry I had the surgery. I am upset that it wasn't the whole problem. Now I have to make sure I don't get into this situation again. I am not sure I would live through another one of those!!
I am so frustrated. I have worked so hard to get off the medicines and fix the health issues the weight brought on and now I have a whole new set of problems. I have been wondering if it was a good trade. I know they aren't related. I know that is just how things are.... but I am still frustrated! UGH I hate feeling frustrated and not looking on the bright side of things. but this has been a rough month for me. I NEVER take pain pills unless it is horrible, this last month I have been so lost- either the high level of pain or the pain meds has really kept me out of it. II came home from the hospital this morning with 4 different kinds of pills! none of them long term but I hate having to take any of them!!!
On the good side of life- the clinic is doing great, and we are on track to do our first surgeris on March 13 (one of them being me for my port revision- which means ANOTHER IV!!) but this will be worth it! The bands, port, and fill kits have been ordered!!! We are kind of to the point of no return! I am so excited about that all! I can't wait! This is such a wonderful surgery! A way to help someone! I am so blessed to be a part of it!
Until I blog again.....
Friday, February 20, 2009
down and out
I have been down and out for the last month. I have been dealing with the same pain I went to the emergency room with January 14 for this past month. Finally had surgery feb 13th (yes a friday the 13th- but also my birthday so it balances out right?) Anyway- I haven't forgotten I started this blog- just too tired to update it.
I will do so soon. Sorry
I will do so soon. Sorry
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