banded life

Moving forward!

2011-06-25T11:17:00.001-07:00

So Thursday I went to the gym and my goal was to just run as long as I could. The first couple of minutes were awful. I was sure that the day before and running 10 mins straight was a fluke. BUT I stuck it out and soon hit that 10 minutes and made a goal of 15 min. then a goal of 20 min! I was so excited! I did just barely over 20 minutes at 4.5 mph. My goal now is to increase the speed and the length of time gradually. My knees are a little sore but not bad. I woke up in the middle of the night and they were yelling at me so I did not do my work out friday - I swapped my rest day for today with friday- so nothing yesterday- I was too tired to even drive home! But did the workout for supreme 90 today.

Funny thing about that- my husband came in during my workout (I work out in the front room and usually at 5:30 am so he is sleeping but it was after 8 at this point) and sat down. He made a couple of comments about my workout (Nice comments) and then I hear sniffling.... I look at him and he is crying. I asked what he was crying for and it was just that he was so proud of me and was thinking about 5 years ago how that would never have been something I could do or would try to do.

After my work out Troy (age17) comes in to lift his weights a little. So I was showing him some of the things he can do to change it up. =)

I was proud with my workout because I did 5 or 6 burpees today!! Those are hard for me. and I did I think 10 push-ups without modification and jump lunges! I can't wait for the day I can do a full plank jack!!! I am getting close!!! I can tell a difference in my ability, strength, and endurance each day as I follow that program. I am pleased with the results I have seen so far!!

I am not sure I will win the biggest loser contest. There are a lot of people doing so well on their plans too. I heard of some having lost 10-14 pounds already. I am hovering at about 8-10 pounds lost. BUT I know that everyone has to continue on that weight loss for three months total. Some might not have that endurance some will platuea eventually and I will catch up! Not going to put myself out of the running that is for sure. I am trusting in the process that building the muscles will help to burn fat quicker at some point.

Everyone is able to choose their method like HCG etc. I want to see what I can do just doing it the plain old fashion way- exercise and eat right! SO just trusting in the process at this point and doing what I can. I faulter with the food occassionally but all in all I am doing great I think!

I am learning that I prefer to exercise to fight stress over eat to fight it!

WOW!

2011-06-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

I am pretty excited! I ran on the treadmill for 10 minutes straight yesterday and probably could have done a little bit longer but had to be somewhere so had to stop. I was so proud. It was not a fast run but I am building endurance! 4.5 mph was my speed.

My goal is to run as much of the first 3 miles or so of the soda screamer and still have the ability to push Christopher the rest of it!!! I have a few months to work towards this goal! I am hoping to possibly run while pushing him but we'll see.

So that is my news for the day! I am eating well, exercising well and trusting in the process. My knee hurt a little this morning and I am not sure if that is from the running or from my trainer having me do step ups on the weight bench! that is a big big step!!! =)

until I blog again.....

Biggest Loser so far

2011-06-22T11:10:00.000-07:00

Well, my scale said 189 this morning- dr scale was just a bit more but it's all good. I am not losing a lot of weight at the moment but I am changing drastically in shape! I am doing supreme 90 which is similar to the p90x as far as I can tell. I am on day 22 and feeling great- other than tired from getting up early! I do that in the morning then try to do something else in the afternoon. Walk on my lunch time, go to the gym, personal trainer sessions with a teammate.... etc.

Thought I would share this story with you -

Saturday I took Troy shopping for his father's day gift to Ty. (Troy is my youngest age 17- ty is my husband - wasn't sure everyone knew that) =) anyway he picked out ande's choc cherry candy and another treat and said he and his dad would share the ande's right away but the other treat would be added to the gift for Sunday. Well, saturday afternoon i grabbed one of those ande's candys and popped it into my mouth. Troy walked up and put his hand under my mouth and said "spit it out!" so I did- spit and all! I wasn't overly nice about it! and i followed him into the kitchen where he proceeded to open the trash can and "slam" the spit and candy into the can. I said "what the heck wasthat for!?" (I was thinking he was upset cause that was his treat to share with his dad only) he waves his index finger at me and says "I want to go to disney so don't eat that!!" OH MY! I was laughing so hard!! the next morning I got a lecture about the choc cake roll he found in the fridge!!! we won't even go into that discussion!! LEt's just say I didn't dare eat until he went to work!!! hahahaaha!! I really hope I don't let him down!!! =) I know I haven't worked as hard some days as I could have. But there is only one day this month that I didn't exercise at all! I could improve my food options some days but most days I am doing great I think....

I really want to win that Disney prize!!!

until I blog again.....

one week later....

2011-06-08T09:49:00.001-07:00

I am one week into the biggest loser contest! I have done well I think... I want to say I have lost 3-5 pounds but will have to wait until July for an official weigh in before I post for sure pounds lost! =)

I work out twice a day most days! A strength program in the mornings, treadmill or other things in the evenings. I drink all my water and eat lots of protein. Some carbs, some fruit.

I enjoy about 3/4 cup of milk with a 100 calorie pack of cookies at bedtime!!

I feel good and will hopefully look good soon! I am trying hard to exercise when I am stressed instead of visit the fridge! I have a lot of stress to make me practice this new concept! I think I am doing well.

Encouragement needed! =)

Until I blog again....

Biggest Loser?

2011-06-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

First let me update you on the 5K on May 30th. It was windy, muddy, slippery, and cold. So Christopher did not join me again. Sigh... I miss him when he isn't there making his sounds and rockin' the chair! I finished in 52 minutes .... I was hoping for 45 but I will take this. I didn't do a thing last week. I was lazy. BUT NO MORE!!!

The hospital I work for is doing a Biggest Loser Contest. Weigh in today!! It has wonderful prizes- best one... $1500 towards a trip to Disney Land because our theme for the hospital right now is "what if Disney ran the hospital". I WANT THAT TRIP!!!

I have my schedule mapped out for workouts, I have food planned except this morning it dawned on me I haven't really done well to plan suppers.... hmmmm I even have it planned how to make sure I get my water in!!! I think I am ready to go! Ty is ready to help take care of stuff around the house more so I can concentrate on this contest and doing what I need to do!

SO my official beginning weight.... 197.8
and my right forearm is an inch bigger then the left! just incase you were wanting to know that! haha! I think it is from bowling? every thing else seemed to be the same on both sides! I had my picture taken for my before shot and will post that later.

Not sure anyone reads this blog, but if you do- please feel free to send me encouragement, hints, tips, recipes, etc!!!

until I blog again.....

off and running-

2011-05-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

So I have been training a lot less than I want to be. This week was super busy- the first week of May I didn't get out as much as I should have but I did ok at the first 10k - I finished it in 1:28. Came in second out of THREE ha! but it's all good!

I wasn't able to push Christopher the whole distance because of weather and not wanting him to get wet and cold. But I did push him at the end and across the finish line.

Losing weight- not really but once I get to training more I should show a loss... I bounce back and forth in the same 5 pound range. Can't wait to get out of it but it is my choices that are keeping me from doing so. I have got to get out there and exercise! It is getting nicer outside so hoping to take advantage of that and go for walks more often and longer.

next event is May 30th a 5k! Gotta get moving so I can do well in the half marathons that are coming up! Want to go train where the screamer is. Perhaps tomorrow!? good plan and picnic at the park if it is nice out!

until I blog again.....

2011

2011-05-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I have set my goals for this year. I have about 50 pounds to lose and to do so I am going to walk/run a series of 10k's (one a month for five months May- Sept). I have a couple of 5k's I am going to do, and at least two half marathons. I will be pushing my special needs son for all these events (combined weight of about 150 pounds)

The first event is this Saturday May 7th!! I am NOT ready but figure this will give me room to improve as I move through the series! I am nervous about this event simply cause I do not know the course. Haven't seen it, don't know the area so a map won't tell me enough to make me not feel nervous.

So- increase my protein intake, seriously decrease my sugar intake, and exercise exercise exercise. I am hoping that by the time I get to the Soda Screamer I am very very close to my goal if not at goal. and I am hoping to beat my time of last years screamer.... 3:42:55 I am looking for under 3:30 - major goal is being done in under 3:15 but we will see how this summer goes.

Follow along- please send encouragement! thoughts- prayers etc!!

Until I blog again.... (and I won't wait so long between blogs) =)

Wed.

2010-11-17T12:13:00.000-08:00

I did NOT do any stairs last night. My head hurt so badly I just couldn't. I didn't dare! with my head already hurting, and knowing that I tend to get light headed when doing the steps- I didn't figure that was a safe combination. So instead I baked cookies! blah---

So once again- not happy with my food efforts. And ok with the exercise issue cause that was for my safety I made that choice. If I could just get rid of the headaches! They die down after a little while after getting home- they start when I show up to work... hmmmmm

Anyway- weight going no where but at least it isn't going up. I wasn't happy with the scales today but then I took my shoes off (I always take them off was just lazy this morning) and I weighed in the same as last week. Hoping to make progress in the food department and increase my workouts. Not sure what to do tonight. Might go to the gym or just do stairs. Tomorrow is suppose to be zumba.

I will happy once some of the unneeded stress is out of my life- getting closer with that....

I am feeling my monday night workout today! Didn't notice it until last night! But my abs are yelling a bit!!! I just want to see some results but I know that I need to actually put in more work for those results. sigh.

I have got to make something work. I know it is better food choices and continued exercise but the food part escapes me from time to time.

until I blog again.....

So far so good...

2010-11-16T07:25:00.001-08:00

I went to the gym last night and did the circuit training! I Love that!! Did some aerobic type work and weights on the universal gym. I was pleased. Hope I start seeing results. Now if I can get the junk out of my diet I will be doing even better!

Just had my health fair labs drawn- I am expecting to see some bad glucose numbers.... sigh.... but I am working on it so I know I will be ok. I can do this.

No workouts over the weekend. Had appointments and went out of town. Not really a good excuse cause I went to a hotel and they had STAIRS . OH yeah- I didn't run the steps cause I was tired AND because I brought workout clothes but forgot my shoes!! silly me. I was actually kind of upset about that. I thought about going barefoot but worried about messing up my feet and slowing me down in the long run.

Tonight is a stair climb day. Then biggest loser! Love that show! One of my boys said they need to do a celebrity biggest loser. I think that would be pretty cool but then again- most celebrities could afford to go to the Biggest Loser Ranches they have. So help the other people who can't. This season has been hard for me to watch. They have the most competitive game playing contestants I have ever seen this year! Makes it hard to watch some nights. To me the only competition is myself. I need to do better than I did yesterday! I need to lose the weight for my health not for money!

until I blog again.....

Friday! Really?

2010-11-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

Well, we woke up Christopher this morning, had him dressed and ready to go. Breakfast ready- feeling good that we were on top of things and ahead of our typical schedule. Then I went to get him his meds.... I couldnt' understand why I only had Friday pills in the pill strip then it dawns on me that today IS Friday! Poor kid- up dressed and ready with no place to go. So he went back to bed ( I am so jealous of that!) and I went to work. He did enjoy his breakfast first but we now understand the reasons behind the looks he was giving us!

Now- Last night- I am proud of my exercise efforts. Not so much my food efforts. But I did 1120 stairs last night! in 25 minutes!!! The stairs here are not as tall and they have a hand rail so think that made it easier. I was really proud of that. Then I had some water, ran to the store and got me a head band so I could keep the sweat and hair out of my eyes during zumba. Next I went to zumba! I worked my hardest - there was a couple of times that I needed to back off a little but otherwise I kicked it up a notch or two. I jumped for some of it, squated deeper for some of it. was a huge sweaty mess.

I came home and ate a couple of bites of taco soup with cheese, then some little smokies with cheese, then some frosting. I KNOW I KNOW!! AWFUL!!! But I think I get into some low sugars when I work out.... at one point I still wanted some more frosting but went to sleep instead. I will do better.

This morning I ate my protein bar and then a muffin that a co-workers wife brought in. YUMMY - Think I need the little bit of extra calories. Perhaps if I eat a few more caloric items that are healthful during the day I won't be so snacky at night. We'll see.

they are having fried veggie basket today.... mushrooms, onion, rings cheese... oh my!! how to stay away from that!? I don't know. Those are my favs.

until I blog again.....

ha!

2010-11-11T17:10:00.000-08:00

Well, It is evening and I am eating my meals backwards! I am such an air head- I forgot my posting this morning and didn't follow my meal plan. I ate nothing for breakfast. Ate 4 moz sticks (the FRIED kind- trust me I know that wasn't a healthy option) for lunch. drank some water. Now for supper - I am eating my protein bar and some microwave 94% fat free kettle popcorn.

I will be going to zumba tonight for sure. - only thing that will slow me down is if the weather seems to be getting worse. I am hoping to get in some stairs tonight but we'll see. Zumba for sure-anything else will be a bonus!

Now I need to get to work on finding some good recipes. I want to find some good holiday ones to share!

Will post tomorrow what I accomplished and didn't accomplish. =)

until I blog again....

well......

2010-11-11T06:27:00.001-08:00

I didn't do anything last night but eat. sigh....

So today is a new day. If I can do right more days a week then not then I will be ahead of the game!

Today- Protein bar- healthy lunch of some sort (not sure what yet) and if I am I able to I will be going to zumba tonight. I have two sets of steps to do before saturday night to keep my goal of 50 trips twice a week. I WILL DO THAT!!! Perhaps I will do it tonight after zumba or instead of zumba if time does not allow me to go to zumba-

chicken for supper.... looking for new health recipes to try as well.

I don't think many people read this blog but for those who do- Hope it isn't too boring- I am using this as a journal of sorts to help get me and keep me on track! =)

until I blog again....

wouldn't ya know it!?

2010-11-10T11:06:00.000-08:00

Monday I came to work and made it all of 15 minutes before leaving! I spent the day in the bathroom- then Tues I was feeling better and the more I moved the worse I got. So- day two of being sick. So I have missed two days of working out. Day one was the new class and day two was a stair day. I can make up the steps part. The class I have to wait until Monday again. I was to worn out to get up to do zumba this morning. Still not feeling the greatest so might not hit the gym tonight either. Ok don't think I will at all. BUT I might go for some stairs. I can do a few at a time if I need to. (A few trips then rest then a few trips etc- not a few steps in one!) =)

I think some of my outside stressors are being reduced so I might show some progress in the weight loss department. I just want to improve on my muffin top (decrease for improvement not increase!) and feel good. Want to be physically fit for the stair climb in March- and for other events I am considering.

Gathering up some good motivating messages to use in my stair climbing. If you have any good ones - please share.

until I blog again....

A day off

2010-11-07T11:54:00.000-08:00

I did the stairs yesterday! 50 trips up and down- 600 stairs. Took me 18 minutes! I was really pleased with that! I am doing better to cut back on milk and sugar but honestly I have room for improvement!

I am looking to do something TOTALLY out of my comfort zone! I have to be accepted into the event first. So will post my plans later!

Today is a rest day. No work out today! Circuit Training is tomorrow- first for me! I am looking forward to it! Think I might go walk on the treadmill first. Not sure.

until I blog again.....

my log.....

2010-11-05T18:54:00.000-07:00

I am a little not happy with myself. But I am going to get inline and get it done. Nothing like watching your fat jiggle in the mirror while exercising to make you realize you need to get busy! and what the heck did I do to make one leg seem so much bigger then the other! =0

I am working hard to reduce milk intake and sugar intake! I am increasing exercise. I am going to take a photo of me and post it each week.

going to be a lean mean stair climbing machine -

until I blog again......

Training

2010-11-04T12:52:00.000-07:00

Well, it has begun. My training... I am not really good at this nor do I really have a clue =) but I have begun.

My goal is to run enough steps to count as one tower worth twice a week for November. Then moved up to two towers in December, three in January, and four in feb and march. I am taking advantage of my class pass with the gym and plan to attend all the classes I can in a week. I realize that I can't just jump in with both feet and train 6 days a week immediately but I will do my best and work my way up. There are some classes with weights, spin bike, zumba, or a combo of some of these. I have a class or my stairs everyday of the week except Sunday.

I really think I will be doing well if I can keep as close to this schedule as possible. The other things I have going for me is that the actual event is only walking UP the steps and not down- during my training I will have to do both. Also- I am training in the mountain area and then going to Chicago so the air will be different. So those two can benefit me pretty well I think.

I have 50 cards at the bottom of the steps - when I get to the bottom I take a card and carry it to the top and put it in the bowl. I have half the deck face up and half face down so when I am half way done I know it! When I am done with 50 cards I gather my cards up and take them back downstairs for the next day I train steps. This makes my total steps in a workout for right now- 612 (one tower equals 585 stairs) I have thought about making 50 cards from card stock in four different colors and putting a motivational message on each one so if I am struggling I can read it and keep going! I need lots of ideas for motivational thoughts. Might have to ask on facebook.

So tonight is zumba- I have done one zumba this week and one set of stairs. Tomorrow is scupt and spin which I am really looking forward to - HONESTLY! I want some good weight training! =)

I am working hard to cut out the excess milk I drink and sugar intake. Again- I am not going cold turkey with either of these things but will improve on them as I go. I have gained a little weight but my body looks like I have gained A LOT. So with all my training I would imagine I will lose some weight and so come March 27th I hope to be looking and feeling better as well!

Until I blog again......

wahooo!OOOO!Oooooo

2010-10-11T11:29:00.000-07:00

Well, Sept 17th we went and walked ten miles of the soda screamer- took 3 hours 10 minutes. I was pretty pleased with that. Decided with a little extra work I would be able to finish in four hours - but still be pushing the 4 hours but I was pleased with that.

The next week I spent looking for new kitchen cabinets and other kitchen items and was unable to train much- (new kitchen/dining room is a wonderful gift from my oldest child! bless her heart!) Then we went to yellowstone the weekend of Sept 24th. That was an amazing trip! I made sure I pushed Christopher for most of the walking we did.

By the time I got back- I was sick. Saw the dr, got some good cough syrup, got to feeling better but not 100%. I did walk a little over half way home one day last week. So October 9th arrived- not as ready for it as I would have liked to been and not as healthy as I would have liked to been but time to go!

So I took off like everyone else- a light jog until I hit the first hill. (mind you I wasn't going to run much if any!) the paths were decorated for Halloween (the soda SCREAMER) - it was very fun. I really enjoyed it- the morning from up there was beautiful. around mile three the one person that was behind me passed me. But I was in this for me and Christopher to finish- not beat anyone.

Had a great time-people cheered us on- clapped, told us we were an inspiration, and went back to their own run. Lots of neat heart-warming moments. I at one point decided I wasn't going to make it back in the four hours and got a little upset with myself but then decided it didn't matter- what was important was that I just finish.

The last half mile to mile I was sure we weren't going to finish at all! Ty gave me a piece of a special k protein bar and that boosted me up to finish! We came into the final stretch and people came to the finish line cheering us on. It was wonderful. We crossed the finish line and the person over the event said "you did it in less than four hours" I couldn't believe it. I said "really? what time is it?" She didn't know but someone else said 11:42 and I said "nu uh" then Ty showed me his cell phone, and it said 11:43. I couldn't believe it!!

I am so very proud of my accomplishment! next year we will shave off some more time! Next year we will have the new jogging stroller that did not make it in time for this event!!

Until then- I am starting to train for my next big crazy event!! In Chicago! I am so excited to do this event! It is for the American Lung Association! 2,340 steps to climb!!! I can do it! I know I can!!!

until I blog again....

thinking....

2010-09-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

So I have been thinking a lot about not having made it to my goal, and then last night I was asked why people don't make it to their goal. I have many thoughts on this but for me I think it is because I am no longer consumed with my weight and food.

Before it was wake up think about food- think about how fat I am - wonder if anything will fit me. Wonder if people will notice me worry that people will, worry that people won't. Worry if I will embarrass my kids....

Now it is- what is on my to do list today? make breakfast for Christopher, lay out his clothes, get to work, do paper work, take care of this and that, oh- have a protein bar for breakfast, work, etc. Food and my weight is not my worry, my concern, my all powering thoughts....

I am not to my goal as far as weight, people probably see me and wonder if I will ever make it to my goal, but the day I decided that this surgery was for me, my goal was to get rid of diabetes, high blood pressure, and to be able to take care of Christopher when he is an adult and not have to put him in a home because I was too fat to take care of him...

diabetes- GONE
high blood pressure - GONE
ability to take care of my own child- IMPROVED!!!
need for a home for him- GONE
(now if he was just a bit shorter! and cooperative sometimes- I would have it made!)

So my goals are met. the goal weight, the skinnier body- icing on the cake HA and we all know I don't always need the icing! HAHAA!

Until I blog again.....

training

2010-09-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I am so excited. I went over to Soda to walk part of the course for the half marathon, and I took Christopher with me. We walked (ok I walked- he rode) 7.6 miles! I was hoping to get back to my starting point in 2.5 hours I did it in 2 hours 15 minutes! I was really pleased! There are a couple of rough hills but I made it. They make me a little nervous but hopefully the new chair for Christopher will make it easier. We'll see- if the chair EVER gets here to begin with!!

His chair was pulling to the left a tiny bit so I was pushing extra hard on the left and pulling back on the right. But we made it!! I think Thursday I am going to pick Christopher up from school and take him and walk all but the Kelly Park back trails.

We have tshirts being made for us! Christopher's Crew.... We are all excited to be doing this. We want to get the message out that alcohol and pregnancy doesn't mix!!! It is sad to think he has the issues he has and struggles as he does because of something his birth mom decided to do- his life could have been totally different had she not touched a drop..... but perhaps that would have meant we never got to meet him or be his parents or get to know the precious sweet spirit he is.

So Christopher's crew is ready to roll.... Oct 9th. Want to hear his story- check out thesodascreamer.blogspot.com

I weigh today- hope I show a weight loss. I have been stuck on the same weight despite my half efforts - I will be honest. exercise- not a regular event for me and proper food choices still escape me but I am doing better in both areas.

until I blog again.....

Walking

2010-09-05T13:06:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I walked home after work. It took me an hour and a half. I was so tickled with that time!! probably around 5.5 or more miles. Need to get it done even faster but I was pleased with that time. Really pleased.

Now if I can get some of my food choices under control I would be even happier. I do feel that I am smaller in size. My rings are loose, my clothes are loose, and for the first time in a long time it hurt my knees to lie on my side... (the knee bones touching with no fat pad is painful!) So I am happy for all that.

I am not eating shakes with peanut butter cups on a regular basis like I was prior to the band being emptied. I am not eating junk all the time. I am not losing weight very fast but that's ok too. I will be thankful for a pound a week opposed to staying the same all the time.

I am debating about walking home today or just going home and relaxing and spending time with the family. If I do that I think I will for sure walk to work tomorrow. I have to come in for about an hour. We'll see. I have a couple of hours before I need to decide....

Until I blog again.....

training!

2010-09-03T15:44:00.001-07:00

Well, I have been working on walking to prepare for the half marathon in October. I walked 9.6 miles almost 4 weeks ago, and then the next day I walked 6 miles to the next town to attend a zumba exercise class (LOVE the zumba). Then the next Monday I walked 13.4 miles!! I got 13.1 miles finished in the 4 hour time frame the Soda Screamer has. Then walked to town the next day for zumba again.

This past saturday I walked part of the Soda Screamer to decide if I can take my son on part of it. So walked about 4 miles I think- maybe more. I decided that I better not take him on the first 3 mile section because it is in an area that would be hard to get to him or get him out of there if he has a seizure or something. So I will hurry through those first miles to make up time and pick him up from Ty when I get out of there.

I have been emailing with the person in charge and told her that is what I had decided I needed to do and that I was working on the registration money but we would be there. I got an email today saying they wanted to donate his registration and also wanted to share our story with their newspaper. I was so touched. I just cried.

I told her also that I could WALK the half marathon in exactly 4 miles but once I add my son it will slow me down. So I need to get working! I just got a new membership to the gym so will work out after work more often and going to work on my power walking! I am so excited. Hope I can finish in the 4 hours.... the information says they will begin clean up after 4 hours. I can do this... I can I can I can......

until I blog again.......

Empty....

2010-08-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

Well, here's the story- my band is too tight. Sigh... oh let me rephrase- WAS too tight! My port was upside down for a bit there. Yesterday we looked with flouro and it was on its side so the dr was able to access it and empty my band. He is awesome!!

Anyway- my band being too tight: think it is due to having gained some weight this past year. Then I got sick over the weekend and knew I had to have it emptied. I only had one cc in it - when he hit the spot and removed the fluid I could hear/feel the last of what was in the pouch gurgle down through to my stomach! I am nervous to gain weight but know this needed to be done, and if I exercise and eat right - I will be ok!

I was not able to eat a proper meal... I pieced... I ate junk... I had daytime heartburn night time acid reflux and night cough. I was basically maintaining for weight- gain a couple lose those gain those and lose them again....

So last night I went for a long 9.6 mile walk- and came home and ate about 1/4 of a subway salad!! I have to say that 3.5 years ago I never would have imagined that I would miss salad!! LETTUCE!!! oh but that is what I wanted last night!!! I ate it and it stayed down!! I haven't had lettuce in probably a year or better. For breakfast I ate a hardboiled egg and a string cheese!! I was soo full! I only ate a few bites of lunch!! I think my stomach is swollen though so once that all calms down I am worried... =)

But I know I have a fantastic support group that will help me along the way!

My marathon goals- They have changed. My new goals are to find walks- 5k 10k half marathon walks - I like to walk. I can do walking AND I am planning to take my special needs son with me to these! I will push him in his new jogging stroller (once it arrives!). He loves the outdoors and going for a walk so this will be awesome!! We are going to do the Soda Screamer in October- half marathon. I have 4 hours in which to finish 13.1 miles. I know I can do it. I am working hard to be able to finish in that time... I found some other walks too. Might do a 10k in September.

I am going to a zumba class tonight for the first time. Heard this really helps the love handles!! that is the hardest area for me. SO I hope this is true! Can't wait!!

Anyway- to any one who reads this- some encouragement and support is needed! =)

I will try to blog more often!! I need a place to keep me in line for these next few months while my band is empty. yes months- it is what it is.... that is my choice and the possibility of having another surgery done- so I will wait till after that to have it filled again. I am confident at this point that I will do ok. Eating some well planned healthful meals and getting into the exercise program I am working on will be a great combination! Plus support from family and friends.

Until I blog again.....

We're walking, we're walking, and stop....

2010-05-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

Well, my dear friend Lacey remembered I wanted to walk at lunch time!! Bless her heart! She showed up just before one- we went and walked around adams park a couple of loops and back again. It was nice! I was a sweaty mess but LOVED the fresh air and sunshine!!

Food choices- Think I did pretty good!! I had hmmm what did I have? I had some chocolate pudding at lunch. Then for supper I ate some mac and cheese with tuna and a slice of french toast later. I drank some milk (probably a little too much milk) and I drank almost all my water yesterday- might have been a half cup shy?

THEN I did some squats. (that is such a funny sounding word - squat!) I did 150 total. then I did leg lifts 100 each leg. (50 side 50 back) My legs noticed it right away!!

This morning I did 100 squats, and I am working on a yogurt. (oh this morning I also had a piece of toast with a light dusting of powdered sugar.) So overall- not horrible- not nearly as bad as last week's food and exercise (or lack thereof!)

Hoping to get out for a small walk at least at lunch today!!

until I blog again....

not going to make my goal!

2010-05-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

I just read a post of mine from the end of 2009, and I had a goal of reaching my goal weight by May 28th (the wedding day). I am not going to reach that goal. Infact- I am not even close. So I REALLY have to pay attention to myself and get on the ball!

I think I am actually a few pounds further from my goal that I was at the point. Not a lot but enough to make me irritated! It will be ok! I will be working on it and I will get to my goal. It is just taking longer than I would like and longer than I like to admit to anyone! =) but if you see me- you know I am not to my ideal weight so I guess I won't have to say much!

So today I ate the second bag of popcorn from my friend. 100 calories. And I am hungry- I want lunch- not sure what to have though..... sigh.

well, not the greatest choices again but I had some oven fried chicken with half a dinner roll, then I had a sloppy joe and some doritoes and a couple of brownies... BUT my siter in law offered to send some of them home with me, and I said no!! part of that - "it is easier to say no once at the store than to have to say no everytime you see them in the house" theory! Later I was wishing I had them!! ha!

until I blog again....

Her she is to save the day!!

2010-05-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite patients came into see me at the hospital. And do you want to know why she came to see me!!? She brought me popcorn 100 calorie kettle corn mini microwave bags! Not just one of them even- she brought me two!!! That just made my day! I told her that was great cause lunch options weren't the best for me in the cafeteria. So what did this ever-so-thoughtful person do- she CAME BACK! She brought me a lean cuisine. Her favorite kind!! butter nut squash ravioli!! I ate half of that. (the pasta is hard for me) It was pretty good! Honestly- I wasn't sure I would like it but it was good! Now I am eating my 100 calorie kettle corn dessert! Rather enjoying that as well! What a thoughtful person she is. And she couldn't have picked a better day to help me out! Thanks!!! She is such a good friend!

Other than that - and the toast this morning - I haven't had anything. I need to get my water in!! I need to be better about that as well. I have plans to help tie a quilt or two after work but then I am hoping to get outside. Maybe I will just end up taking Christopher for a walk. We'll see how windy it is.

oh - I LIED!! I had ONE doritoe chip today as well! Nurses had a new flavor of them and one of them told me I should try it. It is all nighter hamburger (maybe cheeseburger) but I tried one! WOW kind of a crazy chip! First I tasted pickles, then I tasted the ketchup and mustard!! It is one of those types where you are not sure if you like it or don't like it!! I felt like the girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory- oh yeah- Violet was her name!! She chewed the gum that was a 7 course meal! =)

Well, the evening was a little worse for food choices. I ate a little bit of spaghetti, half an egg salad sandwich, and a slice of pizza (minus the edge crust and another inch in from there- it was sausage and mushroom pizza) then I had a shake. yup- I did.... sigh. I did reduce the candy that I put in it when I have one!! so there is improvement there BUT there is a lot more room for improvement!! and sadly- no exercise. Certainly room for improvement there! I have no excuse. Just didn't get it done.

I will improve on my efforts. Don't worry- I won't bore you with the details of my food all the time... just figured if I admit this to the world (or at least my blog readers) I would want to work harder to be able to announce my good choices when I make them and have some success in weight loss since I am at a stand still right now.

until I blog again.....

yesterday and today

2010-05-15T05:35:00.000-07:00

The rest of my day didn't go as well for food.... I had spaghetti with a chicken pattie and garlic bread. Drank too much milk, ate some more garlic bread, had an ice cream bar (they were 162 calories which is wonderful compared to some of the sweets I have been eating). I ended up with horrible acid reflux and tried calming it down with another ice cream bar and a piece of toast in the night. BLAH overall- still probably better on calories than I have been doing. Which is quite sad.

I had a piece of toast for breakfast this morning with a little bit of butter. The acid reflux is subsiding finally! I have to work today. BUT I am going to try and get some exercise in. Perhaps I will use a toning band while at work. hmmmm

until I blog again.....

on the move!

2010-05-14T13:06:00.001-07:00

There is no better time to start than right now! Why say "I will start on Monday" or "I made a bad choice- might as well blow the rest of the day and then start again tomorrow"? Say "I need to make a change, and I am going to start that change right now! If I slip up, I will forgive myself and get right back on track immediately, not tomorrow, not the next day, next week... but right now."

So that is what I did! I am making those changes that I need to make! I got a hard boiled egg and a string cheese from the cafeteria and went for a walk! It was beautiful outside! just wonderful! I am so glad I went for that walk. I feel better.

The next two weeks is full of family visiting, bathroom remodel, new bathroom created, graduations, and a wedding. So I will be very busy! BUT I am planning on getting my walks in some where and some running in with my daughter while she is home. Wish me luck!

until I blog again....

out of control

2010-05-14T07:42:00.001-07:00

Well, I just want to announce to everyone that I have been making bad, bad food choices. I am not losing weight at this point. I infact have gained a few pounds. Last night I realized that I am walking down old paths that lead to bad choices, eating for the wrong reasons, and I am being lazy.

It is my goal to improve that. I will not eat just because I need something to do, or because I am upset. I will instead chew gum or go for a walk when these are my reasonings for eating.

My goal of a half marathon is still there. I am admittedly frustrated with my lack of ability to run very far before I tire. BUT I know that if I stick with it and exercise I will build up stamina and be able to accomplish my goals! My goal date is still August 28th. However, I have not paid to register for that marathon yet. =/

I just got information from my hubby about a half marathon in Soda Springs on October 9th. I invited my dear friend for a date with me that day! I promised her I wouldn't make her stay behind with me but that I would meet her at the finish line. We are both excited for this.

So to keep myself on track I am going to be better about journaling my efforts into here so I have to be accountible for my actions and choices!! This morning I had one bite of hubby's egg, sausage, and cheese on croissant (JUST ONE BITE!!! HONEST) and then I got myself a 4oz raspberry yogurt 110 calories (that is probably how many calories was in that one bite of breakfast sandwich!! HA)

My date for October 9th is doing a no sugar diet (no treats etc) she wanted me to join her but I am not sure I can do that! BUT I will seriously decrease the crap I am putting into my body these days. Buttery, salty popcorn on date night while watching Biggest Loser is going to be a thing of the past. I need to get my exercise ball filled and then sit on that and workout on it while I watch. I teach exercise while watching tv - I teach no excuses not to exercise - I need to live by that better! So my goal is to be an example by my actions not by my speaking.

Any notes of encouragement and support is greatly appreciated! =) They are cooking baked chicken legs in the kitchen today so think I will go for that! and I will start going for walks on my lunch time. I loved doing that. oh maybe I will get a hard boiled egg and string cheese and go for a walk today. Ummm. I wore a skirt. maybe have hubby bring me tennis shoes and socks and walk anyway!! My daughter will be here on Tues and she loves to go running so I will have her wait until I am home from work, and we will go running together. It will make her feel good to know she got her mom kick started in her half marathon training!

So note to self- get moving and get rid of crap food in my food plan!

until I blog again....

It's been awhile!

2010-05-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

Wow- it has been awhile since I updated! Will just say I am doing well! I decided this morning I must be feeling good cause I can get ready for work in just 25 minutes again and I have been on time a lot more!! =)

I have a two boys graduating and then the next day one of them is getting married!! His fiance is also graduating!! It will be a wonderfully fun week! I can't wait. I am planning on starting some serious training for the half marathon. I have set this goal now I need to work towards it. I can't disappoint myself now can I?

So I got my shoes out- I plan to hit the road when I get home from work today.

I will update in further detail later. I will say I am loving my clinic job right now and all the patients I am working with!

until I blog again....

GO!

2010-02-08T10:41:00.000-08:00

I found a marathon I want to run in. It is on August 28th. It has the option of a half marathon or a whole marathong- I will register later after deciding what I am ready for. BUT I figured if I have a goal date in mind- I will work harder for it.

So tonight I am going to the gym and going to walk, walk, walk, some running until it is time for my class at 7pm. need to work on some inclines. I want to do as much as I can and work my way up. I know I can do this!!

I watch Biggest Loser, and I think that I would never survive a week on the ranch!!! And I see all that they do. I know I can work harder and push myself. I know I can do this. So on your marks.... get set...GO August 28th

until I blog again.....

get ready.....

2010-02-05T13:11:00.000-08:00

Well, Since my last post I have had foot surgery (that was scheduled) and spent 4 days in the hospital sicker than I even want to remember. My tonsils were so huge!!! I sounded like I had a golf ball in my throat when I could talk but that took almost three days to get to that point. I will be having those out in March. It was awful. I hear the surgery is awful but if I can swallow my own spit life will be good.

So my marathon training has been slow. However- I did get started last week. I went to two classes at the gym - LOVED THEM!! walked on the treadmill with a little bit of running, did the eliptical weight loss program, some weights and extra ab work as well. I felt really good. I made some bad food choices, but i will get my hind end back in gear. So I am starting!!!

I am so excited in my work with the New Hope program at the hospital. I went and presented our educational seminar in Logan UT yesterday- I LOVE teaching about the new lifestyle. I love seeing the excitement in the patients. I love helping people get started in this wonderful journey!!

I have more seminars in March - I really hope to get those seats filled up!

until I blog again....

On your Marks.....

2009-12-24T21:36:00.000-08:00

We open our Christmas presents on Christmas Eve so let me tell you what I got. I am soooo excited!
I got a success habits book and workbook! I have read a good portion of the workbook and look forward to reading the book. Already, I can see how this can help me get moving as well as be a help with the support group!!! WOW!

I got a book titled "get motivated" helps you set goals and achieve them. An over all kind of goals... not weight related or money related I don't think... just any goals. So that will help me put goals in place and work for them!

Ty gave me two work out dvd's - Biggest Loser Workouts- sculpt and cardio. A six week program. This we will be starting jan 4th and I will only do upper body work for the first time around. After that I will be able to increase what I do as my foot allows. (having the right foot surgery on Dec 29). One of the boys gave me a book from biggest loser- success secrets. I will be using these stories for self motivation as well as in support group.

Another book I received was not weight related, but I am excited just the same. It is a fictional story written by a dear friend of mine. She was even so nice to write a personal message to me inside. She is so awesome. So I guess I will use this as my relaxation time. Perhaps read it next week while I am laid up post surgery!

I have spent a little time online tonight printing some articles on training.... marathon/running training. So reading will be a part of my training as I recover. OH one of the boys gave me a Biggest Loser calendar. I love it. He got me one last year too. I like those calendars. Lots of tips, motivation, places to write notes and goals, as well as check mark exercise and weigh ins.

So I am getting ready to go. I will probably need a new pair of shoes after the surgeries and healing time. Something with some more foot space and different stitching lines to avoid incision lines. That is what I will be asking for those for my birthday!

I just wanted to tell everyone Merry Christmas, and I am working on those marathon goals. Got a lot of work to do, but I AM getting started!!!!!

until I blog again.....

Feeling lots better!!!

2009-12-19T14:34:00.001-08:00

WOW- this has been a hard month and a half or so. I have been feeling weaker and weaker as the weeks passed. I wasn't able to drink much or eat any thing. Popcorn and icecream with peanut butter cups has been my main stay for a while. Dec 14th a dr did another scope and stretched out my esophagus and pyloris. Food hasn't been much of a problem since! My biggest problem with it was today - I want to eat!!!! BUT my body needs some nutrition so I won't complain to much!

So - due to weakness- marathon training is on hold for a bit. I made a deal with another patient to try an at home simple 10 minutes a day work out program. So I will be doing that until after the first of the year then I will add the gym. I probably won't be using the gym much for january
due to my foot surgery on Dec 29th but I will work on upper body strength and walk some on the treadmill as I am able. SHHHhhhh Don't tell the dr I said that!

Ty found an eight week training program that puts it so you should be able to walk or run 2 miles in 30 minutes by the end. So that is a starting point!!!! Anything will help! I am hoping to do some short runs this summer and during the relay for life in July- I hope to run some on the track. last year I did ten laps where I ran the curves and walked the straight aways. I would love to run ten -12 straight laps. BUT I know I am asking a lot of my body at this point. I need to suck it up and prepare for this. NO EXCUSES (except my foot!) I need to make time for working out. I can do this. Ty is unsure if he will be able to run but we both have the same goal of losing 40 pounds so even if he can't run the marathon- he can lose weight.

I want to one day do well enough to push my son in his wheelchair while I run. That is a major major goal, but it would be an awesome one to accomplish!!! I was thinking about diaper changes for him during a marathon.... then I wondered about a bathroom for me!!! hmmm.... that would be important to me to know that! =)

Anyway- so I have not begun my training except the at home exercise I challenged someone to do with me. And I failed the first day! (yesterday) so I will do the routine twice today.

until I blog again......

Are you ready for this?

2009-12-06T00:35:00.000-08:00

You all know I am a biggest loser fan. Well, I was watching it this week and then the marathon. I looked at Ty and asked if he would want to run a marathon. So after a short conversation it was decided we will begin to train!

Can you believe it!!!??? I wish I could have seen the look on Lacey's face when she read that! Yes- I am going to begin training for a marathon. I am not making any promises at this point that I will run a marathon, but the intention is there for now! Perhaps I will come to my senses!! Perhaps not! HA

So, my training will be starting out slow because I am recovering from left foot surgery and will be having right foot surgery later this month. I will be doing mild stuff to try and get back into a routine. Then as the foot allows, I will increase my work.

Perhaps you are all asking what would make me want to think about doing such a thing. Lacey is sitting there saying "you go girl! you can do it!" She is my running cheerleader, and I think I am really going to need her while I train! HaHa ANYWAY- Why would I do such a thing... Why would I even think about doing such a thing? Here's my logical, psychotic answer: "biggest loser made me do it!" I watch week after week as people who are overweight workout with Bob and Jillian. I watch the work they put into it. I am amazed at their ability to overcome the weight, pain, and suffering as they do the work outs. All I can think is that I am not very much overweight, but I doubt I could workout like they do. How awful is that!? I am so out of shape. It just goes to show that weight and size isn't always the only contributing factors to health.

So, I decided to prove to myself that I can do it. I can accomplish something major. I am not in it to run the whole way - although I would like to. I am not in it to complete it by in a certain amount of time, although I will get to that point where I set a goal. I am not in it to win by being the first person across the finish line. I am in it to show myself I can do it. I can work towards a large goal, and I can make it. I can do this. I am not a big fan of running but I am a fan of meeting goals.

Join with me as I begin to train. It will be including many forms of exercise, eating right, running, blogging, crying, trying to give up, trying to succeed. I can do this.

until I blog again....

Goal

2009-11-23T18:14:00.000-08:00

My new goal is to be to my goal weight by May 28th. That is six months away. If someone can figure out my health problems soon and get me feeling better, I might have a chance to meet that goal.

I really don't have a true weight I want to be. I have an idea of where I want to be. My biggest goal is to be able to go to any doctor office and not have the dr tell me I am overweight. I want to be below the radar on the overweight category!!!

I want to feel good and look good. So I have a weight range I want to get to. Then I will decide where I want to stay. So- to get to this range I need to lose 35-45 pounds. Unless I keep living off of popcorn and ice cream... blah!

I want to shrink out of EVERYTHING I own right now and go clothes shopping!!!! I would like to wear single digit pants... but I will be just fine if I stay in 10's. My biggest size goal is to get rid of the stupid muffin top. I look like those big giant muffins from Maverick- not a little muffin top... HA

So any support and encouraging words I can get would be great and appreciated!

until I blog again.....

Halloween

2009-11-22T19:03:00.000-08:00

I went as my former self for Halloween. Didn't win any costume contests but it was fun to do. The administrator said no one could appreciate the costume as much as he did. It was strange to be "big" again. I have no idea how I tied my shoes all those years. I tried walking between a desk and wall in the front office and had to really work to get my booty through there. By the end of the day I was so hot- so I shed my extra weight. Couldn't do that when I was truly big. It was an interesting experience. I am so thankful for my band. I do not know how I lived so long being overweight. I don't know what I would do if I ever had to have it removed for medical issues. I would cry and cry and cry. I see band removal as a death sentence. Not that I would just go eat all kinds of junk and such- but the band gives me the ability to feel full! I don't have that with the band being opened or not there. I need that feeling of being full. It is what keeps me from gaining weight, from over eating. Not having the band in place= death sentence. simple as that. I would do my best- I would exercise and everything but no band=death sentence. Nothing scarier in this world to me than the idea of taking my band out.

until I blog again.....

GOALS MET

2009-11-22T17:53:00.000-08:00

So - In Orlando I met my goals.
1. eat out at a restaurant alone
2. go to a movie in a movie theater alone
3. go swimming alone

On top of that I ate new foods
1. tuna
2. grouper
3. japanese beef wraps with sea weed

Also- walked up to others and introduced myself and asked to sit with them. Had a Dr befriend me and enjoyed all the people I met on this trip. It was such a neat experience. I stepped out of my comfort zone many times. I met the goals I set for myself and did many other new things as well. The weather was beautiful, the education was wonderful, the experience exhilarating, and I am very pleased with the trip and myself.

until I blog again.....

Wed. in Orlando

2009-11-21T19:04:00.000-08:00

Well, Wed was the last full day in Orlando. I got up and went to the summit. I sat with Heather again for breakfast. Then I found Jackie and told her it was nice to meet her. We had a session this day that was split up by job titles basically. It was a good session. Afterwards I went back to my hotel, got changed, and took pictures of the hotel. It really was a fun hotel as far as the decorating outside! Then I went to Epcot.

I walked around and got an idea of the things there. I got my picture taken with chip and dale. Then went and rode the clam shell and watched a short version of Finding Nemo. It was fun. I got the experience of announcing it was just me when they asked how many in my group or family. It's ok. I enjoyed watching some of the reactions.

I went to the area where there were buildings for different countries. I looked in a few of them. I found the Japanese area. I was excited. But then I learned they weren't totally what I was looking for. I thought it would me museum style things to look at. Each area offered a couple of restaurants serving ethnic food and a gift shop where you can buy things from the country.

I bought some Japanese candy for the kids, a set of nice chopsticks for myself, and tea cups for me and Ty with our names on it written in Japanese. Then I went and bought beef wraps from the Japanese kiosk. They were yummy! I went and sat in the concert area and watched Billy Ocean perform. It was hilarious. He walked out on the stage, and everyone started whispering that it wasn't really him. He had gray hair.... I giggled thinking that I am sure everyone that was whispering had aged in the 20 years since he was around so why wouldn't Billy Ocean himself age? Once he started singing everyone knew it was him and enjoyed it.

I went and stood in line to get my picture taken with the Disney characters. I stood among moms and dads with their kids and a couple of young couples enjoying life. I got my picture taken with each one of the characters that were in line. I had a great time!!! Probably one of my favorite moments! HA Then I went on a couple of other things, watched the dancing waters, and went to downtown Disney. Walked into a few stores I didn't go to the other times I was there. Got a treat and went back to my hotel.

My shuttle bus for the airport was picking me up at 4:15AM!!! ugh. So I packed my bag, made sure I was ready to go, and took a nap. I was exhausted, but happy, relaxed, and proud of myself. It was a good few days.

until I blog again....

2009-11-16T22:09:00.000-08:00

Tues Night in Orlando!

2009-11-15T11:19:00.000-08:00

The summit was great! I learned so much while I was in class. I learned a lot about the band, fills, other illnesses, support groups, etc. It was a wealth of information!!! Some of the information is leading to the discovery of some of my problems! So that is great!!!

I invited myself to sit with a lady named Heather the first morning for breakfast. And then with Jackie at lunch. They were nice ladies. I was proud of myself for not hiding in a corner alone. I did a lot with my time away! lots of new things for me!!

I even answered a question during class!! They wanted to know our opinion of future lapbands and what we would want to see from them. Some of the ideas talked about was a self adjusting band- one that would adjust as your body changes, hormonal swelling, tight in the morning, etc. The other big idea was to make it so patients can adjust their own band. SO I raised my hand and voiced my opinion. Told them my name and hospital. Told them my role in the clinic but told them I also come as a lapband patient. I said that as a band patient I would love to see a self adjusting band. I am typically tight in the morning and suffer from the hormonal swelling so a band that adjusts to my body is a great idea. And then I said how I would never agree to a band that the patients adjust themselves. I said that would lead into anorexia issues as well as the other direction... too much opening it for parties and that allows for cheating the band. I do not believe that a patient doing their own adjustments is something that should ever happen. It was after my comment that they actually asked how many people there were patients. There was 8 of us. Another lady spoke and said she was a coordinator and is now a consultant... I can't remember what she said but I knew I wanted to ask her the difference in a coordinator and consultant but when I tried to head over to her at the end a nice gentleman came up to me and introduced himself. Kevin. He has lost 100 pounds with the band. looks amazing. I got to see his before pic. We talked for a bit. He was very nice.

Tuesday night was a reception, dinner, dancing, dessert, mickey and minnie, fireworks. It was a neat experience. I wasn't sure I would like doing this alone but I wasn't going to back down. Classes went late so I didn't go back to the hotel, I just walked around and waited until it was time for the party. I walked up to someone and asked if I could sit at their table (there weren't many people there yet). I am getting better at this!! A dr walked up and started talking to us. She knew the lady I had talked to but not me. We walked away together to get food and drinks. I came back and the table I was going to sit at seemed full so I sat at a small table alone. The dr came back and asked if she could sit with me! I said "sure" she was a presenter at the summit so I felt good to have her want to join me. Then another presenter came up and talked to us. She invited the dr to join her at her table and the dr looked at me and said "should we join them" WOW. She is a neat lady! So I sat at a table with presenters and drs. I introduced myself and a lady named Marsha was sitting next to me and when she heard my name she said "you are SHERRI?! I was suppose to talk to you. Heather said I needed to talk to you about support groups" I was shocked. We had a nice talk. It was a great night!!! Mickey and Minnie came and I got my pic with Mickey- Kevin saw and asked it it would be on my blog! I told him it sure would be!! He said his would be too! I waited for the fireworks and finally they went off. like four rounds. then nothing. so we all gave up and headed to our rooms/buses/ etc....

It was still pretty early... it was extra chilly and windy though. On the trip back to my hotel I was thinking about the rest of my time there. I decided if I was to make my swimming pool goal tonight would have to be the night. So I got back to the hotel- walked past one swimming pool and no one was there. I went and changed to my swimsuit and by the time I got done on the phone and out the door it was 1130! It was way chilly!! I went to the closest pool and stepped in..... All I could think was- is this goal really worth it? If I just step in and go again did I accomplish it? Then a voice said "it will warm up once you are in just go for it" It was a sweet girl from Russia. I did as she said. Then she and I walked/swam up and down the pool for half an hour talking. It was very nice. She married an American and has a child. They were there on vacation. She talked of her home in Russia and some of the ways there. Then we got cold and said good night. SO goal number 3 accomplished and was a pleasant time despite the cold.

Oh and I tried tuna- not like in the can... but tuna!! It was good! It was an eventful day! And I am feeling good about myself, my progress, my goals, my accomplishments!!!

until I blog again....

The rest of the night

2009-11-13T10:33:00.000-08:00

After I had my dinner, I walked around Downtown Disney. It was fun. All the shops, the scenery. I loved the lego shop. It was too fun! All the lego options. I am going back one day and buying lots of legos for my future grandchildren.

Anyway- it was time for me to go for goal number 2. A movie. I couldn't decide what movie to see. There were a few that I wanted to wait until I could go see them with my son. And there was two others that I was debating from. It came down to Couple's Retreat. I got my ticket, my popcorn, a drink, and I was off to the movie. I sat in the last row (typical of where Ty and I sit) then I wondered if I should sit somewhere different. But then three other couples came and sat in the back row as well. It was a great movie. I love when the crowd laughs and gets involved in the story. I laughed out loud. Not hiding the fact I was there or the fact that I was alone. It was great. I felt good about meeting two goals in the same night.

Ok - so why the goals? Perhaps some of you are wondering that... well, as an overweight person these are things I would never have done alone. I always imagined people staring, people laughing, people thinking "look at that fat girl- can't get a date" or "look at that fat girl- look at what she is eating no wonder no one wants to go out with her" probably in some cases there are those people who would think that but mostly it was probably just my insecurities and fears. My low self-esteem.

It was so important to me to meet these goals. I wanted to ride a ride in Denver alone and never did it. So I couldn't fail at another goal. I am so happy that I met these goals. It was a great night. I enjoyed the time alone, watching the people around me, learning about myself- facing some fears. I was pretty tired by the end of the day though! =) I was proud of myself.

So down to goal number 3- the swimming pool...

until I blog again....

quick note

2009-11-12T17:52:00.000-08:00

I am not feeling well. Life has been a little ugly for me. I am tired and worn out right now. BUT I wanted to let everyone know I was still here.

I went to Orlando Florida for a gastric band summit!! It was the best thing I could have done! It was awesome. I went alone- no one else from the clinic went and neither did my hubby. It was me. I had three main goals with my bit of free time... to go to a movie alone, out to eat alone, and go to the swimming pool alone. I DID THEM ALL!!! My waiter at the restaurant probably thought I was nuts. Let me touch on this topic tonight, and I will work on the rest of my trip this weekend.

The first night I had free time, I was going to go to the hotel and change my clothes then go to Down Town Disney. I had already looked at the options there and decided that the Rainforest Cafe would be a nice entertaining place to eat. I was waiting for my shuttle bus and the next bus I saw was for DownTown Disney- so I decided I would just go straight there. SO I DID. Checked out a few shops then went to the cafe. They ask at the first stop how many in your party... one I quietly said. Then you get in line and wait to be seated. So then they call your name and confirm how many are in your party. I clearly said ONE. The guy takes me to my seat. Bless his heart. He was almost apologetic when he took me to a table and asked "is this ok for you tonight" sounding all sad for me. I kind of giggled. Next a lady walked by and asked if i was alone or something to that affect. I said yes. and she took the extra set of silverware. She LEFT the extra napkin but she took the silverware. I thought that was the sad pathetic move done in a movie to make the viewers sympathetic to the character. sigh. SO my waiter comes, and I ask for a children's menu! too funny. and then proceed to order from it! It was tasty, but I couldn't eat it all. At one point I asked the waiter to please take my picture. I told him he needed to show the other chair to prove I was eating alone. He kind of chuckled. I told him it was a long story and laughed. So that was my first night alone.

I walked around DownTown Disney. My favorite place was the lego shop!!! AWESOME!!! Will share more of this night later. thanks to my waiter for taking my pic and laughing along with me and not at me.

until I blog again....

my bittersweet moment

2009-09-09T17:21:00.000-07:00

Well, so much has gone on and so many things going on in my head. I wished I had time to get on here each time I had a thought that I wanted to share. Because then I get on here and forget what I was going to say?
But this I remember. I have had a couple of hard days.... bad news - kids making bad choices. So last night after receiving some of this news, hubby and I went to the grocery store. I walked by the donuts... oh I wanted one of those white iced rings!! Then I thought- no ice cream will satisfy this upset better Then I thought BOTH will help me feel better!! THEN I thought- NO WAY... Now is the time to break some bad habits. I am NOT going to eat my feelings away. I am going to do something different. I got home, put on my exercise clothes, and I went for a walk. I put on my head phones, turned the music up and I walked. and walked and walked. and cried and cried and cried..... by the time I got done walking I had walked 4.7 miles.... I was pretty proud of myself for the choices I made. OK- let me say this... I did buy a pb cup package and I ate one and hubby ate the other. I was so pleased with my decisions!! Today I weighed in and I lost 4 pounds. YIPPEEE. So the work I put in this week was successful. I am so thankful. I followed my lapband rules, got away from sweets and bread, and I exercised. I feel pretty good. so the bitter part was the bad news I got and the feelings I had.... the sweet part is my choices as to how to handle it.

I am going to a gastric band summit in November. I am so excited. I can't wait. There is so much potential for good learning in this summit based on the titles. I hope it proves to be a good learning experience. I think it will. I am going completely alone... so here is my chance to really be out of my comfort zone!!! I am planning on going swimming, eating, and to a movie alone. totally out of my comfort zone. I intend to make a friend at the conference. perhaps one that wants to keep in touch after the fact. perhaps just one to talk to while we are there. I am excited. I can't wait.

until I blog again.....

coasters!

2009-08-08T21:26:00.000-07:00

Ok- we took a couple of our kids and went to denver for my son's sernior trip. One activity we are doing is Elitch Gardens (used to be Six Flags Elitch Garden) The first ride we went on was a wodden roller coaster. I will have to say that two years ago- I would have been so embarrassed cause I don't think I would have fit in the seat!! I was squeezed into it as it was!! So that was pretty cool.

The other part of the park is a water park. I wore a swim suit. I have a tankini- the shorts and tank. well, I needed to buy a new pair of shorts cause last years was too big. so I bought a size smaller and then when i went to wear them I realized that there wasn't any underwear part in the shorts. I don't tlike that! SO- i went a bought a pair of bikini bottoms (not sponge bobs home) and THEN i wore them without the shorts!!! So out of my comfort zone- but I haven't stepped outside my comfort zone very much lately.

Anyway- new things for me. I am having a good time, but honestly- haven't been sunburned on my shoulders and back for over 20 years!! So that is a new adventure as well!! HA I am not sunburned too badly- just stings a bit.

until I blog again

2009-07-10T13:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I am in Illinois. My uncle passed away after a brief but ugly illness. We are thankful he went quickly and didn't have to suffer from the illness for long. We are all very shocked at the fact that he is gone though, age 53. What a man. I can hear him laughing in my mind though. He had quite the laugh. the kind that makes you know he is in the crowd if you didn't see him! It's like a recording playing over and over again in my head. A pleasant memory.

I flew into chicago yesterday and then waited there for my aunt connie to arrive from her flight. While I waited I got to thinking... I hope she and I recognize each other. She had the gastric and has lost a lot of weight. We have seen pics of each other but not seen each other face to face. She got off the plane and we hugged and she said "I was afraid we wouldn't recognize each other" ha! too funny!

She and I have shared some stories. Things like how fun it is to fit in an airplane seat!!! That is so wonderful!!! She said she was next to two big men and she offered to scoot over a bit... one guy said he was glad there weren't three big people and she was thinking "i used to be" then she was telling me about going to the chiropractor and he said her hips were out of line and after seeing her cross her legs said it might be due to sitting like that for a long time. She told him she couldn't do that until recently! What fun! My chiropractor called me a little petite housewife.... i don't know what else he said in that sentence!! HA I shared my shadow dancing story.

We shared with each other the foods we can eat and can't eat. Shared our hiccup habits. Shared some other stories. We have been sharing stories of drs, kids, uncle paul, looking at pictures.... found a picture of my grandma flying her kite. that is my favorite memory of her. You can see her and the kite string... i am going to hang it on my wall and put a small kite up too i think!!

next week I am going to get on the climbing wall!! Something I wanted to try but figured I was too fat to do until now. So I am going to give it a try! Hope I can make it to the top!!! that would be awesome! (I have no arm strength!! HAHA) Will try to post pics next week!!!

until I blog again....

hmmmm.......

2009-06-23T21:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I am no further along in my motivational speech. Having a hard time concentrating. A bit scatterbrained. I think some side effects from the injections I have had to fix the medical problems have now set in. I am not really thrilled over this but I understand it is temporary.

I bought a pair of jeans a couple of weeks ago and was surprised to find they came with a fortune cookie like message on the tag... embrace your independence. this is your life, put all of your energy into it and show off your intelligence to the world. You are unique and beautiful so...."

so it is up to me to finish that sentence right? I am unique, and I am beautiful. So now what.... the world is open to me. what do I want to do?

I want to build up the weight loss clinic, I want to help others to be their best and to love themselves, I want to reach my goal weight one day. I want to raise my kids and know they are happy. I want to do something good with my life.

confidence to be me

2009-05-24T02:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been thinking about doing some motivational speaking. My theme- the confidence to be me. I have it started in my head but can't seem to get it out on paper. I want to practice in toastmasters. I want speak to high schoolers. Any suggestions and support is greatly appreciated!

The idea behind my talk is to love yourself as you are. No matter what - we have something we don't like about ourselves. After losing most of my weight, I don't like my arms or inner thighs. We are hard on ourselves. We take what other people think to heart and also condemn ourselves to a life of criticism. I want to use the line "the world will tell you who you are until you tell the world" in my talk.

So like I said- suggestions and support is much appreciated. Not sure the length of speech - I think I want to make it 30-60 minutes with variations so if I am asked to speak for 15 minutes I have it covered and ready to go. I don't know. perhaps I wouldn't do well with this. But I guess I won't know unless I try!

Until I blog again.....

biggest loser finale

2009-05-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

I loved the finale!!! This was so awesome. I screamed, cheered, and cried!! Of course Mike went on to the finals. I wanted Mike to win! BUT I have to give credit where credit is due- Helen looked amazing. It was close!

When Jerry walked out on stage- Ty and I were pretty sure he had the at home prize in the bag. To see this man-passes out in the first hour of the season- takes an ambulance to the hospital, goes home at the end of the first week, COMES BACK to the finale- lost 177 pounds and won 100,000 dollars! I cheered and clapped every time they mentioned his name. He looked amazing. He had a couple of people come close to beating him but pretty much untouchable.

For the most part, everyone did a great job and looked amazing! It is so motivating to me. I need a push- please send me encouragement to get my hind end exercising! I want to make it to my goal but after all those health issues and solutions, I just haven't been motivated to work out! I am doing a GREAAATTTTTT job maintaining! I lose a pound gain the pound, lose the pound, gain the pound!! If I would lose a new pound every time instead of the same pound, I would be to my goal! HA

I will get there. Slow and Steady wins the race!!!! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.... if at first you don't succeed, try try again.... feel free to send me your own cliche motivations!! HAHAHA

I am feeling better every day, and more like myself. It has been a long 5 months, and I have a few more months of uncertain side effects from the injection I received, but life is progressing! I am gaining energy and this past weekend with time away-I know I will be ok!

until I blog again.....

Life passing you by?

2009-05-06T03:35:00.001-07:00

The biggest loser last night- WOW

Four people left, sent home for 30 days, find out they are going to run a marathon for their last challenge, and despite their worries about it, they all plan to do it and finish. Ron knows his knees aren't doing well but says right off that he will be walking it and intends to walk the whole 26 miles!!

So the contestants learn a little bit about balancing their lives and how to relax and enjoy without over doing on the calories. They learn a little bit more about themselves. I liked when Jillian pointed out that looking at Mike and his brother Max side by side was like a real live before and after photo.

Ron knows that he was not a good example to his kids and wants to change that - that was his driving force. He may have been a big game player but it was all in efforts to help his kid succeed- as a parent I understand that. I am proud of him for his level of understanding in his role in his kids' health. I was shocked that he intended to do the marathon!

Mike- bless his heart, he wants his brother to succeed. He and Ron spend some of their time in that 30 days at home to help Max get started! Bob and Jillian even help Max. I was so touched by that. Max showed such a level of dedication himself.

So onto the marathon. Just a couple of days before the challenge Mike hurts his hip somehow and is forced to walk the marathon. He is bummed out of course but resigns himself to walking. And so Tara and Helen start off running and the men walk. Their prize for the challenge is IF they finish they will get 10,000 dollars for a charity of their choice! Awesome!!!

At one point on the marathon they see a friend or family member waiting for them and that person joins them for a while. Max is there!!! He walks with Mike and makes it quite far for someone of his size. This allowed Mike to walk a bit faster and leaves his dad behind. The ladies finish is under 6 hours. Mike finishes in 9 hours, and they wait for Ron. That man is amazing!!! he set his mind to finishing that marathon- he has to stop a handful of times and even take time to be checked out by the dr. AND YET HE KEEPS GOING!!!!! some 13 hours later that man walks across the finish line-several people walking with him- other contestants, past contestants, etc!! Mike, Max, and Ron embrace - I am crying like a baby- and all four contestants get a check for $10,000. Weigh in takes place, Mike and Ron are below the yellow line and America gets to vote who makes the finale. Ron, of course, pleads for America to vote for his son.

So- let me tell you- this show has me feeling a little bummed out. To see Ron push himself and do what he did. WOW- I think about my own progress at the moment and overall really. I see Helen lifting 25 pounds in ONE hand over her head!!! WOW! A co-worker of mine pointed out to me one day that I wasn't suppose to compare that kind of stuff to myself (I felt silly at the idea of lifting my little 5 pounds on a bench next to someone lifting 50 pounds), he is right. BUT what I am thinking about right now is the fact that I am not doing things I should be doing. I am not exercising right now, I am not pushing myself beyond my limits! I see these contestants, especially ones bigger than I am, and think "I cannot do that even now!!!" A marathon! Ok so a level of humilty has set in. I can do better than I have been doing.

I used my exercise to push myself through the pain after surgery and all, but after my last trip to the hospital I was worn out. I was frustrated, tired, and fed up with being sick and no answers. My level of energy was dimished greatly from it all. Now I am feeling better but not very driven to get back to the gym. I am going to be getting my hind end moving!!! I have 30 pounds to go. (I gained some back in this whole ordeal but that is ok) I want to get to my goal weight. I can't get to that if I don't start working for it. I have slipped in some of my food choices as well. I need to refocus and get back on track. That is my goal. I am not beating myself up over this- it will only bring me down. I am just going to use that marathon to drive me to do better. Motivation

So my goal is to get moving! and not just to the fridge!!! I am going to make a list of the things I want to do- the things I didn't do because of my weight. A bucket list if you will. I am going to work on doing those things on my list!!! Parasailing was something I passed up (there were other reasons behind that than just my weight). bike riding, sports, wearing a swim suit and enjoying the water! Not sure a marathon would be on my list of things I want to do, but I am going to work on getting the things done I passed up because of my weight. It is time to live. honestly- big people don't pass up everything just because of our weight. We pass it up because we are afraid that others will make fun of the fat person sailing in the sky, or afraid the gear won't fit and have to face the embarrassment of hearing the poor person helping you say "it just won't fit you are too big" oh the shame of it all. Some it falls into the self confident level! Who cares if someone sees a fat person flying around parasailing... did I want to do it- YES then why do I care what someone thinks. Why did I give up my chance to do something I thought would be fun cause I worried what someone would think!?

No more- It is time to do what I am interested in despite what others might think, despite what size I might be. I am going to push through and accomplish whatever goals I set for myself. I am going to push myself to reach my potential and then some. It is time to live- time to stop letting life pass me by. Time to do those things I dreamed about- time for a change.

until I blog again.....

A GOOD DAY!!!

2009-03-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

I am so excited. I love my job. Earlier today I saw our first surgery patient. She has lost 20 pounds (that is the two week diet before surgery plus post surgery weight loss!) She was so cute! I know this patient outside the clinic- she is a sweetheart but many people don't see that. She doesn't smile a lot. It is hard to know if she is joking or not due to that. But rest assured she is a kind hearted woman! She came in today and was such a different person! She is smiling. She had rosey red cheerful cheeks. Her attitude was so different- awake- alive- excited! It brings tears to my eyes to see this change in her! It is so wonderful!

I am so happy and proud to be a part of a program that will bring about these kinds of changes for someone. This patient was SOOOO Ready for this surgical tool! She is going to be a success! She is beautiful inside and out! I think this is going to be my favorite success story! She is going to do great!

I wonder if I changed so much so quickly like she has. How fun for me to see this transformation in her! I look at my before pics and how I look now- I can see some of that in me as well. It isn't about the looks for me- that was just a bonus! It was about my health- being alive for grandkids, being able to take care of my son with special needs, feeling better.... but to be honest- I am enjoying the looking better part as well. It is so nice not to cringe when looking in the mirror. I think I have said it before but I actually take some time in the mirror!!! do a little posing- and many time: I EVEN SMILE!!!!

I cannot even begin to express how much this program means to me. How great it is to offer this tool to others. How great it is to be a small part of their journey. And how honored I am that I was chosen to be a part of the clinic. The clinic- your loss, your gain..... my loss was my gain.... in more ways than I ever thought possible!

until I blog again......

Life

2009-03-21T08:23:00.001-07:00

The first 2 surgeries for the hospital went well! My port revision surgery went well too! I went home that same afternoon. BUT before I left I was hurting so I had the dr give me a nerve blocker. It took care of most of the pain but not all of it. I went home and took a nap.

When I woke up I was in so much pain! That same pain that put me in the hospital in January and Febuary- I went to the emergency room for a shot. The dr ordered a cat scan with an IV contrast. I am so tired of the iv's!

They were going to send me home after the test but the pain shot made me pretty sick. I was nauseated and dizzy. So instead of wheeling me out to the car- they wheeled me into a hospital room! UGH I slept most of the night. Had another shot around 3 or 6 or something.... not sure. I slept most of the day - the ob/gyn dr came in and talked to me. He said that the endometriosis they found when they removed the ovaries had probably created an implant - I guess where it breaks off and embeds itselt in the tissue walls. Then once a month there is bleeding into the walls and that all causes pain. So the solution is to kill of my estrogen. So I have two injections of Lupron. One now and one in three months. This all makes sense since the worst of the pain has been once a month about the same time of month.

So the pain is under control. I have not taken anything for it for a week. I got the lupron injection Thursday. It should kill of the estrogen and that will kill off the endometriosis- if I am understanding everything correctly! So it is a faster progression into full menopause. The dr told my husband that I would be kind of grouchy for a while but I would be back to my old self soon. That would be nice!!

I was so totally worn out this past week. I was thinking I will never be my old self again. In addition to everything else- I have a lump on the palm of my hand. There was some concern that it might be cancerous. So Thursday morning I went to the hand specialist. He said the chances of cancer is lower then the basement of the building. He said he can remove the lump if it I wanted it removed- the fact that it is growing and painful is why I should have it removed. They will still send the lump to pathology to have it tested to see what it is. The surgery is outpatient, they put my arm to sleep not my whole body! I will have a big bandage like a boxing glove he said. Then after a week just regular bandaids. The surgery will be done out of town - the dr is also going to remove a cyst on my index finger of the same hand. This is my left hand- my writing hand!!! so if they are going to work on it they might as well take care of all of it. I can still do my hospital work. I can type one handed!! The writing part will slow me down!! guess I will practice using my right hand! =)

Ty talked to me into taking the whole day off Thursday to rest. I was so tired- so I did. I came home and spent the rest of the day in bed. I spent most of yesterday in bed as well. I am feeling better and have more energy. I hope I am reaching the end of all of this!!! Some days I feel like it is about over and other days I feel like there is so much more to come! So I am just trying to stay as healthy as I can otherwise and regain all the strength I can so I can face the next day.

Until I blog again....

update

2009-03-10T05:02:00.000-07:00

Life is improving for me- finally- knock on wood. The surgeon decided that it was possibly a nerve issue. So he tried a nerve blocking injection. IT WORKED- I was pain free for a bit. I had another one the next day and that lasted about 5 days. I had another one 4 days after that one wore off (he was out of town- finally tracked down someone who could administer the same injection). I was concerned because the next day I was pretty miserable again- so at that point I decided I was never going to be pain free again so I might as well live with it and not let it stop me. SO off to the gym I went with my husband. I got on the elliptical thinking I would just move slowly- that hurt! The faster I moved -the less pain I had. The cool down was the most painful part of it!! I was hurting pretty good when I went to work that day (thank goodness it was Saturday and I don't have to work 8 hours nor do I have to move a lot). That was March 7- Sunday morning I woke up feeling pretty good! We went to a baby blessing for my great niece and then to her house for lunch. I was able to enjoy the whole event and then go home and enjoy time with my kids and hubby. It was probably one of the best days I have had since this whole ordeal started January 14. Yesterday was a pretty good day as well! I am so happy to feel so good! I just worry it won't last!!

Yesterday was a busy busy day trying to get ready for this Friday! Those first lapband surgeries!!! I am so excited. We have just about all the supplies we need- have the last item on its way from another hospital per courier. I need to work on my radio ad, get the dr to sign off on his radio ad, get the bill board worked out with our public relations department, and about a hundred other things! Thank goodness I am feeling better! My port revision is still going to happen- thank goodness. And if the pain continues after this week- I am going to see a pain specialist. She can inject the nerve with something to kill it so there is no more problems. I can live with that. I can't wait to have my band filled again as well. I have gained some weight since January.

Until I blog again....

Frustrating times

2009-02-22T10:26:00.000-08:00

Well, Let's give a quick run down of my past month. When all was said and done from my hospital trip in January- the dr decided I needed a colonoscopy! OK not my idea of a good time! I am only 35 and shouldn't be needing one of those!! I had to go out of town for it though. So Feb 9th was the big day! I did that wonderful prep that goes along with the scope. The scope itself wasn't bad. I slept through it all. The last thing I remember was the dr turning on the radio, and me thinking that was nice and pretty cool that some drs actually do that! Right now while I am thinking about it- I don't remember leaving the place!!

I remember Ty telling me that they didn't find anything wrong and me crying. We came back to town and straight to the hospital. I knew that the dr that ordered it (my surgeon) would be there. I also knew he was considering exploratory surgery if the results of the scope showed nothing. So I told him. He said let's do surgery friday. OK. Meanwhile- the scope set off a whole new world of pain for me. I had a pain shot Monday afternoon and Tuesday evening. I was suffering Wed. and Thursday! Friday the 13th came and I had surgery! The people I work with were so fun! It was also my birthday so they left me a teddy bear, coloring book, crayons, and story book on my bed before I got there. After the surgery (in the recovery room) they painted my toenails, tattoed me in two spots, and wrote happy birthday plus drew a cupcake with a candle in it on my bandage!! They wrote it so I could read it when I looked down! The dr told me I was going to spend the better part of a week in the hospital. I told him no way. I was home Sunday afternoon! Two days later! Anyway -they found my ovaries connected to my intestines with the right one being larger than the left one and had cysts on it. The dr also took my appendix out. I felt really good! All my pain was gone! I was so happy! The incision hasn't bothered me at all! I was up and moving a couple hours after I woke up.

Saturday EARLY Saturday Feb 21st I woke up and had some pain. I took a lortab and it let me rest for a bit. At 7am I was in more pain. I had to get up to use the bathroom and that was it. I knew I better go to the hospital. I called my mom (we all run to our mommies don't we), and I was trying to sound cheerful but then she asked me how I was, and I lost it. I started crying. I was in worse pain than when I went to the ER in January! I was so mad because that surgery was suppose to have solved the problem. I felt stupid because I figured it was horrible constipation. Although things seemed to be moving along just fine the day before. I am tired of being in the hospital, IV's which take 3-4 sticks to get going, being in pain, being a wimp about the pain, and I hurt!!!! OH MAN DID I HURT!!! I just cried and cried. But it hurt so badly to cry too! I couldn't take a deep breath in. The ride to town was painful. My husband found EVERY bump from our house to the hospital and hit them!!! I couldn't sit down or lie down.

So blood tests showed I might be fighting an infection and that I was full of stool (sorry!) The medical emergency surgery comes on with 10 inches in the bowel and I had 7.5 - I would glad have let them open me up and cut out the stool and that part of the intestines!!! The pain was unbearable! The dr offered to let me go home last night if I felt up to it with knowing if it got worse I would need to come back. I pointed out to him that it takes 3-4 tries to get the IV going so we decided I would stay the night. I came home this monring. My white count was back down this morning though so that is good! I had a bit of a fever last night to so I was worried.

The surgery last week was needed though- I don't think anything else. I believe that was important to have done. They found some problems, and I believe that they are problems that contributed to some of the pain I had this last month (especially after the scope!!!) and problems that would have created worse issues in the future. I am not sorry I had the surgery. I am upset that it wasn't the whole problem. Now I have to make sure I don't get into this situation again. I am not sure I would live through another one of those!!

I am so frustrated. I have worked so hard to get off the medicines and fix the health issues the weight brought on and now I have a whole new set of problems. I have been wondering if it was a good trade. I know they aren't related. I know that is just how things are.... but I am still frustrated! UGH I hate feeling frustrated and not looking on the bright side of things. but this has been a rough month for me. I NEVER take pain pills unless it is horrible, this last month I have been so lost- either the high level of pain or the pain meds has really kept me out of it. II came home from the hospital this morning with 4 different kinds of pills! none of them long term but I hate having to take any of them!!!

On the good side of life- the clinic is doing great, and we are on track to do our first surgeris on March 13 (one of them being me for my port revision- which means ANOTHER IV!!) but this will be worth it! The bands, port, and fill kits have been ordered!!! We are kind of to the point of no return! I am so excited about that all! I can't wait! This is such a wonderful surgery! A way to help someone! I am so blessed to be a part of it!

Until I blog again.....

down and out

2009-02-20T20:29:00.001-08:00

I have been down and out for the last month. I have been dealing with the same pain I went to the emergency room with January 14 for this past month. Finally had surgery feb 13th (yes a friday the 13th- but also my birthday so it balances out right?) Anyway- I haven't forgotten I started this blog- just too tired to update it.

I will do so soon. Sorry

MILESTONE!

2009-01-16T21:21:00.000-08:00

Well, I have lost 100 pounds! How awesome is that!? I can't believe that I have lost that much! That is a person! Let me tell you the coolest part! My husband- bless his heart- emailed my family and friends asking them to help me celebrate. He asked them to send cards, cash for clothes- whatever they wanted to show their support. It was so touching.

So as I sit in the hospital (yes the hospital- will explain in a minute) excited about my goal, my husband reads me his email. Then he pulls out this package of cards that he has collected. There were cards from my dear co-workers in the lab. Some chipped in together and got me a month of the local gym. One of them gave me a card from his family and a subway gift card. I got a neat skinny quilt from my sister. I thought it was great because if was perfect to cover my lap, and since I freeze at work on the weekends I thought was perfect. Then I found out that it was made with a 100 squares (I knew there had to be some meaning in it somewhere!) and my siblings all got me a necklace- an amethyst journey necklace. The signaficance there is my birthday feb so amethyst, my surgery was feb. and it has been quite the journey! I got some pumpkin scented body and hair care set, a gift certificate to the local salon for a haircut, and a gift certificate for 6 tanning sessions. I was TOTALLY surprised! I was touched by my hubby, and his creative idea and his sweet email to everyone. I was touched also by the love, care, and support of everyone. It means so much to me to have that kind of support. Thanks to everyone! and Ty! What a wonderful handful of moments reading my cards and everything. I got sweet letters too. All of it means so much to me! I asked Ty to print out his email so I had that to keep as well. He didn't get many pics and what he did get he got on his cell phone. So we will see if we can get it online somehow! He felt bad he didn't have the camera but he didn't want to wait to give me the package, and the camera was at home and we were at the hospital!

Ok- quick run down of the hospital trip- Dr (the one that will do the lapband surgeries once certified-the dr I will be working with in the clinic) tried to access my port to empty some fluid out since I was having acid reflux. He was unable to do so- later that night (wed) I show up at the emergency room in severe - I mean SEVERE- pain! I was sure it was my appendix. The dr on call had to call the lapband dr since he is the surgeon and when he showed up and saw it was me - he was so worried that he had caused it! So we did a cat scan and he put me in the hospital to get fluids, get my band emptied, and watch me! he ordered antibiotics and stomach xrays and lab tests. I still have some pain but I am feeling better. We had someone come empty my band and in the process of all of this- we have learned that the port is sitting on its side. I think - believe- that it has been that way since another dr changed it to a low profile a year ago. It totally explains the swelling and tenderness in that area. So my band is empty! And after hitting that 100 pound mark! ugh. I will be really careful and exercise and eat well (I work at both daily anyway- exercise and eating well) But the 100 pound care package will help me to stay on track! Thinking of all that love and support from everyone! and I if I go buy clothes I want them to fit and stay that way!! So- the diagnose- NONE. I have another test in the morning. A cat scan with contrast. They are going to double check on the appendix and make sure I don't have a bowel blockage. Then hopefully if the test comes back well, the dr will let me go. BUT he has been very cautious with me and caring.

What did I learn from this?! A lot actually!! First off- I learned that the reason I had c-sections is that I would never handle labor and child birth!!! If that pain is anything like Wed night- wow I am glad I had no part of that!! Why would women do that more than once!!? I am impressed by women!

But seriously- I learned that the dr is very compassionate. Let me tell you- He is a big guy- intimidating somewhat. I have never thought badly of him, mind you, but to learn that the dr you are going to be working for and telling patients "trust him he does good work" has such a tender heart and compassion is a huge plus! I learned a lot about him and the kind of dr he is (he is fairly new to our hospital) I also learned how much my co-workers are my family. I am so thankful for all of them! They have been so caring and wonderful and I couldn't ask for a better group of co-workers! The hospital administrator is such a great person! He came in several times to check on me. Then he left to go out of town for meetings and called me from there to check on me! It brought tears to Ty's eyes to see the love and care I have received. Mine too, for that matter. We are both very touched by it all!

I also think it was a great learning experience for the dr. So it all happened as it should - We learn something from everything if we stop and take time to absorb the lesson.... I am thankful this happened. Not so happy about the amount of pain I had to go through!! Or the metallic taste in my mouth from all the antibiotics... but thankful for the lessons we have all learned and the discovery of my port being in wrong so we can get it fixed.

until I blog again....

New adventures

2009-01-14T04:19:00.000-08:00

Well, let's see - since the beginning of the year my husband and I have been to the gym several times. We attended our first spinning class. Everyone know what that is? It is a 45 minute class on bikes- not the typical exercise bike- this is totally self powered! If you watch Biggest Loser, you have seen these bikes! I have watched contestants and thought to myself "NO WAY!"

So we attended a class. It was a butt kicker! I couldn't do all the stand up parts. It was hard on my knees, BUT I survived. I even went and lifted some weights then walked half a mile on the treadmill. After that class I dropped a few pounds right away. then stayed at that loss all week! So I decided to go to spinning class again. It wasn't as bad. I did the whole program just as it was! I did all the standing up and everything! I was very pleased with this. And since I have gained 3 pounds!

I am okay with this. I know that I have been pushing my body the last couple of weeks. I am sure I am working on building more muscle. So the plan is to just keep plugging away and not get frustrated. Not always easy to do- especially when my husband is dropping pounds quickly! I am so proud of him though. He is working hard and doing great! It won't be long before he is to his goal.

The other new adventure- we have recently learned about geocaching. This seems like such a great adventure- a neat family activity that we can do with the kids even when they leave the house to go to college or get married...We are really excited and talked about how if we get into this that we will get cross country skiis to go hiking in. Well, someone suggested snow shoes instead for the winter time. So we took our wal-mart gift cards from Christmas and ordered snow shoes from sam's club. We got them Saturday.

Sunday after I got home from work we had limited time before it got dark outside so we just went up to the orchard above our house. I used the trekking poles for balance and for arm work. Let me tell you! I LOVED IT!!! It was a wonderful walk! If you have ever walked in the deeper snow- you know that it is hard and tiring- the snow shoes makes it easier! We walked down the road that is closed in the winter. As we were walking though- we noticed it was getting darker, it was snowing in the mountains ahead of us, and the animal tracks we walked next to was a big topic of discussion! We finally decided it was mountain lion tracks! So with this combination of factors we didn't go very far. We walked just over a mile round trip! But it was a blast!! I can't wait until Saturday- we are going to go out early and hike all the way up to the orchard!! (we will be taking something to protect ourselves with incase that mountian lion is lurking about though!!)

It is the start of a new year. I have no new years resolutions except that losing weight will not be on my list of resolutions ever again! But I guess if I were to make one right now- it would be to try the things I never tried before because of my weight. Some of the things I never tried-I cheated myself out of. I could have done so much more even with the weight but I let what people might think stop me. I let what I thought stop me. I could have done several of the things I passed up- okay maybe not easily for some of them but I could have done it! So here goes nothing! I have shattered my comfort zone- I don't know what my comfort zone is anymore- which is really a great thing! My goals for the year- do the things I wanted to try but never did!

January- spinning class never thought I would survive and I have done two classes!!
Snow Shoeing (winter outdoors) - I love it! I can't wait to go out again!!! I am a little worried what the mountain lion is thinking of me but otherwise- I love it!! I intend to do a lot of snow shoeing! Now I just have to figure out a way to take my special needs son out with me- he loves the outdoors! He would love to go with us!

So my challenge to you is to try something new! Leave your comfort zone. Don't be afraid- don't let anything stop you! Try what you want to try-

until I blog again.....

2009-01-02T21:09:00.000-08:00

The Biggest Loser Finale! WOW!!! What a big change in all of them!! Jerry is probably my favorite followed by his daughter Colleen! He turned his health around- looks great, and his daughter was so proud. My favorite part was when she was excited that she didn't lose more than he did!! I was watching and to me it was that she wanted him to have the moment!! How amazing!!

I was shocked to hear Vickie say she took the advice Phil gave her during a phone conference while they were not on the show! Phil is the one that she hated so much!! Vickie did grow some! I was kind of pleased to hear that! I even hit rewind to see if I heard her correctly!!!

The previews for next season - which starts Jan 6th!- were great! I cannot wait until Tues!!! The contestants for this new season seem sincere in the commercials!! One of the ladies says "I am taking my life back!" I know she will make it far and learn as she goes!

My husband has decided he wants to lose his extra pounds (he doesn't have a lot- about the same amount I have left to go) . So he wanted a membership to the new local gym. For Christmas I got us both the membership, him some new shoes (I got a pair from him!), tshirts, shorts, socks, and a sweat towel! We went twice this week!! We are planning on going to a spinning class tomorrow!! I am scared. I watch those contestants on the biggest loser, and I am sure I can't do the things they do!!! Not even now being where I am at!! I want to lose the rest of my weight!!!

We are plugging away at getting the program up and going at the hospital. I have a lot of things to prepare still. We need a name for the clinic - so if anyone has any suggestions- please send them to me!!! I am a bit overwhelmed with all that it takes to start a whole new program! BUT I am so excited and proud to be a part of it! I will survive! There are so many fun aspects of the whole project! I can't believe that after almost two years since the administrator and I first talked about it- we are getting the program going now!! WOW.

I want to provide an awesome program, for an amazing price, and help each patient get to their goal properly! I want them to succeed. I want to be a part of that! For those of you who don't know- I am the first one in our area to have had the lapband and now there are almost 20 of us in the valley to have had it! So I started something- now I want to continue. I feel very dedicated to those who followed me and those who are going to go through our program. I don't want anyone to assume the will succeed because I have, and I don't want anyone to worry they will struggle like I did. I want everyone to succeed with the fewest amount of struggles! sigh....

Today I learned that I want low riders for the front of my jeans and butt covers for the back!! I bought a pair of jeans that fit great in the front but when I sit down they barely cover my fanny! of course a size bigger would help cause the legs were tight as well. But that is the first pair of jeans I have put on my body in forever that the crotch of the jeans was actually in my crotch instead of hanging six inches down!!! (that is one of the 'promise of honesty' comments!!)

until I blog again...

Silly things.....

2008-12-21T18:23:00.000-08:00

Thursday and Friday we went to watch my son perform in "Oklahoma" for school. I usually have enough caboose padding that sitting in those hard auditorium seats doesn't bother me. Thursday night- My fanny hurt so badly! So Friday night I sat on Ty's coat! Still painful. But at the same time it was neat to notice the difference.

In church today- I was sitting on the end seat. My 17 year old special needs son was sitting next to me. Well, he tends to push himself into me when he wants to snuggle. Normally this is not a problem. It has been awhile since he and I have sat next to each other like that. Today he threw himself into me to snuggle and just about pushed me right off the seat onto the floor! He did that three times! It was strange to have him move me so much physically. One time I would have landed on the floor for sure had I not grabbed the chair in front of me! I am thinking we need to sit on a bench with an arm rest to hold me in my seat.

Later today I had to go to town and get something from the store. While Ty and I were walking into the store I noticed a lady struggling with her car. Her driver door doesn't open, and she locked the passenger door with the keys inside. We tried to help her, then gave her an idea of who to call. When we were done shopping she was waiting for help to arrive. We stayed with her. The guy showed up and got the window down a little bit. He looked at me and asked if I had skinny fingers!? No one has ever looked to me for help cause I am skinny!! So I stepped around him and tried to put my arm in the window - couldn't quite do it. He got the window down just a little more, and I was able to reach my arm in and roll down the window just enough to reach the indoor handle! WOW! The window was only down maybe three inches. Who would have guessed that one day I would be able to help someone out cause I was skinny!!!!

I love that my husband can pick me up off the couch and carry me to bed when I am not feeling well. I love that he can give me a piggy back ride. I love that he boots me off his lap cause my butt is too boney! I love the differences in my body, my attitude, my confidence, my self-esteem.

until I blog again....

Self-Esteem is such a fragile thing....

2008-12-16T03:20:00.000-08:00

It is amazing to me how fragile one's self-esteem can be. I am watching "Front of the Class" again. Brad was pulled over by a police officer and during the conversation with him, the officer learned that Brad wanted to be a teacher. He just gave him a look of disbelief because of the sounds Brad was making. He narrates how he gets that look often but he never lets it get to him. HOW? This guy has unbelievable self-esteem.

I keep thinking of what I could have done with self-esteem like that. Would I have gained all that weight? Would I have needed food like I did? Self-esteem is so easy to break down but so very difficult to build up. Kind of like trust.... such a fragile state at all times but you have to treat it like it is solid- unfailing- strong.

Self-esteem can take you so far. How do you build it? How do you repair it? How do you protect it? It comes back to me- I have to learn to be confident in who I am. A confidence that is hard when you are fat. People treat you differently- friends don't- people do. And sadly- we lay too much claim in the people and not enough in our friends. Why do we seek the approval of others above the approval of friends and family?

You are probably thinking "it is easy for you to say this now that you are skinnier, you are forgetting what it is like to be fat. To be treated badly, differently, like a freak. And how it is to be teased to be fat and then teased when you try to work on it in a gym." I haven't forgotten. I know all to well how it feels to be treated that way. I know that it isn't impossible to maintain self-esteem throughout it all. I understand how difficult it is, but look at this teacher from the movie! His tourettes is hard to ignore- his ticks and uncontrollable sounds would draw attention to him. BUT he retained such confidence despite the way people treated him. What credit that is to his mom and his character. As a fat person- I could hide. I could remain quiet and withdrawn and do things to keep attention off of myself. That is what starts breaking down the confidence and self-esteem. I wish I had been strong enough to be me at all times. But I can't go back and change that.

Now it is up to me to build up my confidence and self-esteem. I am in control of that- we are all in control of that for ourselves. It is ok to be fat and confident! It is POSSIBLE to be both. I am not trying to say all fat people have low self-esteem either. I knew a girl in high school that was so unbelievably shy. She was bigger than I was at the time. And I will never forget the year she became my hero- I was so impressed by her and the fact that she tried out to be a cheerleader! Shy, big, and she tried out! I NEVER could have done that! It became too painful for her knees, and she was unable to continue but she tried out!! I will never forget that!

Building self-esteem is like taking one step forward and two steps back. It can be a slow and painful process. It can also be rewarding. I wish I had the answers - but I am guessing it is something we all have to learn how to do for ourselves. How I build self-esteem and protect it will be different than how you do so. Feeling stupid comes easily for me.... I know I am not a stupid person but I can be made to feel so by the simplest comments from someone. It is a flaw- it is a programmed reaction. One I am working on constantly.

Learn to be confident in yourself as you are today. It is ok to be any kind of different and have confidence! It is your right as a person to feel confident and have high self-esteem.

until I blog again....

Life isn't about finding yourself....

2008-12-14T04:58:00.001-08:00

I found the quote "life isn't about finding yourself, its about creating yourself", and I got to thinking about just how true that is. So many people leave their lives to go find themselves. Maybe they feel lost in the hustle and bustle of life, but it isn't about finding yourself. As we face things in life we might forget who we are or who we want to be. Why go find yourself- create yourself!

I lost myself in emotions, food, single parenthood, marriage, more children, etc. I lost myself in my fat-my constant companion. I lived there for years, despite trying to get out. The people who mattered loved me -fat and all. I am so blessed in that knowledge. Then one day I heard about the lapband. I knew instantly that it was the answer. So it was time to create myself!

If you look at my before picture you can see how miserable I look. Then look at my June picture. I look a lot happier. I remember when that second picture was taken- I was actually wondering just how much different I looked because I was wearing the same outfit I wore in the before picture still fit and didn't fall off my body. I was thinking I hadn't made much progress at all. But looking at them now- WOW! I was quite different.

So I am creating this new smaller me.... and I am more outgoing (I thought I used to be pretty outgoing- unless I was intimidated). I don't get intimidated as easily as I used to. I have learned that I am me -take me as I am or do without me. Your choice- your gain or your loss. I am good enough just as I am- I always want to improve things but if I am my best person today; tomorrow will take care of itself. I want to be friendly, kind, courteous, (you know- be a boy scout!) and an all around good person. I want people to know that I care about them, and how I feel about them- no time like the present to let them know! I work in a hospital and see some sad things. I always wonder when someone dies what their last moments were like.... were they kind to their loved ones, were their loved ones kind to them. I want my last moments to always be remembered as good ones. So I think I may have scared a few people in this quest to let them know how I feel, but I feel good knowing I was open and honest.

You know what- in creating myself (becoming the person I want to be on the inside and out) I have found myself. I have had some hard times this last year with the whole process and hurt a few people for which I have apologized. But I am a better person for the lessons I learned. I am more the person I want to be. I know that I am worth having as a friend or family member.

Don't go find yourself... create yourself! Decide who you want to be, what you want to be, and start working at it! BE CREATIVE!!! BE THE BEST YOU THAT YOU CAN BE TODAY!!!

until I blog again...

My Constant Companion

2008-12-14T04:57:00.000-08:00

Did anyone get to watch the Hallmark movie on TV Sunday night? What an amazing story! It was about a teacher who has tourettes syndrome. It is not all about swearing uncontrollably- it is twitches and sounds and other involuntary body movements. He was 12 before someone (his mom actually) figured out what was wrong. She took him to a support group with the belief that they would learn how to live with it. When they got to the meeting, they found that there was no support and people were just hiding from the world and suggesting they do the same. The mom apologized to the boy (Brad) and said they needed to just forget they were ever there. Brad said he didn't want to forget. He said those people let tourettes win, and he was never going to let it win. He talks constantly throughout the movie about tourettes being his constant companion, but he never let it win. He learned the strengths and weaknesses of his companion. The mom talked about how the school kept blaming bad parenting for Brad's outburst. Let me tell you - that mom had to be the best mom! Brad was so confident and held his head high no matter where he was and no matter how much his companion was yelling out. He was open and honest about it and had a great self esteem. He broke down a couple of times, but when he would confide in his mom she would always point out that he was going to let his companion win if he didn't follow through or if he kept feeling bad about whatever it was that was going on. Those words were great motivators! He was determined to never let it win- in the end he was awarded teacher of the year and during his speech he thanked his constant companion for being his greatest teacher. just amazing-

So why am I writing about a movie? It made me think... fat was my constant companion. It was my disability-my handicap. It IS my disability- my handicap. Anything I wanted to do in life, but didn't was because of my fat. I let my fat be the silent excuse for not trying new things. I let my fat be the silent excuse to keep me in the house and not be social. I assumed people didn't like me because of my fat. I wonder how many friends I missed out on by assuming this.

Is fat still my constant companion? YES - and it will always be a part of me. I will always remember the things I went through, gave up, missed out on, etc. being fat. Fat- my constant companion- my disability- my teacher......

until I blog again...

Worried

2008-12-10T01:40:00.000-08:00

I watched the biggest loser last night. I am worried that Vickie (the mean game player) learned nothing about herself! Twelve weeks - 70 pounds lighter and had learned nothing about herself!!? How is that possible!? All the challenges, the things they teach you, the people she watched on the ranch, and having time away from her husband...... and she learned NOTHING!!!????? Seriously how can she learn nothing. By the end of the show, she said she knew she was unhappy in the beginning and now she was happy. Where is the growth? Maybe she is a reserved person, but I really don't see that. She learned nothing as to why she gained the weight! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!!!??

I learn something everyday about myself. I learn that there are things I don't like about myself! I learn there are things I do like about myself! I am shocked by the things that spring up on each side of that coin, and sometimes scared. I learn about my strengths and weaknesses. I learn about my limits and boundaries and also learn to push those limits.

Seriously- how can you lose that kind of weight and learn nothing of yourself? How can you spend that much time on the ranch and not learn something about yourself? Is it all part of the drama for ratings or is this Vickie seriously that hard headed or that focused on winning the game that she isn't using the opportunity to her best advantage? I predict she will gain her weight back- I hope she proves me wrong, but I worry about her no matter what.

until I blog again...

WOW!!

2008-12-07T01:17:00.000-08:00

Well, Friday a co-worker and I went to another hospital to learn more about the program that they put their patients through for the lapband. We got to town about an hour early so we went to Wal-mart. The pants I had on were a size 14 and were quite baggy. I haven't bought much in the way of new- I have been buying from the DI or thrift store. I was in desperate need of a different style pants though due to my shape and the way my stomach feels after the tummy tuck. I tried on a 12 and they were baggy too. I tried on a 10 and they were baggy! I tried on an 8!!! They were great. I of course had to try the size 6!! They fit too but my legs needed a bit more room.... SO I BOUGHT A SIZE 8!!!!! WOW!!! The largest size I wore was a 26/28, and I know there were days when they were tight! The day of my surgery though I was wearing a size 22.

In preparing this new clinic, we have been talking about pics for a billboard. We want something different than the traditional hold up the before pants. I had been thinking of that picture though and truly wondered if there was a drastic difference between me and my fat pants. I took them out of the closet yesterday- THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE!! It seriously shocked me! I sometimes don't feel or see myself as that different. A couple of my teenage boys were around and saw me do this... they shook their heads in disbelief. My husband couldn't believe it either.

There are days that I seriously don't feel different. If I am sitting, and I look down and can see my little spare tire I feel like I am still the huge person I used to be. I feel as though I have made it nowhere! Isn't that silly!? That is why I am so glad I kept some of the big clothes. I put them on if I am feeling like that. It reminds me just how far I truly have come.

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am to have bought a size 8 pair of pants. It is amazing! I have come so far! This excitement for myself is something I can't wait to see others experience! To help others on their journey, to see their accomplishments, their excitement as they notice their shadow change or realize that they don't recognize themselves in the reflection they see in the freezer section.... to hear them excitedly tell me they just bought a size 18, 14, 8 - whatever size they never thought they would see! Or like me- a size they don't ever remember seeing! I know I had to have seen a size 8 once- but I don't remember it!

Until I blog again....

People Can Surprise You

2008-12-02T20:42:00.000-08:00

I watched the Biggest Loser tonight. If you remember I told you there was one person who wasn't maturing at all. Well, tonight I think she made some progress!! FINALLY! I still think she is a game player but I believe she is making some changes. She freaked out during a contest that was 12 feet above water. It took someone she trusted in the water below her to help her jump down. Bob told her that the person she needed to trust in is herself. She actually showed some human emotions- a soft side to her. YEAH - I was worried for her.

I think that Bob is so right. I think that in this adventure of weight loss- we have to trust in ourselves. WHY? Because no one else can do this for us. Others can motivate us, help keep us going, but it is ultimately up to us. It is our doing- make it or break it- it is up to us. There may be reasons behind our reasons for being overweight, but when you break down all the excuses; it is still all our own doings.... I encourage anyone trying to lose weight to make sure they be completely honest with themselves. Face the demons- seriously examine those excuses: pick them apart. How well do they stand up to a full examination? Have you ever noticed that when you point your finger at something that three others are pointing at you?

Learn about yourself. Learn to accept yourself as you are today- not as you want to be and learn to trust yourself. That is a key part- ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE TODAY!!! Learn to like yourself now - no matter what. Be proud of who you are- there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself, but always be proud of you today!!!

Until I blog again...

EXCITING NEWS!

2008-12-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

yahoo!! I am so excited! I just was offered a job as "business office coordinator for the weight loss clinic" at the hospital I work at. This clinic is going to offer the lapband! This is an awesome adventure for our hospital and for me!!!

I had my interview today and was offered the job this afternoon. I will help patients to learn and understand the program, be with them every step of the way, encourage them, motivate them, run the support group, and help with promoting and advertising!! WOW I am so excited!!!

We are all very excited! The dr and nurse are going to a training this weekend, and I will be visiting the hospital I had my surgery at for some information and extra education.

There are three of us in this weight loss clinic, the dr, a nurse (has a full title but I can't remember it!- clinical coordinator or something) and me! We will be brainstorming and creating an awesome program for an awesome price! After listening to some of the ideas the other two have and the hospital administrator has and the ideas I have- I really think this is going to be an amazing program!!!

If anyone has suggestions- things they liked about the program they went through- anything they didn't like- please pass them along!!

I can't believe that after almost two years of talking with the administrator- that this is becoming a reality and I GET TO BE PART OF IT!!! WOW! What an opportunity for me!!

I want to be motivating to others. I want to help others feel as good as I do. I want to help this program to be the best in the area! This is a program that is dear to my heart, and I am so thankful to have the chance to be a part of it!

Until I blog again....

Thankful, Thankful, Thankful

2008-11-27T05:10:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Wow- so much to be thankful for! I have a wonderful family, my mom, dad, siblings and their spouses, my husband and kids and a couple of the girlfriends! and my husbands family! WOW- I was blessed with wonderful people in my life. They all come to with different qualities, talents, personalities... but they all carry love with them. I am so lucky!

I am thankful for my health! The lapband helped me to lose the weight I needed to lose to be free of my blood pressure medicine and my diabetes medicine!! I take nothing! The hysterectomy I had last December was great! All the suffering I had for the past 10 years is over! I am thankful my husband put up with my little bit of craziness those first few months after the surgery! (um- I guess I should say "extra craziness those first few months!"- I have always been a little crazy!!)

My goal weight is in reach! I am so thankful for that! I am thankful for all the friends and family that have supported me through this journey. Without their support- I wouldn't be as far as I am today! My co-workers are great! I work for one department, but my desk is in another department and they include me as one of them!! They are all wonderful!

I have had wonderfully skilled drs taking care of me. I have a great dr as my regular dr. I work for an amazing hospital. The things that this hospital offers is unbelievable considering how small it is! People come to our hospital over their own because of the care they receive from our hospital! My husband has a good job as well!

My kids are terrific! My daughter- learning her way in the adult world, becoming engaged and then realizing it wasn't a good situation and getting out! My oldest boy- just turning 18- working two jobs and doing sports plus a senior in high school! My 17 year old son has severe mental retardation- he had seizures for the first time ever in May and has only had one that we know of since. He teaches us everyday to accept those who are different! Next in line works at the local fast food place and is a very responsible young man- bought a car and then traded it in for a truck- he will be 17 in December. The other 16 year old has had a girlfriend for over a year now, and they are just the cutest couple. He works and just had surgery on his shoulder from a football injury. My youngest has diabetes and is waiting to get his insulin pump- next week he starts drivers ed.

So how can I not be thankful everyday of the year? I have a good life. love, family, friends, health- I am blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Until I blog again....

Accepting a compliment

2008-11-26T18:00:00.000-08:00

I couldn't decide what to talk about tonight. I still need to read my journal from last year and see what I should share. I know there is some pretty funny stuff. It is a good thing I can laugh! or that I am not too shy to share!

My goal for my journal and for this blog is to be completely open and honest about what the band has done for me! So that others can see how awesome the choice to get a band is! Kind of a support to others.

So tonight- accepting a compliment. WOW it is hard. I am human- I like a compliment! but it isn't easy! Some days the compliments are plenty! My dad had the gastric bypass, and he told me- "it is hard when the compliments stop- just always know you are doing great- you did great"

I never accepted a compliment well. I would get embarrassed and not know what to say. Pretty common I think, but frustrating. I learned quickly how to smile and say Thank you! There is nothing wrong with taking a compliment. Nothing at all!! I appreciate them all and cherish them all and use them for motivation- why not?!? Again- not to sound vain but I deserve my compliments. Everyone who receives a compliment on anything obviously deserves the compliment! They must have done something that caught the eye of another!

be gracious- say thank you. Hold your head high and be happy someone noticed! Accept it! Live outside that comfort zone!! Heck- pass along the good feelings and dish out a few compliments of your own to others! It is a wonderful feeling! I love to see someone smile or even shy away when I give a compliment! I know I maybe brightened someone's day!

And thanks for your support in reading my blog. You are AWESOME!!!!

Until I blog again.....

motivation

2008-11-25T20:42:00.000-08:00

I just watched the Biggest Loser show. I love this show. When I first started watching it - it was so motivating. Then I would get frustrated that I wasn't losing weight like they were. I had to stop and realize that the people on the show are able to dedicate EVERYDAY ALL DAY to their goal. I can't do that. So then I had to think about how to use this show as motivation and not feel frustrated.

I watched the contestants exercise, I watched the change, I watch them push themselves. They live outside their comfort zone and get yelled at along the way!! They grow, mature, blossom as the season progresses. It is wonderful to watch. The differences are amazing physically!! I like to listen to their comments throughout the season though- it is awesome how much weight loss success can affect someone.

So- I use the weight loss as motivation, but I use the changes in personality as motivation as well. Watch it sometime- this season is hard because there is one girl on there that hasn't matured much at all. She is methodical and a true game player.

Makes me wonder sometimes what people see in me for differences. What kind of personality changes have I gone through and not realized it? Are the changes for the better? I hope that I haven't offended anyone with my changes, but I am me. I hope that I am not vain, I hope that I am not rude, I hope that I am not snooty. I hope that the caring person I have always been is even more pronounced cause I am not afraid to show I care. (at least not as afraid!! I still fear rejection!!! Old habits die hard?)

My husband told me of someone he knew that lost weight and got wild and left her husband. I think that always worried him cause I would start to have success, and he would bring me a treat. I have heard of that happening-women go wild. I can see where that is a possibility for anyone who loses this kind of weight. Losing 5 pounds is great- losing large amounts of weight is life changing! How can it not be?

I mean seriously- How can it not be!?

It doesn't have to be destructive! I think when making weight loss goals one must also think about the kind of person they think they are, the kind of person they want to be, and then think of the package they want to present that personality in! Someone who loses weight can still end up not being happy if they lose the person they want to be mentally -be prepared for more changes than just the size of your body. It really is an amazing adventure! The Biggest Loser is about so much more than weight loss- if you look for the other lessons - the other developments. It is motivating and eye-opening! Educational in many, many areas.

Until I blog again....

Shadow Dancing and other silly things

2008-11-24T06:20:00.001-08:00

As promised: the story of me shadow dancing-

One day I was walking back to the hospital (where I work) from the dr's office. I looked down, and I was really rather shocked that my shadow had lost weight!!! WOW! That's pretty cool I thought. So I was getting ready to do some poses and turning and checking out my shadow, but then realized that my co-workers in the lab would probably be looking out the window just then and catch me!!

So low and behold- not only was I losing weight but my shadow was looking pretty good! It might seem like a simple little thing- but it was one of the first moments I realized that my body was changing. That I was having success losing weight FINALLY!

Shadow dancing is not the only thing I did. I would be shopping and catch my reflection in the freezer aisle doors. I would have to stop and look- I couldn't believe it was me so I had to make sure: Almost to the point of standing there and seeing if the reflection really mimics the actions that I do!! INCREDIBLE! It was me in the reflection!!

One day I was walking into the hospital from the parking lot and noticed that my shadow had changed a little more! There was day light between its legs!!! When did that happen!! My shadow is usually just one big black blob! And now it has legs and A NECK! hmmmmm I seriously have to find time to dance with my shadow where no one is watching me make a fool of myself!

I never thought of myself as good looking let alone attractive or sexy. But I have to tell you that I catch myself looking in the mirror.... I am embarrassed by that- I try not to get caught! I spent years avoiding a mirror- even before the weight- and now, I take time to look. I am not appalled at what I see. I am fairly good looking! I am not trying to be or sound vain, I don't think that I am vain. I just like myself! I like the changes the band has helped create in me! Not just physically but mentally as well.

This whole process has been challenging, fun, rewarding, and down right scary sometimes. I have lived outside my comfort zone so many times that I don't even know what my comfort zone is anymore!! You know what- living outside that comfort zone is amazing! It is liberating. It creates a feeling of "I can do anything" I am stronger for that. I can let my light shine easier because of it! I am comfortable just being me. I don't need someone else's approval or acceptance. If someone doesn't care for me- they are missing out! I am a terrific person who cares about others. If you don't accept me- you may miss out on just how great of a person I can be. I am sorry for you! Me- I will be ok. I don't have to have everyone like me. I like me and that is enough right now. I haven't liked me in so long and that was wrong. I have always been a terrific person who cares about others.

Love yourself- no matter what. Learn to be yourself. Trust me- I know how hard that can be, but give it a try!

Until I blog again....

A Return To Love

2008-11-23T16:36:00.000-08:00

Who I am to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented? Who am I not to be? Exactly!!! Whether I am fat, skinny, short, or tall- I am brilliant, gorgeous, and talented! Why be afraid of that? Why let someone tell me or make me feel like I am any different? I am a Child of God! I am a good person. Is my heart any different now that I lost weight? No- I am still the same kind, caring, decent person I always was--- ok maybe some people never thought me to be that, but I am those things. I am still those things! Shrinking away from that does not help the world! I should have embraced my good qualities- flaunted them- made the bright and easy for anyone to see!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

How true is that? We need to stand up for ourselves- shine our light- be proud of it! If we let the belittling of small minded people get to us- we are the ones making us feel inferior! I know it is easier to listen and feel bad about ourselves then it is to stand up for ourselves and stand proud.

No matter how you look - or think you look- stand proud for the person you are inside! Let go of the fear that it isn't enough to be somebody. When we do that- we will help others! Letting ourselves feel inferior will only take others down with us!

Be somebody- not some BODY-

There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself in looks- but remember who you are on the inside- remember that is the part of you that counts.

until I blog again.....

Along the way

2008-11-23T00:01:00.000-08:00

Along the way to becoming the new me- I learned some things! The surgery doesn't fix all my weight issues! Yes- it helped me to lose weight but you know what- it doesn't change that emotional eating need. It limits how much I can take in but by dang- I still had to learn to change things! I had to face the reasons why I ate- I had to change feeding my emotions. I ate when I was bored, I ate when I was stressed, angry, etc. I ate at family gatherings- isn't that the way it is at those things- eat and talk- talk and eat!

So why did I gain the weight to begin with? Well, a few reasons- First, I had gotten really sick in the 7th grade: a condition called pseudo tumor something - acts like a brain tumor but is not one. also- this same school year I had money and the ability to buy snacks at the snack bar at school! Well, the tumor condition caused me a headache for three months. Seriously, one headache for three months straight. They finally figured out what it was and did a lumbar tap which in turn started migraine headaches. I could not be physically active or spend even 10 minutes in the sun without getting a horrible headache that put me down for hours if not days. puking, crying, head pounding, blinded by the dimmest light, knife piercing my skull migraines. I was married several years before this went away. So I had to give up my sports, no PE and still food coming in!!
Second, I could control food. Obviously that isn't entirely the case. but when life was out of control and emotions high - I could make my own choices in what I ate. I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. And I did. When the one I cared about was stuck in his world and closed his bubble to keep me and others out- I ate... among other things.

So that was the vicious cycle I created for myself! FOOD = CONTROL = FAT
Why did I keep the weight? Same thing- the headaches for years, when life seemed out of control I could still eat what and when I wanted. Boredom eating set in as life went on. Not that raising 6 kids is boring but there are those moments. Like when the kids are all in school, husband at work, and I am home alone.

So I learned all the reasons I ate. I am STILL working on fixing these things. Food is an addiction- truly. Some people need to drink or smoke when upset...others eat. I have learned to stop and ask myself why I am eating or wanting to eat. Of course- sometimes I am eating when I stop! But I am a lot better about controlling my emotional eating instead of "controlling" my food.

The surgery doesn't fix anything but how much you can eat at once! YOU HAVE TO FACE YOUR DEMONS!!! You just have to! If you don't - you might cheat around the band and have little to no success! The band is NOT an easy way out! I think I have learned more about myself going with the band than I ever did trying anything else.

Until I blog again....

After Surgery

2008-11-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

After surgery is that wonderful liquid diet, soft foods, and then progress to regular food! I cannot even begin to tell you how delicious mashed potatoes are after two weeks of a 700 calorie diet and the a liquid diet!!! WOW!!!! And I was so amazed at how fast I got full! I seldom hit that Full Feeling all my fat years! And I ate so little and was Thanksgiving day stuffed!!! I couldn't believe it!

I lost weight pretty fast. That was awesome! But come August I had to have my band emptied. I then had it emptied a couple times after that. When I called in November with problems - they decided I better have it checked so they did the barium swallow to make sure all was well. The band was so tight that just a trickle of fluid was going through. Final decision was made that my female side of life was affecting my band. When my hormones kicked in my stomach would swell. SO - a hysterectomy became my option (not just due to the band issues- I had a lot of problems and I had tried other ways to fix it- a hysterectomy was my last option). I was so relieved to know my band was ok and to know I would finally have relief of the female issues! I had been feeling like a failure- I led so many people into this surgery and now I was having problem. I was feeling bad...hoping others wouldn't worry- I made sure I shared everything with the others. I wanted them to know what caused the problems and not to worry. And it would also help them to watch for problems with their bands. Which turned out to be a good thing because another bander ended up with similar issues- and it was due to female life.

So anyway- not even a year after the lapband I was having surgery again. I had a great idea though- as long as they were cutting me open - why not make it a longer incision and have a tummy tuck! So everyone agreed and that is what I did! Second best surgery I ever had. (although somewhat painful) The surgery went well- I had a lot of staples and the pain was bearable. The part I worried about was having the drains removed. The staples coming out didn't worry me at all! It turned out to be the opposite- the staples hurt like HE** and the drains- I didn't feel a thing!! go figure. The staples coming out was the worst part of the whole surgery!! Seriously! The second worst part was the back ache I had from limited sitting/sleeping positions. The rest wasn't a problem for me. I had surgery on Thursday - came home Saturday (I was kind of miserable and tired by the time we got home -it is a two hour drive) but then Sunday - I went to the store so I could walk around and while I was there I decided I would make fudge for my co-workers. I made fudge that day and wrapped some Christmas presents. Then the next day I went to the hospital to deliver my fudge. Going places like that gives me more space to move and walk and stretch without walking outside on the slippery sidewalks and without the boredom of walking on a treadmill- which I did a lot of that for recovery as well. So the surgery was a success. My recovery was quite easy for the kinds of surgery I had.

A friend of mine asked me if I would do the band again- I told him that if anything happened and my band had to be removed- I would pay to do it again! Even with the problems I have had- I am 100% thankful I made the choice to do it! I am so thankful for this wonderful option- it is truly a safe life saving option!!! I recommend it!!!

I used to worry that people would think "she took the easy way out" I used to think that is what I was doing- REST ASSURED- THIS IS NOT AN EASY WAY OUT!!!! It has been work- it is not easy- It is a tool- a great tool! BUT there is still work involved. You will learn more about yourself and your body then you ever thought you would want or need to know!

That first time I had my band emptied-wow- I really could tell the difference in having my band working for me and not... I told the dr "if anyone ever says they don't think the band is working for them- empty it for them and tell them to come back in two weeks and see what they learned!" It works! It is a tool though- still leaves a lot of work to the patient! But don't let that scare you off! It is definitely a work to be proud of!

Until I blog again....

Surgery Day

2008-11-21T17:29:00.000-08:00

Surgery day- I was so excited. I don't remember being nervous at all! I was so excited to start my new life! I got to my little room, and the lady that was heading up the program came to see me. She even brought a gift to me - bath and body lotion and shower gel. The dr came in too. I remember getting gowned up and ready to go. Next I remember them trying to talk to me to wake me up! I was irritated cause I was tired and wanted to sleep! Then I was back to my room and up walking as much as I could do!

My son was wrestling in the state tournament that night. My husband found a internet site that was broadcasting so we got to watch him wrestle! I was yelling and cheering! It was a great night!

They keep you over night so they can do a test in the morning to check for any complications from the surgery. I was out of the hospital by 1- the next morning. The drive home was a little rough but I survived. My surgery was Thursday, and I was back to work on Tues. AWESOME!

It was an easy recovery! Seriously the best thing I ever did!!! Surgery day isn't anything to worry about and nothing too exciting went on! Except me yelling in my room at night at the wrestling tournament.

Until I blog again.....

Pre-Surgery

2008-11-20T17:08:00.000-08:00

I was so excited to be faced with an option of losing weight that would help me! I had tried a lot of self diets, Richard Simmons, TOPS, weight watchers at home, working out with friends, etc. NOTHING worked!! I saw the Lapband as my answer! The best answer I had ever found!

I have family members who have had the gastric bypass surgery. I knew about that surgery. The lapband is so much a better option in my opinion. I love the fact that if there are problems (always a possibility however small) the band can be removed and my body is as it should be! All the body parts as they were- nothing cut, nothing removed. And the part that helps me lose weight- is adjustable!!! Changed as my body changes.... used the way my body needs it! No dumping syndrome, and I can drink water!! YAHOOO! I love my water! I know many gastric bypass patients, and they have to sip their water!! I don't have to sip my water usually- there are days but most often I get my water in easily!

So the program I participated in was pretty good. I went to a seminar and learned about the pros and cons (the pros definitely weighed heavier!!- the cons were nothing for me to worry about). Then it was on to the process- I saw the dr, I did a psych eval (and PASSED!), saw the various people they have you visit with- dietician, physical therapy, respiratory therapy, and of course I had to face those darned dreaded scales!!! 244!!!

Everything was approved, and I started a 700 calories a day diet - dr approved- for the two weeks before the surgery! I lost 17 pounds in that time! Someone asked me how come I couldn't just do that and lose the weight instead of surgery! HAVE YOU EVER EATEN 700 CALORIES A DAY FOR TWO WEEKS!!!????? UGH it is physically draining!! Which is WHY you can't just do that and survive. Once you get to your goal weight (if you did survive) you will be rather sick and go back to eating cause you made your goal and go RIGHT BACK TO THE BEGINNING!!! It is a vicious ugly cycle we put ourselves on and for whatever reason we don't learn our lesson!

OH things I had to learn to live without- bread! rice! drinking during a meal!!! WOW I was worried- those are things that I knew would be so hard on me!!! You know what- don't really miss it! I did it! I left them behind! It has been worth it!!! But I was so worried about the bread and drinking at meal time that I started to work on those things from the first moment I learned of it!! (Ok not the first moment!- after that first appointment I went to Golden Corral and of course enjoyed some of those wonderful delicious dinner rolls!!! YUMMMMMmmmmMMM) Ok sorry- lost my head for a minute!! I don't miss those to often either. =)

Well, it is time for me to head to the support group and since I am in charge- I better not be late. Next I will take you through the surgery day! Think I will go through my journal I kept back then so I can share my thoughts from then as well.

Until I blog again.....

The beginning

2008-11-20T02:55:00.000-08:00

The heaviest I ever remember seeing the scales hit was 275. I am sure I weighed more at one time but I don't remember weighing after seeing that horrifying number! I started gaining weight in late jr high. Reasons? I suffered migraines that kept me from being physically active, I found freedom in choosing and buying food at school (own money), I became a teenager who ate her feelings.

I met my husband just out of high school. I weighed 200 plus at this time and was a single mom. He loved me for me though, and I am thankful for that. We went on to have a second child and adopt four others. My weight piled on as I stayed at home to take care of the kids - they are very close in age so I stayed very busy - too busy to tend to myself (not that I would have really - but excuses are nice).

We moved from Illinois to Idaho, and I lost 30 pounds pretty quick and that was it. I hovered around 250 for years. I ate out of boredom, depression, stress, anger, and I was a midnight grazer. I would get up in the middle of the night (bathroom break- didn't sleep well ever) and I would almost always stop at the fridge- okay- I would go out of my way to get to the fridge- it really wasn't a stopping point from my bed to the bathroom! It was an addiction- a habit. Horrible and deadly....

I tried everything I could afford. Eat healthier, Richard Simmons videos (your giggle here) but that's what I had, and they really weren't THAT bad! I struggled- like most people - when I tried to lose weight. I would get so excited when I lost two pounds in three weeks! Then I would think about how long it would take to lose the rest and that was it. TOO LONG! TOO HARD!

So 5 years ago- my husband lost his job- laid off- and with an amazing benefit! We were sent to school! Paid for! downfall? We had to drive an hour and a half one way every day to go! BUT we did it- of course what did we eat... fast food. So no weight loss going on there- However- I got a great job at the local hospital.

How does that fit in to my story of Lapbanding? Well, in 2006 our Human Resource person pushed to get our insurance to pay for weight loss surgery! Where the insurance wouldn't cover anything for weight loss! Hello? don't they know it is a disease!? ANYWAY- She told me she was working at it, and I called my husband. I said "I am having surgery ASAP" I told him about the lapband, and that night he saw a commercial for the first time about the same surgery! Jan 2007 our insurance started covering the lapband. Not great coverage but enough.

I didn't just jump into the surgery- I researched all that I could. I compared the surgery with past weight loss surgery options and the popular gastric bypass. This was a wonderful option! For many many reasons! I saw the Dr in January and had my surgery set for Feb. 22 (just after my birthday!!)

I hope that this blog will help others decide whether or not this surgery is for them, make them comfortable in the fact that they are not alone in this battle against weight, and find a little humor in life. I intend to post more of what I learned about myself, weight, people, and share the experiences I have had. Most people laugh at my shadow dancing! Which I will share with you in the future!

Until I blog again....